You Can't Have It All
Jul. 21, 2006 at 10:19 AM
Homeschooling
I was in Wal-Mart a couple of months ago. In front of me, in the check-out line, was a professionally dressed woman trying to hold her cell phone to her ear, while juggling her purchases in her hands and under her arms. In her continued effort to hold it all together, she dropped a box. I picked it up and held it until she finished the call. When she ended her conversation, she thanked me, sighed, and as women often do, she then began to tell a complete stranger (me) her frustrations. "That was my son. He's trying to get this project done. I'm supposed to be at work, but he needed a few things. Hopefully, my boss won't notice I took a longer lunch."
I empathized with her stress, "You do have your hands full. (It was fun to finally say that to someone else!) I think we've been lied to all these years, women really can't really have it all. Something always gets dropped." I handed her back the box.
She chuckled, "No, they can't."
Something always gets dropped. In this situation it was a box that was easily retrieved. But as the Daily Mail reports more often it's the children and the impact is far greater. A new study in Great Britain shows,
Barbara Curtis, said this in a post today
Related Tags: Mommy Wars, parenting, motherhood, home education, homeschooling
I empathized with her stress, "You do have your hands full. (It was fun to finally say that to someone else!) I think we've been lied to all these years, women really can't really have it all. Something always gets dropped." I handed her back the box.
She chuckled, "No, they can't."
Something always gets dropped. In this situation it was a box that was easily retrieved. But as the Daily Mail reports more often it's the children and the impact is far greater. A new study in Great Britain shows,
The upside to an article like this, is that maybe women will begin to understand there are always trade- offs. That the balance they believe they can achieve between work and family is a mirage, quality minutes don't make up for quantity minutes.A typical working parent spends just 19 minutes a day looking after their children, official figures revealed yesterday. The startling research shows the devastating impact that working full-time has on children who hardly see their parents.
With less than 20 minutes spent with their parents every day, this is only enough time to eat a quick breakfast together or have a couple of bed-time stories. ...Maire Fahey, editor of Prima, said: "In the 1980s, we thought we could have it all and aspired to high-flying careers and happy families. "But the cracks are starting to show. Family life is suffering and something has got to give."
Barbara Curtis, said this in a post today
Once you become a parent, life isn't about you anymore. It is about your kids. And kids need you more than anything else. They need your time and attention. The whole argument about "Quality Time" is bogus through and through.I agree with her in part. When we become a parent, life isn't about us anymore. It wasn't before that really. However, it often takes becoming a parent to help us realize that simple truth. But as a parent, I try and resist the urge to make it about my children as well. Yes, they need our time and attention, but life isn't about our kids. If we begin to believe that then we'll raise another generation who believe that life revolves around them. The sad cycle will just continue. Life isn't about me or my children. It's about the One who gave me and my children life. When I live a life that revolves around Him, it is easier to order my priorities in such a way that will benefit all of us. Our Lord has arms big enough to hold it all together and make sure that nothing gets dropped. We just need to let go and let Him.
Related Tags: Mommy Wars, parenting, motherhood, home education, homeschooling
6 Comments and Trackbacks
posted by stacey on Jul. 21, 2006 at 10:45 AM
I absolutely loved your summary! The only way to live a balanced life is to let God lead us in it.
Stacey
http://womenathome.typepad.com/stacey
posted by Dell on Jul. 21, 2006 at 11:44 AM
Very true... something always gets dropped.
Excellent entry, thank you!
posted by Barbara Curtis on Jul. 21, 2006 at 1:40 PM
I stand corrected! :)
posted by jayfromcleveland on Jul. 21, 2006 at 2:04 PM
Spunky, I've seen all this and more working in offices over the years. It's so sad how these professional women think they're doing their kids a favor by working late and on the weekends to make more money for that new Xbox or whatever.
Another dirty little secret of the feminist movement is that a vast majority of working moms depend on a mother, sister, friend or neighbor who is a traditional "stay-at-home mom" to watch their kids, either all day when they're little, or at least after school and over the summer. So traditional homemakers still prop up the modern "liberated woman."
Over the years, I've also known a number of middle aged professional women, past the age of child-bearing, who never got around to having kids. They always seem so listless and empty, since all they have in their lives is work, work, work. It's so sad. My heart goes out to these women who go home every night to an empty house and who chose having a career over holding their own baby. -j
posted by tiredmom on Jul. 21, 2006 at 11:58 PM
I'm contending with time issues right now and really feel like something needs to be "dropped"! I just don't know what.
posted by Boltbabe on Jul. 24, 2006 at 12:05 AM
Wonderful post! I couldn't agree with your thoughts more.