Caden is learning all kinds of things freely (he's 3).  Having a pre-schooler is great because it reminds me how we ALL learn naturally and love learning.  His new favorite movie is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  When he was one years old, he loved Nacho Libre.  When he was 2 it was Spiderman.  Now it's TMNT.  People might not like our choice of movies for our 3 year old, but when you have a house full of teenagers, well, it's kind of hard to monitor.  Anyway, we decided not to worry too much about it.  One unexpected educational moment that has come from it, is that he is learning his colors.  "I'm the orange guy - I'm Mikey"...and he picks out orange clothes every day.  "Anthony is the Red guy", etc.   He didn't know his colors before his obsession with the turtles.  You never know where learning will take place.  Everything is learning, all day long...we are always learning.  Another thing he's learned is the word "butt-crack".  He loves the sound of that word.  I don't know where he gets it...probably from the middle-schoolers.  I finally let him know that it would be more appropriate for him to say "buttocks" ... the proper name for the rear-end (didn't think he would catch on to gluteous-maximus).  So now he says, "Ow, I fell on my buttocks!"  It will go over better than "Oops, I fell on my butt-crack" when the grandparents get here.

Being ME is risky -- that's why I've struggled in the past to really do what feels right to ME.  Sometimes I've managed - going on a mission trip, doing foster care, going back to college, having a big family, homeschool -- but going deeper, doing more, dreaming, walking it out, thinking for myself -- these are tough.  I like people.  I am a people person.  I am very social.  I love my family - immediate and extended.  I love my friends.  I love my church.  But, I've lost ME in them all.  So, I'm taking a risk.  I'm emerging from the cacoon I've hidden in.  I am becoming my own person, with my own beliefs, my own desires, my own attitudes, my own actions.  I am becoming the ME I've longed to be, but haven't been because of fear.  Fear that the ones I love will not love me, or agree with me, or think I'm great, or whatever.  The truth is, it can't matter anymore.  This will probably happen, and that's OK.  I am not like any homeschooler I know, deep down inside, but I have portrayed myself to be.  I am not like any other christian I know, but I have portrayed myself to be.  I am not like any other parent I know, but I have portrayed myself to be.  I am not like any other family member I know, but I have portrayed myself to be.  I am ME.  I am UNIQUE.  I am SMART.  I am GIFTED.  I am DIFFERENT.  My new butterfly wings are shaky but they are pretty and they will carry me high and far!!

Christ died to set me free - I am more sure of it today than ever before.  I've been thinking a lot, as my previous post stated.  Today I've been thinking about religion.  When I first became a Christian, I thought that because I went to a contemporary church, worshipped with hands raised, prayed in tongues and had a relationship with Jesus, that I was immune to religion.  Religion was for "dead" churches and people who didn't "know" Jesus.  The funny thing is, I was living under more rules than ever before, and as the years went on, more rules were added...

Some were the usual.  Others were hidden in spirituality...

Praying in the morning is more righteous

Homeschooling is obeying God

Only training children a certain way pleases God - this includes controlling their every move and punishing for every turn to the right or left

Family devotions must be done every day

Stand up and raise hands in worship - not optional (it is, but not if you want to LOOK spiritual)

Only listen to certain music, watch certain things (or nothing at all), read Christian books only

While homeschooling, use certain curricula; keep a tight schedule; dress a certain way; only teach certain subjects at certain times; make child feel like crap for not being "on target"; push child to desired "level of learning" or hold them back to same level

Only socialize in certain circles, if at all...

And the list is endless.  Tell me, how is this different from Old Testament Law that no one could live up to, except an elite few?  Remember the whole point of a Savior?  Because no one could live up to it.  And I can't live up to the shackles of contemporary religion anymore.  I'm done.  Today I declared a day of freedom for all who reside in my house.  To me, relationship IS more important than rules, so the rules are few.  I'm choosing to walk in principle instead.  Honestly, I have tried this way of living many times over the last 10 years or so.  What is the deal with me wanting to confine myself to a bunch of rules?  So, I'm trying again.  I'm choosing to RESPECT my kids instead of DEMAND.  I'm choosing to LISTEN - no, really listen - eyes on them, smile on my face, not tuning them out.  I'm choosing to LOVE, unconditionally, without restraint, without disappointment. 

I hope my kids can heal from the control I've bestowed on them over the years.  I hope my marriage can heal from that same control.  I hope that my house can become a house of Love and Peace. 

Today, I experienced a taste...

I went to co-op today happily.  It was good for me not to be teaching this session.  I am helping in one class, but that is easy and another wonderful lady is responsible for bring the materials and making the copies - perfect!  My kids are participating in classes they love and that is wonderful.  Honestly, it would help out all the teaching moms in any co-op or Sunday school or whatever situation if the kids that were there, REALLY wanted to be there.  There is nothing worse than volunteering your time for someone who doesn't want to be there while the parent is out of the class or building enjoying themselves.  A little bit of martyr coming out in me, but it's true.  Anyway, today....much more enjoyable for all of us.

When we got home we ate lunch.  Greg said that Caden had only eaten out of his Easter basket today -- that makes about 36 hours of only candy and nothing else for him.  I was really going to hold out on the "un-fooding" idea (see some unschooling sites if you don't know what that means...check out articles by Sandra Dodd).  I was trying not to freak myself out with the fact that he was born with Meth in his system and I was fearing an addictive personality.  I thought I'd wait it out one more day and see where he was at with choosing something besides candy.  A couple hours later he said he wanted a treat so I handed him his basket.  He threw a huge fit because he didn't want what was in his basket, he wanted a different treat....I thought that was cool because it showed me that he DID get sick of what he'd been eating and was beginning to think of other choices - albeit sugar.  I found some other small treat for him and we went out to play.  I had some reading to do for school (my own class) so it was great to sit outside and watch Chelsea and Caden play while I read and drank coffee!  Usually, I would say "I have homework, I'll play with you later" and hole myself up in my office for an hour or so.  I'm choosing them first, but God is helping me be creative with some of the other things I need to do.  Next Cade, Chelsea, Jordyn and I walked to the park while it was sprinkling.  We picked up trash on the way home.  Actually, I did and didn't say anything to them and they just copied me -- GEE, what a concept!!  (Principle - taking care of our environment vs. Rule - pick up trash every time you walk to the park. )

After that, we all hung out together doing various things -- boys watching a movie, Maddy watching something on computer, etc.  I realized I hadn't looked at the clock all day and I finally looked at 6pm.  Normally, I would be barking orders about dinner, but no one seemed hungry so a few of us decided to go to the library.   Ally wanted books about anatomy and muscle groups.  We also found career books, particularly careers in health and fitness as that is a huge interest of hers right now.  Chelsea found some Jupiter books and Jordyn played on the computer.  I was mostly looking for an S-E-X book to let the girls read.  It was really hard for me to find one that I felt was not too graphic yet gave the basics without being too babyish.  Finally found one and told them I'd put it in their room if they WANT to look at it.  Maddy said, "Do I have to?" and I said "No" and then she said "Good!"...oddly enough she was in her room most of the night ... hmmmm. (Got a book because I asked them if they would rather talk about it or read about it and they said read...I'm sure it will lead to talking but that was at least a start).  Anyhoo, ran a couple of other errands then came home and ate dinner.  Greg said that while I was gone, Caden asked for chicken and corn.  Now he's eating Cheerios.  I guess his sugar binge is over (and there is still candy in his basket!). 

I'm happily looking forward to tomorrow, though I will be at work most of the day.  I do not feel stressed about "all I have to do" and "any attitudes I may encounter" trying to get it done.  I am feeling FREE.

Well, it's been a long time since I've posted or even been on this site.  My life is too fast and I'm trying to be more purposeful about slowing down - blogging helps.  I'm in a weird season (mid-life crisis?) where I'm questioning everything I've believed and testing it.  I feel kind of bad and rebellious, but I think God can handle my questions.  I didn't grow up with a real strong faith, and have been a faithful Christian now for 20 years, so I guess I'm right on track for figuring out what I want to do with my life :)   I am trying to shed rules & regulations.  I've gone back and forth with this and what it means to ME for several years, and just when I start to feel a real sense of freedom, I'll read a book or hear a workshop or sermon and put back on that which I've shed.  So, now I'm being intense about it.  Questions I'm asking myself lately have been something like this: 

Who am I?

What do I stand for?

What do I REALLY believe?

What is my purpose?

What does faith mean in MY life?

What does MY OWN relationship with God look like?

What kind of parent do I REALLY want to be?

What does homeschooling mean to me?

Why am I homeschooling - what do I want out of it for my family?

Why do I go to church?

What do I believe about God, Jesus and the Bible and how should I really apply it to my own life?

How much does culture play in what I am taught and what I believe?

Is it OK for a mom of 8 kids to go to college and still serve God?

If I think for myself and do what I want, will God still love me?

If I think for myself and do what I want, will others still love me?

Honestly, I don't have any strong answers, but I feel a sense of excitement because I feel I'm beginning to know myself and understand myself for ME, and not just someone's wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, member.  We'll see how it all turns out.

Yes, it's been awhile since I've blogged...but it's midnight and I've had a lot of caffeine so here goes.  Really, I should be working on a paper, but who wants to write about the nuclear arms race, when one can write about the funny things kids say...

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart, nor for the gal with low-self-esteem.  Recent comments I have received from own beloved children are:

"Mom, your hair isn't grey, it's white."   Gee, thanks - I guess I skipped right over the grey stage.

"Mom, you look really young in that new shirt...you look 35 instead of 38"  Wow, I was kinda hoping to shave off a LITTLE more than 3 years, but OK.

"Mom, I like your big, squishy tummy"  I can't even comment on that one

"Uh Mom, don't wear that."  Need I say more? 

10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM EATING HEALTHY FOR 21 DAYS...

Beginning on January 1st, my husband and I decided to eat a pretty strict healthy diet and to feed our children the same.  We wanted to do a healing / detox diet, so we turned to the Hallelujia Diet (hacres.com) for ideas, as I have done this before.  We cut out sugar, white/refined flour, caffeine, animal products except to cook with butter, and all processed foods.  The 21 days are almost over, and here's the top ten things we learned....

1.  Kids will eat healthy AND LIKE IT if junk is not an option

2. Greg's heartburn, acid reflux, and backaches are strictly diet related as they ceased immediately - we think particularly sugar related

3.  Computer use, tv watching, and general sitting around decreased in EVERYONE - the need to "veg out" is just not needed as there are no sugar/carb/caffeine crashes

4.  All siblings are getting along better and want to be in the same room together...and even THEY recognize it!  They are not so irritable and a lot more tolerable about little things that used to bug them

5.  I have not had any headaches, except during the first week of detoxing

6.  Our clothes aren't squeezing anymore - DUH!

7.  I used egg-plant instead of fish, seasoned it and fried it in olive oil, and they all liked it -- weird!

8.  After the addiction for sugar dissipates, carrots really DO taste great!!

9.  The kids like brown rice BETTER than white rice (never bought it before because I didn't think they'd like it)

10. I can be a creative cook if I want to be!!!!!!  Miracles CAN happen, praise God!!

I just did a fun thing with my little girls today to reduce the amount of toys in their room.  We played "Keep & Give Away".  I got a big box for the give away stuff and then we went through each tub (we have tubs for baby clothes, barbies, small stuffed animals, dress-up clothes, etc.) and our stuffed animal pile.  We started with one tub at a time and dumped it out.  Then I told the oldest to start and said "find something to keep, and something to give away".  They put the keep item in their pile, and the give-away item in the box.  Then it was the next girl's turn and so on.  They couldn't pick anything that belonged to someone else, only their own stuff and community (shared) items.  When we were done with that tub, I said, "OK if you want to trade one of your KEEP items with something that someone put in the give-away box, you can."  This only happened a couple times.  It was so great to put a MUCH REDUCED pile back into each tub.  Usually when I go through their stuff, I have a hard time deciding because it's hard to remember what they play with.  It was fun to watch them choose things I wouldn't think they would, and give-away things I thought they still liked!  The only things I intercepted were a couple of doll dresses made by my grandma and a special doll bought by my mom for the older girls (that these young ones didn't realize).  The girls actually had a lot of fun with this!  I told them if they wined about it I would do it myself, then they wouldn't have the choices I'm giving them.  It worked great!  This system will work with anything!  Do we REALLY need all this stuff?  I am excited to tackle more areas with this concept.  I can reduce my craft supplies, scrapbooking stuff, book shelves, more toy boxes, school stuff, etc. 

Anyway, I thought this might motivate someone out there who is thinking of decluttering the toys but doesn't know where to begin.  When we're done I'll take the boxes down to the local charity with the girls, then maybe take them out for a treat and make a special event out of it.  I'm thinking this can be one of our special "Christmas Activities" we do every year!! 

I love when God gives me a creative idea.  Does anyone else have a fun yet practical idea to share for the holidays?  I'd love to hear it!! 

Next year, on the traditional "decorate-the-tree-family-fun-night"...

* Do a better job of hiding the candy canes...

* Make sure the lights work BEFORE you get everyone excited about the big night...

* Make sure you don't schedule this fun-filled evening on the same night as Monday Night Football

* Make sure everyone is in a good mood.  It might help to make the famous "Muddy-Buddies" and hot cocoa first thing, before you start the decorating process, not afterwards

* Since this fun evening usually ends with the viewing of "It's a Wonderful Life" and said viewing is in black & white AND 3 hours long, you might want to start this shin-dig BEFORE 7pm (especially since 2 hours might be spent scouring the stores for more lights)

* Because everyone is snapping at each other, Monday Night Football is a distraction, and you NOW know why egg nog is usually served with brandy, you might want to employ the only creative creature in the family....

... THE TURTLE!

It IS a wonderful life....it IS a wonderful life...just tell yourself, it IS a wonderful life...

I read a scripture the other morning and have had to ponder it for 2 days!  It says:

“These are the nations that God left there, using them to TEST the Israelites who had no experience in the Canaanite wars.  He did it to train the descendants of Israel, the ones that had no battle experience, in the art of war…..BUT the People of Israel made themselves at home among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites.  They married their daughters and gave their own daughters to their sons in marriage.  And they worshipped their gods.”  Judges 3:1-6

 Emphases all mine...

I have been meditating on this a lot.   I think that God puts things in our lives so we can learn to OVERCOME them.  I have to look at my life and ask myself which things in it are put there so I can learn to overcome?  Which of those things have I actually become “at home” with?  I don’t necessary have a “fighter's” personality and it is very easy for me to just become at home with things.  I think I could probably meditate on this concept for weeks!  My prayer:  Lord, reveal those things in my life that I was meant to OVERCOME.  Show me areas that I have become “at home” with the very things I was meant to forsake and conquer.  Thank you that You love me so much that you take the time to test me.  Please grant me with the motivation and the strength to be an overcomer!!

Wow, this is an amazing story, these first few chapters in Judges.  So, we all know the story…Israel follows God for awhile, then they forsake God and are given over to captivity.  They cry out, God sends a deliverer (how awesome are You Lord?  Even when your people are unfaithful, You are faithful!) Back and forth it goes.  Then, Deborah and Barak go to battle.  Barak won’t go unless Deborah goes with him, so she basically says, “fine, I’ll go, but you won’t get the glory because God will use a woman’s hand to take care of it”.  So, I’m thinking Deborah has kind of a saucy attitude.  Agreeably, it is strange that Barak won’t go without her, but I can only guess that he knew she was an amazing warrior.  But for her to say, “fine, I’ll go but a woman will get the glory”  made me think she was being kind of prideful, already bragging about winning the battle with her own hands.  BUT WAIT…as the story continues, SHE is not the woman that God uses to hand Sisera over to Israel.  She was not bragging, but prophesying!  After Deborah and Barak routed Sisera and his troops, frightened Sisera abandons his chariot and runs into the tent of Jael, wife of Heber.  As the story goes, she invites him in, he asks for water, she gives him milk, covers him with a blanket so he can rest, he asks her to stand guard, she agrees and waits for him to fall asleep.  THEN, sweet woman that she is, takes a hammer and drives a tent-stake through his temple all the way to the ground and kills him!  God DID use a woman to overcome Israel’s enemy, but it wasn’t the mighty warrior, Deborah…for the Word says:

“Most blessed of all women is Jael, wife of Heber the Kenite, most blessed of homemaking women…” Judges 5:24

WHAT?  Most blessed of all women is a HOMEMAKING woman?  Yes, ladies, that’s correct.  As we are faithful day in and day out to this sometimes “not-so-high” calling of homemaking, eventually God creates a moment in time for greatness.  Often I try to go looking for opportunities of greatness, a chance to do some amazing feat for the Lord. 

And so, I often miss the fact that as I go about my homemaking duties, and concentrate on loving my family and serving them, an opportunity to conquer and overcome, an opportunity for greatness, may just run right up to my tent!  

Just when I want to be really religious, a dose of reality comes into my life and chases the spirit of religion right out of my house!  Having foster children forces me to keep my RELATIONSHIP with Jesus intact, and laughs in the face of a religious spirit.  These girls just know too much.  I want to be sad, but I have to make light of it because it's just the reality of the situation and it can't be changed.  Anyway, here's what happened one day...

I walked upstairs and noticed that my linen closet door was shut, the light was on, and whispering was coming from the other side.  I get very nervous at closed closet doors with voices on the other side, so I quickly opened the door to see what was behind the door and to catch anything "strange" going on.  Two startled 8 year olds jumped as naked Barbies and a GI Joe go flying into the air. 

"Why are those Barbies and GI Joe naked?" I enquired in my most shocked voice.

"We found them that way in the Barbie box and were trying to get them dressed, but couldn't" one shaking girl tried to explain.  Apparently if Disney/Pixar tried to film a Toy Story in my house it would be X-rated since GI Joe, in the nude I might add, snuck out of the boy's bedroom, into the girls' bedroom, and jumped into the Barbie box where two nude babes were waiting for him.  And my oh-so-innocent 8 year olds were so appalled at what they found, that they hid the "offenders" in the linen closet to try to dress them and hide their sin....yeah, right.

"Oh please, give me a break.  Out of the closet, you guys are done with Barbies.  Put them away and clean your room."  I stated firmly.  My husband always said that Barbies and GI Joe should not play together.  He knew this from his own childhood. 

Later, my curiosity got the better of me.  I had to know details!  What WERE the Barbies and GI Joe doing in that closet?  I guess it had been too long since I had seen a good soap opera.  So I quietly called one of the girls over to "chat". 

"Sooo, " I began.  "What WERE the Barbies and GI Joe doing in the closet?"

"Nothing, we were just trying to get them dressed!"

"They weren't boyfriend & girlfriend or anything?" I countered back.

"Weellll, I guess they were."

"And did they DO anything as boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Wellll, they were kissing."

"In the nude?"

Then all the beans got spilled....

"You see, GI Joe was drinking a lot of beer and he got too drunk, so he started kissing the Barbies.  The Barbies, who are really mermaids got mad and called their dad, who caused a big tornado storm to come and take GI Joe away.  The tornado was just about to come when you walked in."

"Ah ha.  So, who's idea was it that GI Joe get drunk?"

"Well, it was mine, but that's because Chelsea wanted him to do drugs, but I thought that was a bad idea."  Well, I suppose she needs a Brownie Pin for THAT great idea!

"Do you think that maybe next time GI Joe decides to get drunk, EVERYONE can keep their clothes on, and maybe the Barbies can take him to church and introduce him to Jesus?  Or how about if GI Joe just doesn't get drunk but is just a nice guy?  Or how about if GI Joe STAYS in the army box in Caden's bedroom so he won't get into any more trouble, oky doky???!!!!"  Child agrees that any of those are better ideas than the one they had.  Both girls agree not to play anything like that again.  Can someone please pray for GI Joe?  Apparently he's been hell-bent for at least 30 years!  GI Joe needs to get saved!!!

Never a dull moment over here!  It's late, and I can't sleep, so here I am.  The roller-coaster ride of foster care continues.  I love these girlies to pieces and it's hard to watch them struggle with possibilities of leaving and the unknown.  They've already had so much of that in their little lives.  I so just want to see them settle down and stabilize.  Our prayers continue to be "God's Will Be Done" and I humbly confess I have no clue what that may be.  I do add onto my prayer something like this..."Lord, your best plan for these girls be done, we are open to whatever you want.  However if you want to know what WE want, well, here it is...I want a little girl for my birthday."  And, down the street I'm sure some birth parents are praying the same thing.  So, if God likes to give us the desires of our hearts, how can He give TWO sets of parents the same desire without cutting the child in half?  It's like the two mothers that come to King Solomon claiming the same child to be their own....and at the thought of damaging the baby, the real mother releases it.  So, I release these girls into the hands of the Lord who knows them best.  Lord, may their souls and spirits stay intact during this process.

Our lives are moving along at lightning speed! 

Today was the first day of school for the 2 girlies that have to go to public school because they are wards of the state :(  BUT to be honest, I did enjoy the break today.  I did a little math with Jordyn - Math U See - it's great!  she is 5 so I have the Primer book...I'm sure it will go great.  The last three at this age I used Saxon 1 (The green one)...super teacher-intensive, but actually quite fun.  Much to a lot of people's shagrin (sp?) I actually enjoy Saxon....but I'm a math person.  Math-u-see has been a life saver for my kiddos who are NOT math people.  Usually at this time of year I am really excited about the school year, but this year has been a struggle for me - well more than a struggle...I flat out don't want to do it.  There, I said it.  I dream of decorating my house with  background worship music playing, cookies in the oven, dinner in the crock-pot, and an overall peace descending from on High!!!  All the other years that I was excited about it, of course all the children wanted to go to school...this year when I am ready to take everyone and register them, they all want to stay home.  I am trumped at every turn!  LOL  I know it's God's plan, just sometimes I get tired, cranky, and would like to FINISH a room, a meal, a conversation, a sentence, or a thought, without being interrupted.  I'm whining, I know. 

I'm working on organizing my schoolish resources and I think when that is all done, I will feel much better.  This year we will be involved in a co-op which I haven't done in a couple of years so we are looking forward to that.  In planning my year, I took someone's outline...I think it was OreoSouza, and reconfigured it to fit my family.  So, for each kid I came up with certain goals I felt like needed to be accomplished this year ... in the end, it looked like this:

(entheos is a small private school run by former homeschooled students and credentialed teachers to supplement homeschoolers or anyone else who needs it; the ideas in green are ones that I have materials for and am ready to go; the stuff in red we changed our minds on; and the stuff in black is just stuff I still need to make a final decison on, or sign up for)

2006-07 Home school ideas

JOEL - 16 years old

Life Skills

·        Math-u-see stewardship

·        Set up own checking account & debit card

·        Budgeting

·        Teach how to do account on Microsoft Money & balance

GED Prep

·        get book from library then list subjects

·        practice test?

·        basic comp class - at entheos

Long-term career goal

·        youth pastor  /  own business

·        2-year interns for CCC – get application form and fill out

·        Speech class - entheos - not this year

·        Get mentored by youth leader/pastor

·        Find out info on bible college or how to become youth pastor – ordained?

Other classes interested in

·        History – 1900’s to current (all world wars, etc.) - A/O lifepacs

ALYSON - 14 1/2

Life Skills

·        Math-u-see stewardship

·        cpr class

·        More responsibility with meal planning, grocery lists, cooking

·        Driver’s ed

* possible job w/ Iverson family babysitting - CALL

Long-term career goal – move in this direction

·        teacher’s degree – college bound

·        math class – A2C or geo algebra – entheos - not this year

·        foreign language – Spanish – taking on Fridays

·        PE or sport - interested in joining the Y, and taking tennis in spring

·        Basic comp (English) - entheos

·        History – 1900’s to current - a/o lifepacs

·        Science – Biology at co-op (Apologia)

*   computer language class at co-op

·        High school credits or portfolio – build one this year

Other classes interested in

·        piano?

·        bass guitar lessons

*   voice - choir at vallivue high school 

MADELINE - 11

Life Skills

·        own laundry

·        clean & organize room

·        cook – one night a week at home

·        sew – goldie doll & other stuff?

·        Mood management – healthy eating, different strategies, etc.

·        Dog obedience class – 4-h maybe??

Educational goals for this year

·        math-u-see – keep going with intermediate level

·        more fluent in spelling – grade level spelling book easier for her? 

                Check out SPECTRUM or something like that

·        Writing strands – begin where we left off in level 3 – FINISH book

·        Handwriting skills – copy bible passage each day - and/or use handwriting workbook

Other interests of hers

·        piano lessons?

·        dance - Capital City Ballet  

·        possible Crossroads co-op (will be doing for art, drama, science, & PE)

JORDYN - 5

Life Skills

·        pick up after self

·        make own snacks

·        make bed

Educational goals

·        Math-u-see primer level

·        Telling time more effectively

·        Penmanship

·        More reading….SSRW blue book

Other possible interests

        *Ballet 

         ·        Crossroads co-op

CADEN - 21 mos.

·        mops group at church

·        fix up backyard for him – playyard; etc - lots of climbing stuff

This sounds really schoolish to me and I am a little (lot!) more laid back, but I think it fits with my unschooling mindset in that I don't have a curriculum making my plan for me....it's waiting on and hearing God's voice for what's best for my children....the textbooks and curriculum I use are MY tools, I am not THEIRS!!  Also, it was fun to go over the goals I wrote down and discuss them with each child and make sure it fit with what was going on in their minds and hearts.  Some of it has changed and we will continue to change and be flexible as they grow, but getting an OVERALL sense of some direction has been very helpful. 

I think for me not getting "stirred up" is the hardest part at this time of year and at the end of the year...getting caught up in "what all are we going to do" and "what all have we not done??"  I need to STOP and hear what God is saying...and take a few deep breaths....

I just realized I have not posted about what happened at court last week with our foster daughter.  The judge postponed the kids going back to their birth parents' home until after a hearing at the end of Aug. where more testimony and some different options will be presented and during that time the kids will spend MORE time with their birth parents to see if this can even work.  Our prayer was that God's will and best plan will be done in the life of our foster daughter and we believe this decision and the one coming in Aug. IS God's ultimate plan for her....no matter what that may be.  Emotionally, WE WANT HER.  But God continues to fill us with His grace to follow His plan, which of course we don't know what that is just yet.  We are available either way...available to be here for her all her life; and available to let her go if God sees fit.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers concerning this matter, and if the Lord reminds you this next month, please continue to lift this little girl up in prayer (Emily).  I know God has a plan, and His will WILL be done, but the enormity of a child's destiny hanging in the balance is a lot for me to ponder alone.  Blessings to you all!!

Don't you love summer and the discoveries that come with it?  In the Spring the big discovery was the tadpoles in the pond across the way - we collected them and watched them turn into frogs, discussed the life cycle, etc....a fabulous unschooling moment.   This week it was baby caterpillars.  The other day when I called the girls for lunch Chelsea ran in and showed me the baby caterpillar crawling up her arm.  "Cute" I said, barely looking, trying to get lunch on the table.  "Can I keep it?", she asked.  "No, put it outside and you can check on it after lunch", I replied.  She put it carefully on the grass and ran in for lunch.  Afterward, the girls went out again to play with their neighborhood friends and I went about my business cleaning up.  A little while later, one child ran in looking for a container, exclaiming that they had found "a bunch of baby caterpillars".  "Wow, that's neat!" I exclaimed.  Thinking to myself that I just love unschooling and natural discovery and who needs textbooks when you have a yard full of baby caterpillars.  I guess we'll keep them and watch them turn into beautiful butterflies and not only will we discuss the life-cycle of butterflies, but also the spiritual conotations about caterpillars struggling to get out of the cocoon and emerging as something of beauty...maybe will even watch that cute little movie from Max Lucado, HERMIE, and top off this lesson with family movie night and popcorn....

.... a child is interrupting my thoughts ...

"Come outside mommy, come see all the baby caterpillars".

"Did you find food for them?" I ask.

"Yes, lots of grass and leaves.  They are all here and we are playing with them."

As I walk outside and they are all (about 6 little girls in all) surrounding a little container (an old cake pan) with leaves and grass, some letting the caterpillars crawl on them, I ask what part of the yard they found the baby caterpillars.  Someone says by the trash can in the garage in a bucket...a whole bunch of them.  I thought that was odd, but I bent down to look at their babies anyway, when one of the little neighbor girls says, "they're not really caterpillars, they're magnets".

My thoughts break in again...magnets....magnets, that sounds familiar...small white crawly, wormy things....found by the trash...hmmm....oh my goodness....

"THOSE ARE MAGGOTS!  GET THEM OFF OF YOURSELVES!"

"What's wrong mommy?" a small voice inquires.

"Those are gross nasty things that spread germs, that's what!", I screach in horror and disgust.

"But they're cute!", the reply.

"They are baby flies and we don't need anymore flies around here.  Get rid of them NOW!"

"Can we bury them in the yard?"

"NO!!  Go throw them in the pond!"

Great homeschooling moment OVER!

When Daddy got home and heard the story he had a great laugh.  When the teenagers got home and heard the story they had a great laugh too, until they got in trouble for not taking the garbage out to the curb on Monday, and now we have "magnets" reproducing in our garage!  Where are the textbooks???  

Well, my expectation of a relaxing summer is going out the window, as it usually does ... reality hits at the end of June that my imaginations of lying in a hammock sipping lemonade isn't really coming to pass...first of all, we don't have a hammock, and if we did someone would probably come and spin me around and tip me over...or they'd be climbing all over me to sit in there with me.  Second of all, I need something MUCH more caffinated (sp?) than lemonade!! 

Well, folks, we broke down and did it - renounced our vanity and pride and purchased a 15 passenger van - yikes!  At the dealer it was parked next to the red corvette and the sporty cadallac - I had to keep my dh focused ... "remember honey, we have a zillion kids, they won't all fit in that shiny red car, only in this big white tank".  What a man!  I need to get a bumper sticker that says, "Real Men drive Huge Vans" or something like that!!  During the test drive I asked him if I looked "HOT" driving it ... he mumbled something unintelligible.  LOL  Doesn't the Bible say something about pulling down imaginations and strongholds?  Well, we're doing that left and right around here!  I just went to my 20 year class reunion.  It was a kick!  If you had asked me 20 years ago what I'd be doing in 20 years, I guarantee you it did NOT include 7 children and a very large white van.  In my mind, it looked more like no kids, a business suit, and that shiny red corvette.  I wanted to be a "higher up" in the computer science world.  Hah!  I'm sure God just chuckled at my great imaginations.  I'm sure He was saying, "If only she knew the plans I have for her...plans not to harm her, plans to give her a future with hope, plans that include lots of children for her to pass on that hope to, plans for a man that can handle driving a bus full of children...and she will actually DESIRE those plans at some point...he he he".  Yes, God is such a crack-up!!  You are funny Daddy!!!!

If you give a Mom an Option, she might choose not to get dressed first thing in the morning.

If she doesn't get dressed first thing in the morning, she may have to drive her daughter to band in her pajamas at 7:30am.

If she drives her daughter to band in her pajamas, since she's still in her pajamas when she comes home, she may choose to go back to bed.

If she chooses to go back to bed, her band daughter may call her an hour ealier than usual to come and pick her up.  She will then have to instruct her to call her dad to come and get her and not admit the fact that she is in bed.

Since the Mom may still be in bed in her pajamas, the four year old may have to come and tell her that the baby is awake.  The Mom might then ask the four year old to go visit the baby and talk to him so she can have five more minutes of sleep. 

If the Mom tries to get five more minutes of sleep, she may get another call from band daughter and hear how bored band daughter is hanging out with dad at the fixer-upper house and if the Mom could please come and get her.  The Mom may try to talk band daughter into having dad take her to a friend's house until Mom can get there, as Mom's "not quite ready."

If the Mom tries to get ready, it will not be possible as she may be "bloated" and the last remaining washed pair of pants may not fit.  The Mom will then stay in the pajamas as she is just merely driving again and picking up band daughter from a friend's house.  The Mom may load the small children into the car and go and get band daughter.  Before that however, she might offer to bring her husband a brownie at the other house.  It won't be a big deal since the husband has seen the pajamas before.

If the Mom in the pajamas drives to the band daughter's friend's house to get her, Mom's husband might be there waiting for his brownie instead of at the other house.  Since he is there, they might decide that together they can go and check out a couple of near-by yardsales to see if there's anything good.  Pajamas won't matter as they probably won't get out of the car anyway.

Since they are passing by a non-populated yardsale and there might be something good, Mom and husband might get out of the car and leave the kids in "just for a second" with it running so they can leave the air-conditioner on.

When Mom and husband come back to the car they might find that it is overheating and have to pull over down the road and wait for awhile.

Since they are pulled over in a hot car, there might be a few arguments that ensue between different combinations of individuals.  Luckily, the friend's house is close by so they might have to go back there and hang out.

While they hang out at the friend's house, the husband may decide they have to take the car to the shop.  The Mom may quickly offer to take the kids back home and meet the husband at the shop (hoping to get dressed very quickly while there).

When mom pulls up to the house, the husband may call and say "I'm already at the shop so could you hurry back and pick me up, I have to be at the other house to meet the carpet guys".

When pajama-clad Mom gets to the shop and picks up the husband to take him to the fixer-upper house, he may want her to come in and see all his great work.  She may or may not despair at the strange looks received from neighbors wondering what a woman in pajamas is doing at noon going into a house no one lives in.

After the Mom admires work of the husband, she may head back home.  On the way, she may get a call from band daughter wondering where she was and when she would be home as they have to go to the waterslides very soon.

When the Mom arrives home and has to do fifty things to get three children off to the waterslides and a birthday party, she may be frustrated at herself for giving herself the option of not getting ready right away and feeling behind all day.  She may take these frustrations out on a teenage son whom she hasn't seen in 24 hours.  She may actually appreciate the fact that everyone is walking on eggshells and trying not to further her frustrations.

Since the Mom is already frustrated and serves a God with a sense of humor, the 18 month old may come out of a bedroom with an ICEE cup of melted slurpy and leave a big red spot on the carpet. 

An 11 year old, realizing that the Mom is already frustrated, might try to be helpful and clean up the red spot with a brand new master bathroom decorative washcloth.  It may remind the Mom of the story of the Cat in the Hat and the pink spot that overtook the house.

While the Mom is remembering the Cat in the Hat, she might remember that her preschoolers need lunch and her baby needs a nap.  She might take care of both things and send the older kids to the waterslides on better terms.  They might gush about how great she is.  Well, everyone except the teenage boy.

Since the baby is napping and the 4 year old is eating lunch, the Mom might decide to write really quick about her morning and relax for an hour before the two 2nd-graders get home from school.  She might even THINK about getting dressed.

Because the Mom only THINKS about getting dressed and doesn't actually do it, the 2nd-graders might come home a whole hour earlier than expected since it is the last day of school and the Mom didn't realize it was EARLY EARLY release day.  It might be 1:30pm before the Mom gets dressed.

And since it might be 1:30 pm before the Mom gets dressed, she may decide to just stay in her pajamas all day.....if you give her the Option!

I'm trying to put some new things into practice.  This morning Maddy woke up very grumpy which is not unusual.  I had a lot of things to do as did Greg and it wasn't looking like she would be moving very fast on her own.  Greg took the two older kids to work on the fixer-house that we have and it was decided that Maddy would stay with me and help me by babysitting and helping do laundry.  She kept whining and complaining and would not get moving.  Normally, our conversation as well as my blood-pressure would escalate at times like these.  Below is our conversation as it played out with what I WANTED to say (which is usually what I would've said) and, using incredible self-control if i do say so myself, I actually DID say:

Conversation started...

"Maddy, please get ready for the day and go eat some breakfast, we have a lot to do today."

Moaning, complaining, "I'm tired!  I don't want to."

WANTED TO SAY:  you shouldn't have stayed up so late!  you've been gone for 2 days playing with friends, you can do some work for me so get your butt upstairs and get dressed!!

DID SAY:  putting arm around her, "How can I help you get motivated?"

calming down, beginning to get teary-eyed, "I'm hungry, and there's nothing to eat.  There's never anything to eat."

WANTED TO SAY:  We have lots of stuff, get down there and figure it out!    

DID SAY:  What would you like honey?

"I want hashbrowns, eggs, pancakes."

WANTED TO SAY:  No way Jose!  I am not your slave.  Pick a cereal and eat it!

DID SAY:  I made the hashbrowns last night, I'd be happy to heat some up for you, would you like that?

sniffling, nodding head, much calmer  "Yes."

THINKING TO MYSELF:  Cereal is so much easier!  Am I being manipulated?  Or helpful?  It seems to be going different than usual...no slammed doors or crying, distraught pre-teenager.  Hmmmmm, maybe it IS better to listen and help than to demand and impatiently insist. 

WANTED TO SAY:  OK missy, but you are helping me make it!

DID SAY:  Here's the potatoes, why don't you get started with these while I finish the rest. 

"OK"

Later after breakfast without any further prompting from me...

"I'll run up and get dressed mom!"

WANTED TO ... fall over and faint.

DID SAY:  Ok, that'd be great, then we'll be ready to get started.

Haven't had a bad attitude the rest of the day and it is dinner-time!  Normally, the whole day would be shot.  Now, before you say "You were totally manipulated!"  I actually don't care if I was or not.  The truth is, what I wanted to get done got done, and she felt love and appreciation.  So, Praise God!  A little encouragement, validation, and inspiration DOES go a long way. 

This is so weird, because I was going to write about this today, as I was thinking about it earlier.  Well, I forgot, but then I was reading BIG MAMA'S RAMBLINGS http://thebodiebunch.blogspot.com/ and she mentioned it in her blog today...she's one of my favorites to read. 

Anyway, I actually didn't know anyone else did this, or that it even was a "theory"...I just began to employ it years ago when I realized that when I am "naughty", the thing I want to do is run from God....and the thing I NEED to do is get with Him as soon as possible and restore my relationship with Him.  Well, I thought about this with my kids.  Often times (actually I'm back to doing it more, but need to change) when our kids misbehave, they are sent to their room or "grounded".  The whole thing about misbehavior is a breech in the trust relationship between the person of authority and the child.   So I began to employ "grounded WITH me".  When they would misbehave, they were my buddy/helper for the day, doing whatever I did.  Yes, very inconvenient!  It's not that fun to have a child by my side constantly, especially if the child is not yet repentive.  But it is sooooo good for the restoration of relationship.  The Bible says that we obey that which we love.  I want my kids to obey me and obey God out of their LOVE for me and out of their LOVE for God, not JUST BECAUSE I SAY SO!  I want it to be out of relationship.  It's just like our relationship with the Lord.  He gave us free-will because He doesn't want a bunch of religious robots serving and obeying Him.  That's not TRUE love.  He wants our Hearts.  I want my kids' hearts....not so I can control their every move....but because they have mine!  I love them!  And out of this love I have for them, I want relationship with them.  So, at those moments when I LEAST want to be with them, it's when I MOST need to be with them.  It shows them that my love for them is patient - I will give you as long as you need; kind - I love you and want to be with you; not envious - I am excited about what God is doing in your life; not prideful - sorry about saying "because I said so", I know it helps you to understand what I mean; not rude - sorry I called you that or talked to you like that; not self-seeking - it is not "my way or the highway", I'm here to help you; not easily angered - forgive me for having a short-temper, mommy will try harder next time; forgives - I will not throw past offenses in your face by saying "you always do that", please forgive ME for doing that in the past; rejoices in the truth - I will teach you truthfulness by modeling it; protects - I will help you guard your heart, and I will not be one that damages it either; trusts - I trust you!; hopes - I believe in you!; always preserveres and never fails - I am always here for you!!!!!!

Lord, may this be my life-message...please help me to be a DO-ER of your Word!!  Talk is vain, let my kids see this in action in my life.  Thank you, amen. 

I am reading another book - "The Heart of Parenting" by John Gottman, PhD.  Basically, he talks about how to coach children through their emotions so that they can better deal with them and find solutions and appropriate ways of dealing with them.  I have to say, this is pretty different than how I've operated in the past.  I have been a hypocrit.  While I have wanted all of my family members to hear my emotional outbursts and put up with my moods, I have told them to "cheer up", "get over it", "go to your room until you can be happy", etc. instead of giving them practical advice, or at the very least, lent an empathetic ear.  The following passage from the book really got me....

Imagine for a moment what it would be like to grow in a home without empathy.  Imagine it as a place where your parents expect you always to be cheerful, happy, and calm.  In this home, sadness or anger are taken as a sign of failure or an incidcation of potential disaster.  Mom and Dad get anxious whenever they encounter you in one of your "dark moods".  They tell you they prefer you to be content and optimistic, to "look on the birght side", never to complain, never to speak ill of anyone or anything.  And you, being just a kid, assume that your parents are right.  A bad mood is the sign of a bad child.  So you do your best to live up to their expectations.  The trouble is, things keep happening in your life that make it nearly impossible to keep up this happy front.  Your baby sister gets into your room and destroys your comic book collection.  You get in trouble at school for something you didn't do and your best friend lets you take the rap.  Each year, you enter the science competition and each year, your project bombs...But these things are not supposed to bother you.  If you call your baby sister a rotten pest, your mother says, "of course you don't mean that!"  Talk about the incident at school and your dad says, "You must have done SOMETHING to provoke your teacher."  Science project disasters?  "Forget it, you'll do better next year."... so after awhile you learn to keep your mouth shut.  If you come home from school with a problem, you just go to your room and put on your happy face.  No need to upset Mom and Dad.  They hate problems.  At dinner dad says, "How was school today?"  "Fine" you answer with a half-hearted smile.  "Good, good," he replies.  "Pass the butter."...Over time, you learn that it makes little sense to talk to your folks about your true inner life.  And that makes you lonely.  But you also learn that as long as you feign cheerfulness, everybody gets along just fine.  Of course this can be confusing - especially as you grow older and see mounting evidence that life really is a drag sometimes...And still, you're not supposed to feel all these bad feelings.  So, you become a master at covering up.  Better yet, you do your best not to feel.  You learn to avoid situations that lead to conflict, anger, and pain.  In other words, you steer clear of intimate human bonds.  Denying your own emotions isn't always easy, but it can be done.  You learn to come up with distractions, diversions.  Eating sometimes helps to quash uncomfortable feelings.  TV and video games are a great way to get your mind off your troubles.  And just wait a couple years; then you'll be old enough to get your hands on some REAL distractions.  IN the meantime, you'll do your best to keep up a good front, keep your folks satisfied, keep everything under control."

Oh my.  I have read lots of parenting books - from Dr. Sears to The Pearls and everything in between.  I don't think anything has spoken to me like this passage.  I remember when the kids were babies and I was nursing on demand and very in tune with their needs, bodily cues, etc.  At some point I decided it was time for them to "buck up" and I quit being in tune.  Lord forgive me.  At some point I decided MY problems outweighed theirs....not only was my life harder than theirs right now, but "when I was a kid" my life was much harder, so my attitude has been "get over yourself".  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I have listened, well, at least I PRETENDED to be empathetic, but mostly it was to put out the current emotional fire that couldn't be quelched by just sending them to their rooms.  During the "listening" episode, I would be thinking, "do you know what important event you are keeping me from?"  Lord, forgive me. 

Father God, you are such an empathetic parent.  May I learn from You all I need in this parenting journey.  I ask for the ANOINTING to parent.  I ask for Wisdom, discernment, empathy, grace, patience.  I can not do this on my own, although I have certainly tried hard enough, to no avail.  Thank you for your patience WITH ME.  Lord, your Word says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  May I walk this out to the people that need to see it in action the most....my own children.  As I would want someone to come along side me and help me when I am tired or out of sorts, may I do the same for them.  When I need a hug for a bad mood and not a reprimand, may I do the same for them.  May I clue into their physical and emotional cues that they need something, and be able to meet that need with over-flowing love and mercy.  As my girls get hormonal, may I have the same patience and grace for them, as I would want from my husband and friends during my own hormonal times.  May I have the discernment to know whether I am helping my children or enabling them.  Thank you so much for a "second chance" with these younger ones, and may I continue to seek you for guidance all the days of my life!  I love you Jesus.  Amen

There have been days this past year and a half that I have wondered if we made the right decision to do foster care while our own kids were still in the house.  We did think about waiting, but at the time our youngest was three, and I thought by the time she was grown and gone, I just would not have the energy to do it.  So, since it was something that was definitely on our heart and we wanted to grow our family, we went forward.  But like I've said, there have been days. 

There were the days my 10 year old was stretched beyond, I mean way beyond, her capacity to deal with other people, much less annoying, damaged, whiny 7 year olds, and I had to pay the price....

There were days I didn't think I could drag my 36 year old body out of bed to give 3 night feedings to a brand new baby I only had 4 days to adjust to the IDEA of...

There were days my own four year old had to cry for me as I ministered to a very damaged 3 year old little boy...

There was a day that I cleaned purple nail polish off of one week old carpet because a 7 year old didn't listen when I said not to do that on the carpet...

There have been days - well actually it was the same nail polish day - that a dvd player broke because said 7 year old didn't listen again...

There have been days I have cleaned up poopy toilet paper off the floor(many, many days) because someone refuses to put it in the toilet; spent a week in the hospital with a baby we weren't sure had seizure disorder or not; held a little girl for hour long tantrums; dealt with my own children's manifesting emotions over the intruders; watched my kids be rude to each other and hurting orphans; wanted to claw my way out of a car on the freeway because of all the noise; cleaned up throw-up in the way back of the car on a hot summer day in a very cramped car on a family vacation; cleaned up throw-up God knows how many days in a row a week or two in December; swaddled and rocked a 60 pound 7 year old to sleep numerous nights; swaddled and rocked an 80 pound 7 year old to sleep (different child); cleaned up throw-up again in winter, and again in spring; pried a 6 year old little guy off my leg so he could go back home to his former foster mom, and cried all the way home myself; waved good-bye to a 3 year old I had poured my heart and soul into, as he left with his new family, and held my four year old as she cried and missed him....yes, there have been many days when I've wondered, "what are we doing?  did we make a good choice?  what was God thinking?  WHY are we doing this?"   

THEN there are the days when I see, God has a plan.  There are the days when I see that it's all worth it.  There are days when an emotionally damaged, angry 3 year old belly-laughs; there are days when the 2nd graders inquire about God and are awed by Him, want to know Him more; there are days when my school room gets completely, spotlessly clean by 2 second-grade cuties as a mother's day present to me.  There are days when I receive love notes saying I'm the best mom in the world.  There are days when they first ask to call me "mom" and my heart swells with emotion.  There are days when my own children reach out and embrace, accept, minister, love, and give selflessly to those who have "invaded" their lives. 

TODAY was one of those days.  Ally has been planning a garden and we bought all the stuff for her to plant.  It's small and there's not that much stuff, so you can imagine how pleased I was when I heard her ask all the little girls if they would like to help her plant.  She was sharing something that meant an awful lot to her.  Moments like that are so fun to watch.  It was great!