Friday, August 15, 2008 - Feel the Pain
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
This is just a preview of my next post, which, if you think about it, you can pray about it. This is the hardest post I've ever tried to write...and I've started, and then re-done it so many times. But, here's a taste of one of the stories I'll be using in it. This one I actually wrote, and it's completely fictional.
"Hope stepped forward uncertaintly. She wasn’t sure whether she belonged in this room or not. It was dark and musty, with cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and deep shadows beckoning her to hide in them. Even though the room was full of people, a heavy sense of dread seemed to hang in Hope’s heart, and make her feel alone. She quietly slipped into a seat in the corner, only to be scruntinized by a small group near her. She tenatively offered a smile, but only received a giggle in return.
She sighed. She’d been to them all before. It wasn’t any use...trying to be friendly. Guys would just check her out, and girls would either laugh, or stare at her. She squirmed in her seat, fighting the loose sense of panic that shot through her body. Focusing her eyes on the floor, and keeping her stinging eyes dry, she ran her fingers over the scars again. Why not do it again? ..."
Thank you to all who have prayed, contributed, and helped me. I couldn't do it without you!
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Tuesday, August 5, 2008 - "We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And we did. But not for me..."
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Had to have a random LOTR quote. Because right now, I'm in a fairly good mood. :P
Anyways, just letting you know that I'm back from my vacation, I had a lot of fun, and hopefully I can get that post written today.
Thank you to all who have commented, PMed, and just talked to me about this. I couldn't really do all this without you all.
~Grace
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Friday, August 1, 2008 -
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Hi, this is Emma, and I'm supposed to let you all know that Grace is going to be gone for a few days but she would love for you to share your stories about cutting via comment or PM.
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Monday, July 28, 2008 - Feelin' Feminine Website!
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Miss Jocelyn emailed me a few days ago, and asked me to do a post about the Feelin' Feminine Website today, when she first posted about it on her blog.
You can go here to view the website:
Since I did the challenge a few weeks ago, but never got the oppurtunity to post about it, I thought I would now.
I actually only got to do it for a couple of days, due to some very interesting circumstances...
We had day camp that week, so for me it was a challenge to find skirts that were cool, functionable, and worked well when you were running after kids all day long. :) It was also really fun to explain to the kids why I was wearing a skirt (even though I did it over and over again). All in all, I really enjoyed the challenge, even though I had to shorten it a wee bit.
My story with being feminine...well, I have four brothers. I'm the only girl in our family, and at 14, I'm in the middle. I have an older (married) brother who's 19, another older brother who's 17, a younger brother who's 11, and another who's 7. So, I've gone back and forth. When I was little, I played cowboys and Indians, and marched in the army every day. When I got a little older I had to get on my brothers for stealing my baby dolls and hanging them from a tree. All that to say this...I didn't really grasp what femininity was until about a year ago. As far as dressing, I went for...whatever that's really simple and works for me. Which was fine. Until then, when I started to grasp what it meant...not only to dress, but to speak, to act, everything.
So, I suppose, that's my story. :) And I'm sorry it's late.
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Tuesday, July 8, 2008 - See the Scars, Part 1
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
*Note:* I'm not going to mince words about depression, or the physical pain of cutting, so the content may be slightly more mature than some of my posts. Also, when I refer to people that cut as "cutters", please don't think I am being condescending, or in any way looking down on them...it's just easier to type that way.
The young girl screams,
But slashes again,
Covered with blood,
Her arms are scarred.
She feels so cold,
She feels alone,
Without hope,
No love in sight.
In this post, I'm mostly going to talk about cutting. However, in forthcoming posts, we'll talk about food disorders, destructive habits, and burning (as well as several more posts on cutting).
I don't know about you, but several years ago, I first read the phrase "cutting." I didn't know exactly what it meant. I soon learned it meant to cut (in some way) your wrists, arms, or even your legs. I've heard of people who would cut their feet. I still didn't really understand why they'd do that....I was only 12 at the time, and depression wasn't exactly my emotional state. I'm now 14, and I'd like to think I understand cutters a little bit more. I've been through some...well, fairly intense depression. I've thought about cutting...and thought and thought and thought about it. But I never could bring myself to do it. But, more about that later.
So, what really gives ME the right to write this post? Well, nothing, other than the fact that God has really placed cutters on my heart. He's given me a burden for them. Even though I'm not, and never have been a cutter, I haven't always dealt with pain in my life the best way. But, that's another post. But, all in all, I think God has given me something to say. And, whether you are a cutter, or whether you have a friend that's a cutter, or whether you just would like to understand cutters a little more...please keep reading this. All in all, I believe that God has shown me in so many ways that He can bring people out of this. I don't want to just tell people that cut that it's wrong and not to do it. No. That's not really what God has given me to say.
So, what is cutting anyways? Cutting, as far as I've seen, read, and heard, is when someone will cut themselves with any sharp object. Razor blades, broken glass, knives...it's all been used. People generally think of cutting as only on the wrists, but oftentimes it's on the arms, legs, and thighs of the cutters too. That's a very basic definition. There are other ways of hurting yourself-burning for instance, but that will be another post in this series.
One of my friends, whom we'll call "Kate" has freely admitted to me that she used to cut. She showed me several of the scars on her arms. She'll have those scars for life. She told me that she has 294 self-inflicted scars on herself. I hugged her and we cried together for a while. How did she get this way? Why did she do this? To look at her, she's just a normal girl. She's 14, like me, and looks slightly emo. Her parents were divorced when she was little, and her Mom remarried. She moved away from where I live when she was 10 or so, and now lives a state or two away. She comes down and visits every so often...last summer she visited, and was saved at a youth service. She's normal...she attends church fairly often when she's at home...her granny is a very active member of our church, and always has been. She's fairly normal, right? So what went wrong?
Nothing. Cutting is by far a more common problem than people realize. She's not alone. Kate told me herself, "After awhile, I hurt so bad that I couldn't feel it anymore. Even when I cut, the pain wasn't enough." Her step-dad isn't exactly a Father to her...at all. She's been hurt a lot in her life. Over and over and over. So she cut.
Manytimes, emotional pain becomes so great that you have to inflict physical pain on yourself...somehow let the pain you feel become a reality to yourself. And cutting is, actually, one of the easiest ways to do it. Cutting seems like it's an escape. It seems like it's a way out. After all, it only hurts you, right?
Wrong. Cutting affects everyone around you. Cutting doesn't provide a way out...cutting is in many ways, like being addicted to drugs. Kate said one day that cutting doesn't really make you feel all that much better. It makes you feel a little better for a time...rather like a high. And then you're down again...deeper than before sometimes. Cutting is in many ways an addiction...an addiction to pain.
My next post will be much different. I'd like to explore a little bit of why people that cut do so. If you'd like to contribute in any way, email me! I'd love to have you help.
If you have a question to ask Kate, please tell me, and I'll ask her. :) She'd be more than happy to answer any questions you have!
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Monday, July 7, 2008 - The Scars Aren't Just on You...
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
I'm going to write a post on cutting soon. I was going to write it tonight, but it's just not to be. I need to get to bed soon.
But, I will say this...
1.)Have you ever cut yourself? (you may PM me if you wish...don't worry your name won't be mentioned in the post)
2.) Why or why not?
3.) Have you felt like cutting yourself?
4.)Is that related to not feeling good enough, in your opinion?
Thanks so much!!!!!! Again, PM or comment, or email me the answers....I think when I get the post done, it'll be quite interesting...
EDIT: Anonymous made an excellent point, and I'd like to say that this post (when I finish it, at least) won't be a "don't do it, it's wrong" post. I want to dive into why people cut, and how Jesus can bring you out of that, and how we can help. Thanks!
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Saturday, June 28, 2008 - Bekka Awarded Me!
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Bekka awarded me! Don't I feel special??? :) No, I really do. Thanks, Bekka!
So, I don't see any rules...So, I'll just go about it as I please. :) First, I'll award my dear brother
Luke (Warrior of the Dawn)- Not only is he a great older brother, he's a great blogger (when he blogs :P). He shares what's going on, shares stories, essays, and so much more...Love ya, Luke!
Meggy T- Meggy's a great friend, and her blog is excellent-truly deserving this award. Her post on starting a blog revival was....inspiriing, to say the least, and it inspired my post on a similar strain. :)
Jesusfreakteens- Man. Emma started this blog a little while back, and I've greatly enjoyed the discussions I've been able to be a part of. I'd highly encourage visiting this blog, and joining in...we'd love to have you!
Stories4Him- Messenger is a girl whom I'm proud to call my friend. This is her writing blog...one that I've intensely enjoyed over the last few months. She's an excellent writer, and a highly imaginative and creative one.
Kate (formerly ElvishMaiden14)- I've had the privelege of being Kate's SSA for the last two sessions, and I've really enjoyed it! Kate's an excellent writer, as well, and I've really enjoyed reading her posts.
Oh, and on a side-note...This is my 80th post on HSB. :)
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Tuesday, June 17, 2008 - Youth Groups
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Let me say this first. I'm in a youth group. I've been in a youth group since the end of 6th grade (I just finished 8th). My Dad is a pastor. My big brother Luke is a youth leader. My older brother Daniel leads worship with Luke....we're extremely involved in our youth group. If they're doing anything, we're there, and we're in the middle of it. And I love it. :)
Youth groups. I'm involved in one, quite heavily. My youth group runs about thirty every week. We're closely knit, and we're all friends with one another. It might sound like boasting, but honestly, there aren't any cliques in our youth group. Certaintly, groups of friends get together during dinner, but everyone feels free to sit wherever and with whomever they like. On an average Wednesday night, we gather about 4:30. We play ping-pong, basketball, football sometimes, and the girls help cook and talk and ride the waves. (the skateboardy things) We eat dinner about 5:15. After that, we hang out until the guys go back and pray, and then we clean up dinner, and set up the chairs and stuff for the service. That starts at 6:30. We sing three or four songs, sometimes have a skit or two-minute warning, and then we have a message brought by one of our youth leaders. Really, we just have a regular service. We finish up about 8:15, usually.
Whenever we get together just to hang out as a group, we have some sort of devo, and an oppurtunity to share the gospel. We don't really do much together. Well, besides just hanging out. We don't go to water parks, go bowling, really, anything. We go to church camp in the summer, and host a youth event for teens in our area in August. That's our youth group. I suppose we're kinda strange. Our leaders are really good about reminding us that youth groups aren't for meeting that guy or that girl. That's not the reason we go to church...or it shouldn't be anyways.
Recently, Miss Jocelyn wrote a post about your family being your best friends. I agreed with almost everything she said...it was an excellent article. My family are some of my best firends. My 16yo brother is absolutely one of my very best friends. I tell him everything...he tells me most everything. We listen to music together, he takes me where I need to go, we spend a lot of time together. I'm right in the middle of four boys. I don't have a sister....well, I do have a sister-in-law, but they don't actually live with us. :) So, I have some very close girl friends...from church. From the youth group.
I've gotten pretty close to these girls. Emma and I have only been friends for a year or so, but we're really close. We tell each other almost everything, and it's really great to have someone to pray for you, even when you can't tell them why yet. Tara, otherwise known as Jazzy, is a great friend. Not to mention that she and my 16yo brother are....well, very good friends. But, Tara's been there for me. She's quick to slap me back to reality, crush the sappy moment, tease me when I need it, and laugh at some of my bad puns. (the others didn't deserve it) Stuphy is another friend....she and I are accountability partners right now in several areas of my life. I told her that if she saw me going too far, to tell me. It's great.
I have a lot of great guy friends too...many of them are almost like my brothers. But, my point isn't that I have great friends. Though...I do, and I love them all. But, my point is that my youth group is like an extension of my family. My spiritual family. They're there to hold me up, encourage me, tell me when I'm living in blatant sin....they're part of the body of Christ. I do the same for them. To me, the Church is vitally important. I need my church family. I need my blood family more, but I still need my youth group.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is this: our youth group isn't the average group. Our service isn't a "hookup time", but rather a time of worship and truly praising God. Our sermons aren't about not doing drugs...that's expected of us. One example of one a couple of months ago, was when Dusty preached about making (and keeping) vows to God. Or we talked about being a dreamer for God. And so much more. It's amazing to get to fellowship with people my age that also have a strong walk with God.
With this post...share your opinion. Do you go to a youth group? Why, or why not? Please remember to be respectful. :) Thank you!
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Thursday, June 12, 2008 - Church Camp was...absolutely...
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Church Camp was amazing...incredible....absolutely undescribable, if that's a word. There's no way I can describe how it feels to be in a room full of people broken over their sin. How it feels when everyone around you is worshipping just like you are. How it feels to be able to let go of things...forgive yourself. How it feels to absolutely be in fellowship with God. To just be still....to see Him in the breeze, the people around you, the sounds, the music, everything. It's a truly amazing time.
God really worked in my life....I'm a different person. I could've stayed another month in many ways, but, in some, I was ready to come back. I want to "rub off" on people what God has given me. He's shown me so much...blessed me so heavily with His presence last week....I can't hold it inside. I won't. (that's a paraphrase of a verse from Jeremiah, by the way)
Let God change you. Just get out of His way, and prepare to be blessed. It may hurt at first, it may exhaust you emotionally. But, otherwise, it's the best feeling you'll ever feel.
PS Bekka awarded me! I'll post about that as soon as I can....
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Sunday, June 1, 2008 - Church Camp....
Soli Deo Gloria-It's all for HIS glory.
Our youth group is leaving for church camp tomorrow. The goal of the week is to get alone with God-completely isolated from the computer, television, radio, iPods, etc. Anything. It's just you and God. For some, that's a really joyous thought...others come home emotionally torn up. I'm both ways...I'm already emotionally exhuasted.
But, I'd like to ask you to pray for us this week at Church Camp. It's an incredible experience...I got saved at church camp, I dedicated my life to missions at church camp, I made a friendship with one of my cousins at church camp. It's an amazing experience for me.
I'd like to ask you to pray that:
- One, my focus and everyone else's in the group will stay completely on God.
- Two, that I won't totally lose my temper with the girls going (trust me, a week in one room with all of them...it's hard)
- That God would reveal himself in a mighty way to all of us.
- For a friend and I-we're having an interesting time, and I really wanna see healing on both sides.
- That throughout the week, no matter what, everything would glorify and magnify the Lord Jesus Christ.
- That we would grow closer to God as a youth group, and be more unified.
Thank you all so much! I appreciate it! I need to go finish packing, as we leave tomorrow morning.
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