Aug. 10, 2008
on Cloud 9
Posted in Church
I went to church today and I'm so glad I did. Okay it was a little frustrating with Rabbit with me. (my dh was with Piglet who can't be in the service - her adhd) And I couldn't get into the sermon - that's no offense to the head pastor. He's usually really great but you're not gonna get something out of every sermon. That's okay, really! And when I saw Pastor D, I got really nervous. I kept thinking of the corny things I said, etc. and "what does he think now" kinda stuff. But I tried to focus on the songs and worshipping God, which is what I should be doing anyway, in between asking Rabbit to "please stop" and "shhhh!" She has Asperger's and sometimes those behaviors come up when you least want it to.  So what part of the service made me glad I went? I took Rabbit out after the offering - the service was almost over.  And we went into their "Starr Hall". I was looking for my dh and Piglet and ran into Pastor D. We had a great conversation. He says he does want to make a time so we can really talk. There are some things I struggle with that can't exactly be like brought up in public like that. I think if I could choose a big brother, it would be him. At least I think I would - it kinda felt like we've known each other a long time. Except the fact I'm pretty sure he's younger than me! rofl If he wants to turn 40 in my place next year, he's welcome to it!  I just didn't feel like I was talking to someone in an authority-like position, kwim? (I could relate to the "brother" thing though, because of my own brother I'm not exactly speaking to, long story. My real brother is actually younger, but over 6 feet tall! )We talked about how God is always revealing to us something we need to work on. It doesn't have to be about abuse. It's just we all mess up and God is continually working on us, making us perfect. Pastor D reminded me that He will keep bringing up stuff and it's a good thing, that is until we make it to heaven. But for me, it's just the fact it's mostly from my past, my lousy childhood. It's like your shadow, it's always there and feels like it's always following me. Just when I think I have things figured out, a memory comes up I didn't know happened, or more questions about another tragic event from my childhood or teenage years. And I blame myself or I think "if only I had done this different, that wouldn't have happened."  I did remember something new this past week and it's been a struggle dealing with it. But I am excited and relieved that at least things aren't as I thought they were; hey tons better than what I thought. He did say he's excited to get to know me and my family and he's glad we're there at their church. ditto, dude!  My dh was so glad I went today too.  It does help being there when the 2 can't sit through the service - and one that can, well gets a bit loud or asks questions... oops. (no I wasn't the one asking the questions - but did feel restless - lol)Okay, someone out there has been praying, whoever you are, thanks a million. And to think I almost didn't go again today but more over my fears!  Guess you can say I'm kinda giddy with relief. After putting myself down all week, maybe that's not so bad? I'm off to have lunch now, and do a ton of other things before we get to doing some homeschooling this week. Maybe I'll make the Bible theme "thankfulness." I'm feeling that right now anyway, being so thankful to God! PTL! ETA: I chose "joy" as our theme instead. And the memory verse: Psalm 28:7.  |
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Aug. 11, 2008 - verses, etc.
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Posted by Anonymous