I'm trying to put some new things into practice.  This morning Maddy woke up very grumpy which is not unusual.  I had a lot of things to do as did Greg and it wasn't looking like she would be moving very fast on her own.  Greg took the two older kids to work on the fixer-house that we have and it was decided that Maddy would stay with me and help me by babysitting and helping do laundry.  She kept whining and complaining and would not get moving.  Normally, our conversation as well as my blood-pressure would escalate at times like these.  Below is our conversation as it played out with what I WANTED to say (which is usually what I would've said) and, using incredible self-control if i do say so myself, I actually DID say:

Conversation started...

"Maddy, please get ready for the day and go eat some breakfast, we have a lot to do today."

Moaning, complaining, "I'm tired!  I don't want to."

WANTED TO SAY:  you shouldn't have stayed up so late!  you've been gone for 2 days playing with friends, you can do some work for me so get your butt upstairs and get dressed!!

DID SAY:  putting arm around her, "How can I help you get motivated?"

calming down, beginning to get teary-eyed, "I'm hungry, and there's nothing to eat.  There's never anything to eat."

WANTED TO SAY:  We have lots of stuff, get down there and figure it out!    

DID SAY:  What would you like honey?

"I want hashbrowns, eggs, pancakes."

WANTED TO SAY:  No way Jose!  I am not your slave.  Pick a cereal and eat it!

DID SAY:  I made the hashbrowns last night, I'd be happy to heat some up for you, would you like that?

sniffling, nodding head, much calmer  "Yes."

THINKING TO MYSELF:  Cereal is so much easier!  Am I being manipulated?  Or helpful?  It seems to be going different than usual...no slammed doors or crying, distraught pre-teenager.  Hmmmmm, maybe it IS better to listen and help than to demand and impatiently insist. 

WANTED TO SAY:  OK missy, but you are helping me make it!

DID SAY:  Here's the potatoes, why don't you get started with these while I finish the rest. 

"OK"

Later after breakfast without any further prompting from me...

"I'll run up and get dressed mom!"

WANTED TO ... fall over and faint.

DID SAY:  Ok, that'd be great, then we'll be ready to get started.

Haven't had a bad attitude the rest of the day and it is dinner-time!  Normally, the whole day would be shot.  Now, before you say "You were totally manipulated!"  I actually don't care if I was or not.  The truth is, what I wanted to get done got done, and she felt love and appreciation.  So, Praise God!  A little encouragement, validation, and inspiration DOES go a long way.