Spunky Homeschool

Where's Dad?

Jun. 13, 2006 at 9:51 AM

Homeschooling

Yesterday, I posted a question from a reader about single parent homeschooling.

There is another "single" parent homeschooler, though not quite as obvious as the true one parent household. That's the homeschooling mom whose husband supports homeschooling, but from a distance. He lives in the same house but shows little interest in what is actually going on in the home. I've met a few women recently who shared their struggle. They don't want to give up homeschooling, but they see no end in sight. I don't think disinterested husbands are unique to homeschool families, but this does present different challenges for the mom.

I've shared my own struggle with this issue, in From Honeymoon to Happy Home. You can read there how God helped me work through some of these issues. It was a difficult transition but we have enjoyed the blessings of a stronger marriage and family life.

If you're struggling with a husband who seems less than interested in his family; pray and pray some more. God will make a way. The solutions may not be exactly what you expect, or the results as quick as you would like; but be blessing to your family will be eternal.

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6 Comments and Trackbacks

posted by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2006 at 8:42 AM

When I decided to homeschool, my husband was very against it, but agreed to try it for a year. He is now a strong advocate for homeschooling, having seen our children thrive and learn. May all fathers come to the same realisation.

Audrey
www.earningwhilelearning.blogspot.com

posted by scottsdomesticangel on Jun. 14, 2006 at 9:01 AM

You are so right about God eventually moving in a husbands heart. As long as the WIFE'S HEART IS RIGHT too. I have a husband who is still very non-commital about family, except in spurts. Gone up to 16 hours a day (better than being gone 10 days at a time) and from a family that didn't begin to understand the meaning of family, he has come SOOOO far. I still get absolutely NO input and NO help in h/s'ing, but ......life is better by far than 10 years ago. Prayer and perserverance works.

Denise

posted by jayfromcleveland on Jun. 14, 2006 at 1:50 PM

Spunky, I've blogged about this many times. You're exactly right -- any dad who has zero involvement with his family's homeschool is the equivalent of a deadbeat dad. It would be like missing your school kid's soccer game, or school play. It's still another way that men today, especially Christian men, are abdicating their God-mandated authority to their wives. We've seen this destroy marriages. Such abdication results in withdrawal on the part of the dad, which brings out the inherent shrew-ness in the mom, which exacerbates the problem. Eventually the parents draw apart from each other til they can't stand the sight of each other. This is a quiet problem in the church that's more subtle than infidelity but just as destructive to families.

Here's a controversial perspective for you -- the deadbeat homeschool dad syndrome contributes to the already-existing spirit of witchcraft in the homeschool movement, where the women are in charge of everything and the male influence is negligible. As a dad, the homeschool movement appears to be one big gal's coffee klatsch, from the support groups and conventions to... well, HSB. IMHO, it's not just desirable but IMPERATIVE that men become more proactive in their homes and more visible in the movement at large.

In our house, I'm the head of the home and I reckon that makes me the principal of the homeschool. My problem is, I always ask the kids to show me their schoolwork and whether I can help with math, etc., and they never come to me unless I'm making a big deal out of it. I'd like to be more involved but it's all on me to remember to ask every single time.

Another extreme situtation I know of is the homeschool family where mom doesn't want to homeschool, but dad pulls rank as head of the house and makes her homeschool against her wishes. In all the above instances, there should be balance and cooperation from parents and children to work together with schooling as with other areas of the home. -jay

posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jun. 14, 2006 at 2:09 PM

Jay you offered quite an commentary on what's really going on. Thanks. The overall feminization of our culture has definitely infiltrated the church and homeschooling. To be honest, it's been a struggle for me. I was raised to be independent and in control. Letting go and letting God and my husband lead is challenging. By God's grace I've come a long way. But still so very far to go.

posted by jayfromcleveland on Jun. 14, 2006 at 2:46 PM

Sure Spunky, I have no shortage of two cents! Frankly, I was going out on a limb with this one, because I've had Christian homeschool mommies who want argue this sort of point. Some people have denial issues! Truthfully, it's been hard for me as a dad to lead as I should, since proactivity often requires a guy to get his tired butt out of his comfortable chair. Then there are the incidents of resistance from the wife who is also a product of this feminized culture. So we all have a long way to go in working into Gods' perfect plan. -jay

posted by SusannahCox on Jun. 17, 2006 at 11:12 AM

Spunky, I was encouraged by your testimony and your willingness to humble yourself and let God lead through your husband.

Jay, you won't get any arguments from me! :) Good for you in taking an active role with your children.

A man who is willing to be teachable and hear from God often doesn't even need a lot of input (even the non-nagging type) from his wife...her prayers alone are often sufficient. This has happened in our marriage many times.

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