Soli Deo Gloria
They're telling me, they're concerned for the way I am living, That I'll miss it all, Why should I think that God is that trusting? I can't explain, what words he has spoken to my heart...I don't regret choosing You, I'm not ashamed that it's You who holds my heart... Please note that this blog is currently being worked on. Thanks for your patience! God bless you- *Grace*

Thursday, October 2, 2008 - Singleness...Blessing? Curse?

Entered into Beliefs

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

I think I may have finally found a time to post!! During the lunch hour. So, I guess I should be updating my blog more often.

I've been thinking a lot about many things lately..and you'll see the fruits of that in some of my upcoming posts. I am intending to finish my series on self-harm with two more posts. One, on what to do if a friend of yours harms themselves, and one on anorexia and bullimia. However, those are going to be longer, and thus, take more time to write and research. :) So, I'm taking a break from those...however, they will continue!

When we went to see Prince Caspian in May, one of my brothers pointed out a bumper sticker to me. It was a picture of a skeleton sitting on a bench with a flowery hat on top of it's head, and the words, "STILL waiting for Mr. Right."

Maybe I laughed. I don't remember. But, I can remember the times that I've felt like (and watched others feel like) the right guy won't ever come. I suppose I could be extra-spiritual here and say that it shouldn't really matter....that my single years should be devoted to God anyway.

Yeah, I'd agree. It shouldn't matter, and my single years SHOULD be devoted to God. But, that's a lot harder than it sounds. Quick poll: Who wants to get married? Who doesn't? If you don't want to get married, well, maybe you won't get much out of this post. However, I'd encourage you to read it anyway. ;)

What does the Bible say?

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God. " ~1 Corinthians 7:32-40

That's a rather long passage of scripture, but if you skimmed it, go back and read it again. It's an excellent passage. Marriage is a beautiful thing...a true gift from God. However, I do not think that every person in the world is called to marry. I believe that God has set some people (both men and women) totally apart for His work. But, what does this have to do with finding the right one?

Perhaps it's better to realize some shocking truth: Singleness is a gift from God.

What??? But, marriage is a gift from God too, right? Yes. But, God gives us singleness for a time in our lives...for different reasons, but, we are to apply ourselves to Him. To find every contentment, every peace in Him.

I know what it's like to sit there, roll your eyes and say, "Yeah right!", but I'd encourage you to think about it.

But, you still want to get married, right? So, what about "finding the right one" anyway? You don't have to. One, it's nothing you can do, anyways. If you wait for God's time you will get so much more. Yes, you might find enjoyment in a temporary relationship....for now. But, in two years, will you have joy because of it?

I've never had a boyfriend. I have some close guy friends, but that's a different thing. I still want to get married someday. But, I've resolved to live today for God. Whatever that may be. But, today, it means I'm single. For God.

Excellent Resources-

*any Scriptures you want to share in the comment section are great!

*Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy

*I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

*When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008 - FIREPROOF- Never Leave Your Partner Behind

Entered into Modern Christians

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Last Friday, I had the great privelege to go and see Fireproof, the new movie from Sherwood Baptist. The makers of FACING THE GIANTS and FLYWHEEL (have you noticed that all three start with an F? Interesting fact....), Fireproof is...amazing. I laughed, I cried (yup, it moved me Bob.).

*SPOILERS* I loved this movie, even though I *did* laugh at one point in a very intense scene near the beginning. I found the production aspects of the movie to be incredible for the budget and people they had to work on it. I thought the acting superb, though not the best I've ever seen. However, I don't have any complaints there. I loved looking for little reminders of the other movies...the Facing the Giants book on the table, the Prepare for Rain t-shirt, the Biscuit Barn, Bobby Lee Duke's Lollipop Shop, a sign for Jay Austin motors, seeing various characters from the other movies in their various roles.

I thought the makers of this movie did a very good job on the plot. I was captivated by the troubles that both Caleb and Catherine Holt faced throughout the movie. I found myself getting angry at various characters (namely Dr. Keller), and inanely smiling at the end. Though marriage was the central issue during this movie, I loved the fact that they dealt with people who have been divorced, telling them that there is still hope for them. I loved that they didn't condemn people who have been divorced. It's hard to do that, and be sincere, but I believe that Stephen and Alex Kendrick pulled it off here. I also loved the way they did the salvation "scene" in the movie...both with Caleb and Catherine. Caleb brought up over and over that he was such a "good person." Catherine didn't even want "what he had" until she saw how it changed and touched every part of her husband's life. I also thought there was a strong message for single people in this movie..not only is it a great tool to prepare people for marriage, it also encourages them to get married for the right reasons, to make their marriage a covenant, not a contract, and also, to base any relationship they have on Jesus Christ.

Fireproof finished 4th in the box office this weekend. It made over 6.5 million dollars. It only opened in 839 theaters. I'd encourage every one of you to go and see Fireproof, married or not. Everyone can take something away from this incredible movie.

**I'd also like to thank everyone for your encouraging comments and thoughts after my last post. I appreciate you all!

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Thursday, September 18, 2008 - We'll Miss You

Entered into Heaven

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

I've had basketball camp this week, so, being sore and all, I haven't had much spare time. Tuesday afternoon we had basketball camp, and I got in the car to go home. Mom told me she had some really bad news. My mom isn't melodramatic....so, I knew it was bad. My mind was racing....I couldn't think what it could be. Then she said, "DK was in an accident today." (at this point, I'm like, oh, okay, he's hurt) "He was killed."

Wow. Stop just a minute....hang on there! I saw him just Sunday, smiling, laughing, making jokes...he didn't know it was the last one he'd ever have. It's still hard to think of him as dead...he was a very alive person. He smiled all the time...he never got mad (really mad, anyway). You never saw DK except when he was making a joke. DK had a relationship with the Lord. So, for him, it's way better anyway. But, for his friends and family...they're hurting bad.

They didn't know. They didn't know that morning they'd never see him alive again. They didn't know this was the last day of school he'd go to. He was  a senior, had so much of his life ahead of him...at least, from our perspective.

Live like today is all you have. You're not guaranteed anything...not a day, or even an hour more. Tell your Mom and Dad you love them every oppurtunity you have. Tell your siblings you love them. Live like today is all you have left, because that could be reality for you. It was for DK.

My absolute favorite memory of Dakkota Stuhan was when every time he'd come to church, Daniel (my 17yo brother) would ask him, "DK, when are you gettin married?"

DK would smile and tell him "Five years, one month and some odd days!"

We'll miss you DK, but I can't wait to see you in Heaven.

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Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - I've Been Awarded!

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Kori (Little Sparrow) awarded me! Actually, she did some time ago...but, I'm sorry to say that I haven't been able to think who to give this award to. :)

So lovely. ;) As I haven't found any rules for this award, I'll award it to some of the people who I think have the most beautiful thoughts.

1.) I'd like to award Messenger. She's a great friend, and has some great things to say on her blog...as well as her writing blog. I'd like to encourage you to check our her blog under my friends!

2.) My Mom. :) She always has some great things to say, and makes some great points on her blog. Her username is His under my friends.

I'm only going to award two people. I know a lot of people who have lovely awards, and lovely thoughts, as well! Thank you to all who have blessed me through your blogs!

In Christ,

Grace

PS My next post should come later this week. Thanks for sticking with me!

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008 - Happy Birthday Emma Dearest!!!!

Entered into Happy Birthday!

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Today is my friend Emma's 16 birthday!!!!! :)

Emma, you have no idea what a great friend you are. Through the last year-and-a-half, we've gone through a lot together...as individuals and as friends. Thanks for sticking with me, girl! You have no idea how you've blessed me in so many ways...I don't know what I did before we became friends. You're always there to listen to me complain, sigh, cry (wow, that rhymed) and just be happy. Thanks for being there.

So, for your birthday....we're going to burn pancakes! :P It's the best I could do, dearie, even though we're not 62 yet. Or, you're not anyways. :) Sorry guys, inside joke.

What else can we do? We could finish our book...um, no. Let's go to a ball! (ish)

But, of course, since we're Baptist...dancing isn't exactly..well...anyways, moving on. Here's your BEAUTIFUL dress:

Isn't it just beautiful? And here's your wondermus tiara:

Oh that'd be SO beautiful in your hair, Emy dearest.

And, in honor of your birthday, the guest of honor (you'll find out who that is in just a second) will present you with this:

At your very formal (and very elegant) formal dinner hosted in your honor:

And your guests? Well, apart from your family, some friends (yes, Meggy and Toria included), here's the rest of your extended guest list:

 

:P And now the cake!!!

Isn't it lovely? It tastes good too...but, I bet it'd taste better with one of these:

Ahh...the wonders of sweets. :) But, where exactly is the party at, anyways?

Ah, just lovely, isn't it? So peaceful....

Well, I wish we could do all that...but, in reality, all I can say is "Happy Birthday, Emma!" and give you your present later on. :)

Love you much lots, girl!

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008 - See the Scars, Part 2

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

*Note*: This is a LONG post. ;) It was almost 6 pages on a word document, so be forewarned.

God, I pray that You would be honored in this post. I pray that You would receive glory. God, you’ve given me a passion for those without hope. Help me, God, to say what you would have me say through this post. Prepare the hearts of those who will read it. Thank You. I love you, Jesus. Amen.

"Hope stepped forward uncertaintly. She wasn’t sure whether she belonged in this room or not. It was dark and musty, with cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and deep shadows beckoning her to hide in them. Even though the room was full of people, a heavy sense of dread seemed to hang in Hope’s heart, and make her feel alone. She quietly slipped into a seat in the corner, only to be scruntinized by a small group near her. She tenatively offered a smile, but only received a giggle in return...She squirmed in her seat, fighting the loose sense of panic that shot through her body. Focusing her eyes on the floor, and keeping her stinging eyes dry, she ran her fingers over the scars again. Why not do it again?"

Why not, indeed? Yes, cutting isn’t right. I believe that. But, most of the people I know that have cut know that. But, when you feel pain that deep, you don’t care. To a person that’s struggling with intense depression...it seems like it’s a way out. It "seems" like it would help. For those that have never cut, you might not understand this. One of the comments on my original post expressed it great. "Do you know how it feels to be so agitated you want to make your outside look like your soul feels? do you know what it feels like to cut yourself and see the scarlet liquid oozing out of your skin and think "what have I done, why did I do that?" Do you understand that feeling, that desire to hurt yourself?" I believe I do. No, I can’t fully understand how you might feel, since I’ve never technically cut myself, but I have a story of my own.

So, my story? I’m 14. I’m a PK (Pastor’s Kid), have four brothers and a sister-in-law...lead a pretty normal life. When I was 12, my best friend left our church. It might not seem like a big deal to you...but, church was almost the only place we saw each other. I mean, I saw her twice a week..and she was pretty much my only friend, even there. When she told me they wouldn’t be coming again (through some painful circumstances that aren’t that relevant), I went home and cried myself to sleep. I moved up to the youth that summer, and went to church camp. It was a great week, but I missed my friend. I missed out on one of the greatest worship services I’ve ever seen. Why? One, I was letting this eat me up. I literally cried myself to sleep every night for almost two months. I remember thinking that I hadn’t cried myself to sleep for two nights in a row one time. I suffered intense depression. I thought it was my fault (it had nothing to do with me), I missed her, wished she was still at church (church didn’t actually have much to do with it). No, I didn’t think about cutting myself then. But, I struggled with depression so intense...I don’t really like to remember that time. It wasn’t pretty, to be sure. So, this goes on. Eventually, I meet other people, and make new friends. One was Tara, who’s a great friend, and then a year or so later, Emma, who’s truly amazing. Off and on, though, I still struggled with depression. One night this spring, I thought about cutting myself. I knew I wouldn’t do it...I knew I didn’t have the mental power to actually do it..I was too scared of being found out. But, I thought about it...what it would feel like...if it would help. I wondered if anyone would miss me if I died. I wondered why I was here at all. Granted, I was going through a TON emotionally at the time. But, I didn’t cut myself that night. I haven’t ever cut myself. And, as you can see, I didn’t kill myself either. :) Why? It wasn’t like the problems I had in my life could be resolved in an instant. They hurt. Bad.

But, really. Why do people cut? There’s a lot of reasons...families divorcing, abuse, fights, trouble with friends, emotional turmoil, feeling not good enough, feeling no one cares, rape, death, anger, or just simply feeling like the world is a gray splotch, and you aren’t exactly much better. When I asked my friend "Katie" (who was kind enough to do an interview with me) why she cut, here’s her answer. "I used to cut because I felt it would get rid of my inner pain. It was like letting out anger and sorrow. People said i should try to draw how I felt, but it never worked. I was too angry to do anything but cut."

Shattered

Depression haunts me everywhere I go.
Leaving me hopeless.
Leaving me cold.
My body is torn, bloody, and battered.
My soul is lost and forever shattered

People that cut aren’t statistics. They aren’t numbers on a page. They aren’t freaks, or weirdos. They’re normal people...who are hurting on the inside. They might look just like you, they might not...but, they still feel the pain deep inside...where it hurts so bad, you have to do something about it.

My question: Would you say that cutting solved your problems and made you feel better?

It made me feel like I had a load off of my shoulders, but I soon did it all over again, because something else happened. My mind was so clouded with cutting, it was all I could ever think about, sometimes even now I consider it.

My Question: Would you agree that having intense emotional pain made you desire physical pain?

That's a major 'yes'. being emotional is the number 1 cause of cutting. Either you've lost a loved one, or maybe a friend was spreading horrible roumers. I have a count of 293, maybe more, self inflicted scars, and they just remind you of the pain, they don't necessarily get rid of your feelings.

"...Hope chewed on her plastic spoon thoughtfully, and then spooned the last of the ice cream into her mouth...Suddenly, she realized she wasn’t wearing her wristbands...she always wore three or four...they covered up the scars. Hope wondered why her parents hadn’t figured it out yet. She talked to them about most things...they listened to her every time...but they still didn’t know she habitually cut herself. Hope just couldn’t tell them that."

My Question: Would you agree that cutting is really kinda like drugs? The high, the low...

Yes. Cutting is just a way to get rid of your problems, just like another person does drugs to make them feel better. If you say 'Cutting is no where near doing drugs! Drugs make you crazy, and cutting helps!' you are very wrong. Why do you cut? You could be doing something else to vent.. but aparently, you're crazy enough to do it...It makes you FEEL like it helps, but ask yourself,'Are my troubles gone? Or are they still here, and I'm just ignoring them?'

 

One of the worst ways to deal with pain is to ignore it. Trust me, I’ve tried. If you bottle up the pain, and bottle it up, and never let any of it out...that’s when you slip into even more intense depression...deeper blackness, if you will. The second worst thing? Pretend like it doesn’t exist...even when talking to God. You’re not perfect. God knows you’re not. He knows you’re sufferering, and every time you hurt...He hurts with you. Every time you cut yourself, He feels your pain. He knows exactly how you feel, even when you can’t express it even to yourself. Is there a way out? Is there ever an end to the pain?

This is a song that is actually dealing with a drug addiction. But, I believe you can get a lot from it.
This Dark Day by 12 Stones

...I've lost all my will
This has been haunting me way to long
And I can't rewind
I'm the suffering kind
I've been abusing way to long
I'm breaking
Suffocating...
Now I'm trapped in the wake
Of all my mistakes
I've been under for way too long
I sit and I shake
My heart starts to race
The poison lingers in my veins
I'm fading
Suffocating...
I'll close my eyes and I'll drift away
I'll make it through my darkest day
And I'll sing this song at the top of my lungs
Until this dark day is done...
You said I'd never change
You said I'd never had the strength
To break away
But now I've changed
It's time to turn the page
And walk away...
I made it through my darkest day
And I'll sing this song at the top of my lungs
Now that this dark day is done
I'll open my eyes and I'll stay awake
I made it through my darkest day
And I'll sing this song at the top of my lungs
Now that this dark day is done
(note: this is not the complete song.)

And, with that, it brings me to a question. Is it possible to stop cutting? How?

My Question: Is it possible to get off of cutting? Is it hard?

 

I started cutting, and tried to get off of it about 4 times, but I always got back on it. It is hard to get off cutting, but it is possible. You have to have a strong will, and if you can start cutting, you can most definately stop.

When "Katie" came for a visit this summer, she told me that she had gone four months without cutting. She said she had wanted to....had really wanted to. But, she knew she had to stop.

"Justin sipped his Dr. Pepper, while Hope finished her ice cream. Then his mind went back to the scars. Again. Did she realize that he could feel them, when he had helped her off the couch? He knew what they looked like...what they felt like. He stole a glance at Hope, and then stared into his coke. She didn’t seem the type...

"Ahhhh. Well, I guess we’ll figure it out..." Justin visibly relaxed in his chair again. Then his hand strayed to his own wrist, and felt his own scars."

Justin Thrash is a character in a short story I’m working on. Justin is completely fictional, but modeled on someone I’m really close to. Justin has a huge problem. He used to cut. He never told anyone, but he knows he will someday. For Justin, it all changed about two years previous to this story. His life was at it’s worst. He hated himself, he hated what he did to himself, he hated everything. One day he ended up on his floor, sobbing, while he wiped the fresh blood off his wrists. Not just physical pain...though, it was the deepest cuts he’d ever made...The emotional pain was a torment. He couldn’t stand what he was doing, but he couldn’t get out. He was trapped in every essence of the word. He’d got himself here, and he didn’t know how he’d get out. From his standpoint, life wasn’t great anyways...why stay here? Suicide seemed a viable option to him. Huddled on his floor, death, whatever that would mean afterwards, seemed wonderful. Great. Hours later, Justin walked out of his house onto his street. Walking down the street, he saw one of his friends mowing the grass. Justin decided to talk to him for a while...That night, Justin sat down on his bed. Then and there, he made a promise to himself. He didn’t know much about all this, but, if his friend was right, he could stop cutting. There was another way, a better way. Someone actually cares. The thought rocked Justin’s world for a minute. He could do this. He would do this. He’d looked for love all his life...and only now was he finding it.

Home

It’s written in your eyes
I can see the face you hide
It’s getting harder every night
To want to be alive
Thinking thoughts inside your mind
Of leaving us all behind
Leaving us all behind

But you’re not quite home yet
You’re not quite through
It’s not your time
He’s got a plan for you
There’s still a plan for you
It’s everywhere you hide
‘Cause the shadows follow you
You think you can’t escape
But you’re running anyway
And you’re thoughts all break my heart
There’s a chapter left to write

Won’t you run, fly open up your lungs tonight, breathe freedom for the first time in your life

For those who cut, or have cut, let me tell you something. God has a plan for you. He is NOT done with you yet. God wants you. He wants to be able to hold you in His arms and love you. He wants to show you that to Him you are everything...He loves you more than anyone on earth can. No matter what you do to yourself, no matter how badly you hurt yourself, no matter how much you want to die....He still loves you. He doesn’t care what you’ve done in the past. He doesn’t care what you’re doing right now. But, He DOES want you to drop it all and run to Him. Only there, only wrapped in His arms can you find peace. Only there can you ever find the strength to quit. Only in Jesus’s arms will you ever find happiness. Only there will you find the strength to smile through the pain you experience. Only there can Justin, or Hope, or Katie ever find the hope to live. Only there can they find the strength to leave behind habits that rule your life. Only there can you truly find what you’re looking for.

Yeah, you can disregard everything I’ve said. Yeah, you can throw it all out as garbage. You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to. But, please, please, please think about this one fact. You may hate what you look at in the mirror every day, you may hate everything about you...you may hate the fact that you cut, but you can’t stop. Jesus is there. He was cut. For you. There’s no point in carrying the pain when He’s standing beside you, begging you to let Him carry it for you. Let Him have your pain. Let Him have your life. Run to Him. He’ll always take you back.

I’d like to say that I’m here for you. I may not know you, you may not know me. But, feel free to message me at any time if you’re dealing with something, and you want me to pray for you. I’d absolutely love to pray for you.

Next time (hopefully sooner than this post was in coming), I’ll share some of what the friend of someone who cuts can do for their friend...what it’s like, how you can help. If you have any input, I’d love to hear it!

by Building 429
by Anonymous

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Friday, August 15, 2008 - Feel the Pain

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

This is just a preview of my next post, which, if you think about it, you can pray about it. This is the hardest post I've ever tried to write...and I've started, and then re-done it so many times. But, here's a taste of one of the stories I'll be using in it. This one I actually wrote, and it's completely fictional.

"Hope stepped forward uncertaintly. She wasn’t sure whether she belonged in this room or not. It was dark and musty, with cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and deep shadows beckoning her to hide in them. Even though the room was full of people, a heavy sense of dread seemed to hang in Hope’s heart, and make her feel alone. She quietly slipped into a seat in the corner, only to be scruntinized by a small group near her. She tenatively offered a smile, but only received a giggle in return.

She sighed. She’d been to them all before. It wasn’t any use...trying to be friendly. Guys would just check her out, and girls would either laugh, or stare at her. She squirmed in her seat, fighting the loose sense of panic that shot through her body. Focusing her eyes on the floor, and keeping her stinging eyes dry, she ran her fingers over the scars again. Why not do it again? ..."

Thank you to all who have prayed, contributed, and helped me. I couldn't do it without you!

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008 - "We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And we did. But not for me..."

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Had to have a random LOTR quote. Because right now, I'm in a fairly good mood. :P

Anyways, just letting you know that I'm back from my vacation, I had a lot of fun, and hopefully I can get that post written today.

Thank you to all who have commented, PMed, and just talked to me about this. I couldn't really do all this without you all.

~Grace

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Friday, August 1, 2008 -

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Hi, this is Emma, and I'm supposed to let you all know that Grace is going to be gone for a few days but she would love for you to share your stories about cutting via comment or PM.

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Monday, July 28, 2008 - Feelin' Feminine Website!

Entered into Beliefs

Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.

Miss Jocelyn emailed me a few days ago, and asked me to do a post about the Feelin' Feminine Website today, when she first posted about it on her blog.

You can go here to view the website:

http://feelinfeminine.com

Since I did the challenge a few weeks ago, but never got the oppurtunity to post about it, I thought I would now.

I actually only got to do it for a couple of days, due to some very interesting circumstances...

We had day camp that week, so for me it was a challenge to find skirts that were cool, functionable, and worked well when you were running after kids all day long. :) It was also really fun to explain to the kids why I was wearing a skirt (even though I did it over and over again). All in all, I really enjoyed the challenge, even though I had to shorten it a wee bit.

My story with being feminine...well, I have four brothers. I'm the only girl in our family, and at 14, I'm in the middle. I have an older (married) brother who's 19, another older brother who's 17, a younger brother who's 11, and another who's 7. So, I've gone back and forth. When I was little, I played cowboys and Indians, and marched in the army every day. When I got a little older I had to get on my brothers for stealing my baby dolls and hanging them from a tree. All that to say this...I didn't really grasp what femininity was until about a year ago. As far as dressing, I went for...whatever that's really simple and works for me. Which was fine. Until then, when I started to grasp what it meant...not only to dress, but to speak, to act, everything.

So, I suppose, that's my story. :) And I'm sorry it's late.

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