I am reading another book - "The Heart of Parenting" by John Gottman, PhD.  Basically, he talks about how to coach children through their emotions so that they can better deal with them and find solutions and appropriate ways of dealing with them.  I have to say, this is pretty different than how I've operated in the past.  I have been a hypocrit.  While I have wanted all of my family members to hear my emotional outbursts and put up with my moods, I have told them to "cheer up", "get over it", "go to your room until you can be happy", etc. instead of giving them practical advice, or at the very least, lent an empathetic ear.  The following passage from the book really got me....

Imagine for a moment what it would be like to grow in a home without empathy.  Imagine it as a place where your parents expect you always to be cheerful, happy, and calm.  In this home, sadness or anger are taken as a sign of failure or an incidcation of potential disaster.  Mom and Dad get anxious whenever they encounter you in one of your "dark moods".  They tell you they prefer you to be content and optimistic, to "look on the birght side", never to complain, never to speak ill of anyone or anything.  And you, being just a kid, assume that your parents are right.  A bad mood is the sign of a bad child.  So you do your best to live up to their expectations.  The trouble is, things keep happening in your life that make it nearly impossible to keep up this happy front.  Your baby sister gets into your room and destroys your comic book collection.  You get in trouble at school for something you didn't do and your best friend lets you take the rap.  Each year, you enter the science competition and each year, your project bombs...But these things are not supposed to bother you.  If you call your baby sister a rotten pest, your mother says, "of course you don't mean that!"  Talk about the incident at school and your dad says, "You must have done SOMETHING to provoke your teacher."  Science project disasters?  "Forget it, you'll do better next year."... so after awhile you learn to keep your mouth shut.  If you come home from school with a problem, you just go to your room and put on your happy face.  No need to upset Mom and Dad.  They hate problems.  At dinner dad says, "How was school today?"  "Fine" you answer with a half-hearted smile.  "Good, good," he replies.  "Pass the butter."...Over time, you learn that it makes little sense to talk to your folks about your true inner life.  And that makes you lonely.  But you also learn that as long as you feign cheerfulness, everybody gets along just fine.  Of course this can be confusing - especially as you grow older and see mounting evidence that life really is a drag sometimes...And still, you're not supposed to feel all these bad feelings.  So, you become a master at covering up.  Better yet, you do your best not to feel.  You learn to avoid situations that lead to conflict, anger, and pain.  In other words, you steer clear of intimate human bonds.  Denying your own emotions isn't always easy, but it can be done.  You learn to come up with distractions, diversions.  Eating sometimes helps to quash uncomfortable feelings.  TV and video games are a great way to get your mind off your troubles.  And just wait a couple years; then you'll be old enough to get your hands on some REAL distractions.  IN the meantime, you'll do your best to keep up a good front, keep your folks satisfied, keep everything under control."

Oh my.  I have read lots of parenting books - from Dr. Sears to The Pearls and everything in between.  I don't think anything has spoken to me like this passage.  I remember when the kids were babies and I was nursing on demand and very in tune with their needs, bodily cues, etc.  At some point I decided it was time for them to "buck up" and I quit being in tune.  Lord forgive me.  At some point I decided MY problems outweighed theirs....not only was my life harder than theirs right now, but "when I was a kid" my life was much harder, so my attitude has been "get over yourself".  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I have listened, well, at least I PRETENDED to be empathetic, but mostly it was to put out the current emotional fire that couldn't be quelched by just sending them to their rooms.  During the "listening" episode, I would be thinking, "do you know what important event you are keeping me from?"  Lord, forgive me. 

Father God, you are such an empathetic parent.  May I learn from You all I need in this parenting journey.  I ask for the ANOINTING to parent.  I ask for Wisdom, discernment, empathy, grace, patience.  I can not do this on my own, although I have certainly tried hard enough, to no avail.  Thank you for your patience WITH ME.  Lord, your Word says, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  May I walk this out to the people that need to see it in action the most....my own children.  As I would want someone to come along side me and help me when I am tired or out of sorts, may I do the same for them.  When I need a hug for a bad mood and not a reprimand, may I do the same for them.  May I clue into their physical and emotional cues that they need something, and be able to meet that need with over-flowing love and mercy.  As my girls get hormonal, may I have the same patience and grace for them, as I would want from my husband and friends during my own hormonal times.  May I have the discernment to know whether I am helping my children or enabling them.  Thank you so much for a "second chance" with these younger ones, and may I continue to seek you for guidance all the days of my life!  I love you Jesus.  Amen