Well, it's been a long time since I've posted or even been on this site.  My life is too fast and I'm trying to be more purposeful about slowing down - blogging helps.  I'm in a weird season (mid-life crisis?) where I'm questioning everything I've believed and testing it.  I feel kind of bad and rebellious, but I think God can handle my questions.  I didn't grow up with a real strong faith, and have been a faithful Christian now for 20 years, so I guess I'm right on track for figuring out what I want to do with my life :)   I am trying to shed rules & regulations.  I've gone back and forth with this and what it means to ME for several years, and just when I start to feel a real sense of freedom, I'll read a book or hear a workshop or sermon and put back on that which I've shed.  So, now I'm being intense about it.  Questions I'm asking myself lately have been something like this: 

Who am I?

What do I stand for?

What do I REALLY believe?

What is my purpose?

What does faith mean in MY life?

What does MY OWN relationship with God look like?

What kind of parent do I REALLY want to be?

What does homeschooling mean to me?

Why am I homeschooling - what do I want out of it for my family?

Why do I go to church?

What do I believe about God, Jesus and the Bible and how should I really apply it to my own life?

How much does culture play in what I am taught and what I believe?

Is it OK for a mom of 8 kids to go to college and still serve God?

If I think for myself and do what I want, will God still love me?

If I think for myself and do what I want, will others still love me?

Honestly, I don't have any strong answers, but I feel a sense of excitement because I feel I'm beginning to know myself and understand myself for ME, and not just someone's wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, member.  We'll see how it all turns out.