Posted in Little One Lost

My heart and prayer goes out to Caroline in the loss of her little one!!!  It brings all back the sadness of loosing our little one!!  Remembering...

As we told the girls, we prayed for them as a family.  Ladybug prayed that our little one and their little one could now play together in heaven. 

It was a God moment filled with His comfort!!

Update:   Lovebug's nose is positivelly green!!!  Healing.  Hubbie announced today that the bumps in the road no longer hurt.  Healing.  He's also back to driving his stick!

It is amazing how God created our bodies to heal!!!  From noses to major surgery we continually see God's hand in healing our sickess...  It is so good to call on Him!!  ss

Posted in Little One Lost

My 7yo said she did not want to eat her hamburger...  and at dinner she sat and stared at me the longest before she finally ate it....  I found later she had written that she was going to give up hamburgers for 3 days!!  As a matter of conscience she sat and stared.  I've known her to be headstrong... but this direction....

Reading on her own in her God and Me 2 book started w/ a story on "Esther- My prayers can reach heaven.  2 Chronicles 30:27"

The devotional questioned... "What do you want to change with your prayers?"  "Baby" (Oh, the loss of our little one weighs heavy on little hearts too.)

The next page challenges Hand to Heaven... "Think of something you can give up for three days to show God you are serious about your prayers to him."

After dinner that night, she explained to me why she was giving up hamburgers, meat and money to pray for a baby.  She asked if it should be a girl or a boy...  And I said we'd love any little one God gave us.  We talked about what to give up and decided giving up dinner was not her option.  She started to think of other things... math and school... and giving up those where not an option either.... 

What optional things could she give up for 3 days?  Then she decided upon ice cream, webkinz, & candy.  Now for 3 days she's foregone candy and webkins and ice cream... to pray for a baby.  We've talked how God answers prayer... yes... no... and wait.

My heart is touched by her prayers & by her passion to give up her favorites to pray for a baby.  I'm challenged to pray and yet this ground in my heart is so tender... even raw...  fast and pray.  fast and pray.  I'm thinking we'll enter a season to fast... maybe from the pc and cell phone!!  To fast and pray for a baby.

I'm very reminded to pray for their tender hearts.  My little one yet asks when we'll go to the hospital to get the baby to bury....  it is so hard to understand.  My oldest sees someone expecting and asks why we cannot have a baby & then fasts and prays for a baby.  God hears our prayer and all life is in His hands.  I pray for those headstrong dirctions to honor Him.

All this time I was not schooling... and God's been her teacher...  Wow!

Last night on the way to her Bible study with her daddy she saw the sunset and exclaimed "Wow dad!!  Look at that, oh man oh man... God is going to be famous for this one!!"

Hubbie is recovering well and standing mostly straight up!  He was exhausted after work.  We enjoyed a wonderful meal from Caroline..  Thanks!!!  And we had a good walk tonight.  He's making great strides.  God is the Great Physician.  Rapha.  We had a good official school day & ballet too!!  ss

Posted in Little One Lost

Posted in Little One Lost

I'm quite a bit out of the loop since loosing our little one...  as of yet I still tear up on the phone.  That makes groups very overwhelming.

I tried to go to drop the girls at AWANA tonight.  I hoped for little exposure.  I got more than I bargained for.

1- "How are you?"  Good (I really am good from where I've been) but I felt scolded... "You don't have to be good...."  (I soon learned that 'good' was a safe answer.)

2- "How are you doing?"  It's been a really hard week.  (Well, that did me in!  With sunglasses in place I quickly retreated with wet eyes...  the "good" was easer to handle...)

3- "When's your date?"  (I know the question was in innocent... but I was toast.... as the tears came I retreated.  I was so thankfull my wonderful Hubbie could explain and get our kidos.)

I’ve heard tears are healing.... but right now they just feel like pain.  I'm nowhere ready for these tears to pick up and carry me away.  It is so much easer at home.  I'm yet praying for healing and I know who heals!!  His name is Jesus.

My heart goes out to a girlfriend who also lost her little one just a week before me!  We share the same pain.  We are both are praying for another friend to yet have a baby girl and that she’s not be burden by our losses!!!

Posted in Little One Lost

These are the words that have brought me comfort this week. 

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

God is in the process of bringing healing to my broken heart and body.  Slowly but surely!  We’ve enjoyed a wonderful weekend with family!  And been so blessed by wonderful ribeye steaks from precious neighbors!!  Thanks!

We are truly blessed!!  ss

Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman

Album: Where Angels Fear To Tread (2002)

by Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out

I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name 

Posted in Little One Lost

His mercies are new every morning.  God’s timing…  The girls and I enjoyed a walk this morning.  The birds were singing and we enjoyed the cooler temps.    

As we walked I’ve been slowed today by the coming storm as I physically catch up w/ loss that I already know.  Cramps I expected but contractions were a surprise.  Even my water broke this morning.  I’m praying for God to clean me inside and out…  and praying no D&C.

Thanks to precious friends who capture my girls and extend grace to me!

Posted in Little One Lost

Prayer-  Monday Hubbie joined me at my first Ob appt  and I was so eager to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  Alas, no heartbeat was found and a sonogram followed by blood work confirmed this little one did not make it.  

Pray for God’s healing on my body, on my broken heart and hopes.  Pray His protection of my girls and all their hopes for a little one.  (Their coloring have crying eyes.)  Pray for God’s clear direction and timing, I feel very pressured to be over this by Hubbie's surgery only a week or so out.

Pray for his surgery to go well and no complications October 2.  He’s again looking at a week in the hospital.  Pray for family who’s coming to have a good visit with the girls.

Prayer matters!!  Thanks for your continued prayer.  Yesterday I asked Hubbie  if this was a faith quake.  We're both ok.  We're shaken yet we both firmly know God is faithful.  His word has been precious and life to me throughout this season.  This week in Psalm 139 even the darkness is not dark to him.  I'm yet walking in a darkness with grieving this loss and I know He is my every present help in need. 

My grieving this little one started on Monday.  I knew things were not right.   All the hope of the 11 weeks we waited vanished like vapor.  The cute Christmas dress that would be so cute with a bump rather than a square pillow is not to be.  Oh gracious.  We laughed as friends prayed for a stinky baby boy!!

He gives and takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.    

Today we girls took the day off and headed to the zoo.  We had a wonderful time!!  We even came home with somewhere between 1 and 20 antlions!!!   Anyone want our extras???  It was a great distraction from the heaviness….  

I’m yet claiming His yoke is easy & His burden is light, but it has gotten a lot heavier…

Posted in Little One Lost

This morning I woke w/ the heaviness of what's to come!

I'm standing on My yoke is easy & my burden is light... 

And we've been learning Psalm 139....

It is heavy that God's not knitting!!  But He's yet in control & good...

I've found comfort in the verses there....

Where can I flee from your presence...

Even the darkness is not dark to you...

We'll talk w/ the girls tonight..  That will be hard....  Pray for God to guard their tender hearts...

I'm trying to figure out the timing of what's to come....  I figure I'm heading to a DNC with no changes on this end... and this really needs to happen before Hubbie's surgery, I don’t think I can head for the long time w/ this...

That's my grace for today!!

Thanks for your prayers!

Posted in Little One Lost

Hey-  I saw the Dr. today and things are not as they should be....  There was no heart beat or development that should be there by my dates.... We'll do testing later in the week for definitive results....  I'm not saying anything to the girls yet... and I'm mostly covered up in tears...  no calls please.

The Lord gives & the Lord takes away,

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

ss