Aug. 8, 2008
church, kids, homeschool
Posted in Church
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I really appreciate those of you who are praying for me and my family. I'm really struggling right now and just am unsure how to handle things. I think I really messed up with my church. But it's me, not my dh, not the kids, not the church itself. I'm really lonely and it's a big church. I've gotten too shy being so isolated. So my dh is taking the kids to church on Sunday and I'm staying home. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of acting tongue-tied. I'm desperately lonely but feel like such a failure.  I'm so embarrassed with everything I've said to Pastor D. Honestly, I don't remember meeting him before the shore trip but we had to have crossed paths here and there. Rabbit did go on a retreat that he was a part of in the winter so I'm sure we have. Just don't remember. I'm so used to churches being the "popularity contest" type or the kind where it's heirarchy - the pastors being so "above everyone else" type. It's not that way at this church. It's been a very long time since I've seen Christ's love so genuine. Yet with me, all I can see is all my failures.  I'm not the typical homeschooler who can stand up to critics about "socializing." The kids are doing okay but not as good as others we know. I know I gotta get back into driving again but I'm a bit scared of that too. The minivan we have is actually in my name only not my dh's. And he's the one who drives it. He doesn't encourage or discourage me in this area. But with his blood disorder, I should use that as a motivator since he can't drive more than a half hour at a time.  Rabbit will be going on the river rafting trip next week with our church. She's really psyched but I can tell she's a little nervous. I think she's keeping that to herself, though she doesn't need to be. I've done this sorta thing and it's really no big deal. I trust the leaders - and know they're well capable of taking good care of her and the other kids. I know there will be other adults there too. She's gonna have a blast and in some small way I envy her! This is her turn to shine, be a kid and have some fun. She needs it, she deserves it. I just hope she doesn't back out - but if she does feel scared, that she tells me and we can work this out together and pray together. We'll be starting light homeschooling on Monday. We'll continue to do Bible and also math. They're behind on their math books (still on their books they were working on) and I'd like them to catch up. Rabbit will have Thursday off for Math though, since she's got the rafting trip. I've tried looking for another homeschool support group but can't seem to find any. Major bummer. The girls want to join the church's kids' choir. We're all for that, though *good* singing doesn't exactly run in the family. lol I used to sing okay but am outta practice. This could be good for them though and maybe help their speech as well! Can't hurt anyway.  |
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Aug. 9, 2008 - Untitled Comment
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