I am borrowing this article from a friend's blog (http://www.ipresstowardthemark.blogspot.com/), because it is so good. I have a very strong-willed child, but we have made such progress through simply consistency (must be 100% consistent) and training for expected behaviors before a situation comes up. She is such a wonderful child and a joy. I get comments all the time about what a good girl she is (and she really is!), but everyone seems to think it is by "luck" - they don't realize that there is a lot of hard work involved. You have to work hard for any successes in life, but it is ALWAYS worth it...ESPECIALLY when it comes to your children!! :-)

Anyway, here's the article. It's really good!

The Strong Willed Child

As a former middle school teacher I saw many strong-willed children who had never learned to submit to authority.   They were my most frustrating students and they were such unhappy children.   Their parents did not enjoy them, their teachers were always frustrated with them, other kids were often aggravated by them.  In many ways, I felt sorry for them even though they were in-your-face defiant.   They had no idea how to operate in a world that does not revolve around what they want, no concept of the word "no", an inablility to accept something that was contrary to their will with grace and contentment.   My Dad is like this- an absolute control-freak who must have his way at all times.  He's one of the unhappiest people I know.    I do *not* want this type of life for Mary or Nathan- and as Fairchilds they certainly have a will to control. 


This is why it's so important to us to teach Mary and Nathan obey.   Controlling behaviors that are a little bit cute at 15 months old are annoying at three years old and downright antisocial by the time they are middle school age.   We not only want for them to be happy, content, productive adults but we want for them to feel treasured by their parents.  I know several children who routinely hear their parents complain about them and who feel as if they are their parents greatest annoyance in life.  Their parents don't enjoy spending time with them and the kids know it.  How sad is that?   You can't expect the kids to train themselves- the parents have to help them in this area.   I want to enjoy being with Mary and Nathan- not look at as a drudgery.  I cringe when I hear a parent say that they couldn't stand to be around their kids all day.  What message is this sending to the child?   The only way for Mary and Nathan to truly be happy is to be well-disciplined and that means obeying Mom and Dad.   Without obedience it would be impossible for myself and others to enjoy them and I don't want their childhood to be spent feeling like an annoyance- I want it to be one of being treasured and enjoyed by their parents and other adults who love them (grandparents, etc.)


Mary tends to be my more openly defiant, strong-willed, controlling child.  It means that I can never, NEVER let her win a battle.    If I tell her to put the drum on the second shelf and she cuts her eyes over at me and puts it on the third shelf, that's defiant.  She *knows* what I asked her to do and it's her little way of defying what I told her to do.   Almost complying with a directive is not complying- or delayed obedience is really disobedience.    Sometimes people will comment to me that I don't know what it's really like to have a strong-willed child or that Mary certainly doesn't appear to be strong-willed.   That's because we started working on this at a young age.    She had her first temper fit at around six months old- she was flat out furious at having her diaper changed.   Arching her back, screaming, etc.   We did not allow it to continue.   She went through a screaming phase at around 14 months old that we disciplined for until she submitted to "no screaming" directives from Mom and Dad.   We did not wait until she was a full blown brat at three or four to start disciplining her- she knows that when Mama tells her to do something she better do it because Mama means business.  It is the only thing that has saved her from being an absolute terror.  


Disclaimer- Now, we certainly have not "arrived" and have a long way to go- I realized a few days ago that we need some serious work on "come to Mama"- they are not coming when called the first time which is disobedience.    Nathan and Mary both have some table manners that need to be improved upon.    We surely don't have it all figured out yet.   I can think of several issues in discipline/obedience that need to be worked on right now or in the near future.    The point is that we recognize them and are going to work on them rather then throwing our hands up in the air and passing it off as a "phase" or being "strong-willed" or maybe they'll "grow out of it". 

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Posted by Anonymous

Posted by Anonymous