Child Wars
Nov. 14, 2005 at 8:29 AM
Parenting
We've all seen it happen and maybe even experienced it with our own children. An unruly toddler in a restuarant and the irritated stares of patrons nearby. What to do? Do you leave? Do you stay and try to keep them quiet? Do you get mad at the other patrons for their lack of compassion?
Well, Dan McCauley the owner of A Taste of Heaven in Chicago is fighting back the unruly behavior with his own rules of etiquette for children. . Quoting from an article in the New York Times, has posted a sign saying that
"children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven."He chose to post the sign because parents have been unable to control their children and he desires a pleasant calm atmosphere in his cafe. According to the article here's what Mr. McCauley has to deal with
Children were climbing the cafe's poles. A couple were blithely reading the newspaper while their daughter lay on the floor blocking the line for coffee. When the family whose children were running across the room to throw themselves against the display cases left after his admonishment, Mr. McCauley recalled, the restaurant erupted in applause.Unfortunately, some of their regular patrons are not too happy with the "keep our kids quiet or out policy." Here's what one mom had to say,
"I love people who don't have children who tell you how to parent," said Alison Miller, 35, a psychologist, corporate coach and mother of two. "I'd love for him to be responsible for three children for the next year and see if he can control the volume of their voices every minute of the day."While we have worked hard to teach and train our children to keep quiet in restaurants it does happen. They act loud or inappropriate. But when it does I am not put off by those who get annoyed with my child. It just tells me I have more work to do. I politely apologize for my child and if necessary leave. Other mothers don't seem to see it the same way. Here's what mother of two, Laurie Brauer said,
"I think that the mothers who allow their kids to run around and scream, that's wrong, but kids scream and there is nothing you can do about it. What are we supposed to do, not enjoy ourselves at a cafe?"So a parent with a loud toddler are allowed to enjoy themselves but the rest of the cafe has to suffer? I remember when I was a waitress years ago. I attempted to seat a family with their young son. Every table we tried was somehow unacceptable to the the little dictator. Eventually, the child declared, "I don't want any to eat here. I want to eat over there." He pointed to the a restaurant across the street. Obediently, the parents left the restaurant and went across the street! The whole restaurant breathed a sigh of relief.
With a little work you and your children can enjoy themselves.
While I agree that parents can't control the volume every minute of every day, they can teach them to use the proper voice in the proper place. And understand that when their child acts inappropriately they need to do something. We work with our children at home before we take them out. I learned this from my own parents. They would drill us before we even left the house about what they expected. Often my mom would have a menu and practice ordering so we were ready when the waitress came to our table. We've done similar things with our children. Then when we do take they out, they have already learned and developed the restraint necessary to control themselves. If they haven't we wouldn't go to a place where we would be a distraction. It's not that hard really but it does take time. And once they have learned how to sit quietly it is a joy to take them just about anywhere.
I remember one time when I just had my five children. The oldest was about 11. We attended a benefit violin concert. When we arrived the only seats left were right in the first row. I could see the looks of disapproval on the faces around me as we made our way to our seats. Quietly, we sat as the people behind me murmurred loud enough to let me know I had just wrecked their evening. However, at the intermission one elderly lady walk up to me. "Isn't that impressive!" she exclaimed.
I nodded in agreement, "Yes, the violinist sure are talented."
"No! Not my son. Your children!"
I was thankful and relieved that we had done the hard work at home. I don't share this story to boast. Not at all. I am thankful to God that I had parents who were willing to take the time to work with me. They were not the perfect parents and neither am I. But when parents take the time to work with their children, the children rise to the challenge. And in the end we all have a much more pleasant experience.
8 Comments and Trackbacks
posted by crewchief on Nov. 14, 2005 at 9:03 AM
Amen!! Well said.
posted by Boltbabe on Nov. 14, 2005 at 9:36 AM
Children should be taught manners at home. However, I must admit if I waited until my children were model citizens, I would never leave my home!~ asdfghjkl;~! Also, there are some children who have issues that leave their behavior out of their control, let alone anyone else's. The ordinary parent or person would not be able to understand what it takes to parent such a child. The normal rules do not exist. =) God Bless those parents!
posted by MySmokyMtnHomeschool on Nov. 14, 2005 at 10:06 AM
I just wish more people would do that. :-D
posted by Momma2theMax on Nov. 14, 2005 at 10:29 AM
i have been known to "pull my child to the car" for a spanking if the behaviour is outta control. and usually a much better behaved child emerges from the automobile than the one who went in....i used to work at a starbucks in a trendy downtown area and it never ceased to amaze me how these moms would come in at 9:30 in the morning load up their children on lemon knots and juice (or as we called them "Lemon Snots") and then let them run wild in the store and after about 1/2 an hour would, appalled, go running after them yelling at them to "stop touching" this or that....seriously! and i am sorry, but when i take my kids into a place it's not for relaxation its for training and i am a dog on a bone about good manners esp in public. now my kids are all under 8 and the 2 yo is usually my biggest challenge but they often get complimented for their behaviour. oh yeah....and when i want to "relax"...i get a sitter.
posted by gottsegnet on Nov. 14, 2005 at 4:25 PM
I don't think there would be such an issue if there were some attempt to control/teach/manage the out of control child. When I see a parent struggling with difficult behaviors, I feel sympathetic and not particularly disturbed. It's when children are running wild and the parents just ignore it that I get perturbed. When I worked at BK, we had a parent who refused to discipline her son and just watched as he stomped ketchup packets. She flew into quite a tizzy when one of the employees took the ketchup packets from him. Now, if she had been attempting to manage him, and were having difficulty trying to exit, I would not have thought twice about saying, "don't worry. I'll get it cleaned up." It's quite different when parents believe their children hava some sort of a right to be poorly behaved.
posted by Sharon (http://nesthome.blogspot.com/) on Nov. 14, 2005 at 7:57 PM
Well done, Spunky!
We often face this at church. We won't skip church, but there are times where I barely hear anything because our 19 month old is trying to talk with everyone or play or get away from us. What do we do?
Same situation in the stores. I won't just take him out because he has a tantrum. Too bad is another person doesn't like it- they can walk away from me. But I can't always take out my son- then that's doing what he was going for- getting out of there! KWIM?
It's such a hard call as to what "side" I am on. Personally, I am against that restaurant owner putting that sign up. I find it to be rude. But we also attempt to control our child. Parents that do not are rude, also.
posted by Claymation on Nov. 14, 2005 at 10:16 PM
I have seen this sign posted on a couple of blogs I like..."Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy." Same message, but with a sense of humor! I think the negative feelings are not toward parents with exuberant children who at least try to manage them...it is against the arrogance of parents who defend their child's misbehavior.
posted by cappuccinosmom on Nov. 15, 2005 at 7:04 AM
I'm always amazed when I get compliments on my boy's behavior. To me, we still have a looong way to go in the area of training and discipline, but other people seem to think they are both abnormally sweet, cheerful, and well-mannered. I suppose, in comparison to thier peers in this day and age, they are.
Oh, and the threat of my child recieving and espresso and a puppy really would influence me to be very, very watchful that he doesn't misbehave. ;)