The Youth Group Question
Jul. 5, 2005 at 6:51 AM
family
This is my response to JenIG question about youth group.
Our church youth group is having a sleepover / lock in tonight. Can we go? Kristin asked me last Friday night.
"Absolutely!" I replied.
"Yeah, the Braun youth group is having a lock in; Everybody go to bed!" Jason shouted.
That conversation just took place in our home last Friday night! We have don't participate in youth group. Our family is our youth group.
When our children were young they stayed with us during the church service. When someone asked my husband why he stated,
"I'm not keeping them out of the sanctuary for the first 18 years and then praying for the next 18 that they come back in. I'm letting them participate from the beginning."
That has been our attitude all along. Children do not need a special place to go unique to themselves on Sunday or any other day. And as our children have gotten older that has included youth group. Our decsion did not just factor in what the youth group might do to them, what they might do to youth group (my children are not perfect!), or the youth pastor's attitudes towards us. We also looked examined the purpose of youth groups and it's effect on our children.
Youth group mixes two distinct efforts. Evangelism and discipleship. They are two totally different ideas. Evangelism assumes that the children are in need of a Savior. Discipleship involves teaching one who already recognizes their need for a Savior and desires to grow in their faith. To mix them together creates a dilemma for the pastor and the youth group. Who is saved and who is not? How do you teach them? Wrong assumptions (especially among the youth) creates friendships that are hazardous. Bad company corrupts good morals. (1 Cor 15:33) Also, he who walks with the wise becomes wiser still but the companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20) I realize that the general meeting has this dynamic but it is far different than a total youth setting.
Youth group creates a dilemma for the father. As my children have discovered from the conversation above, God designed the family as the unit to for the foundation for society and that includes the church. I have seen many youth tire of family life and desire to be with their friends. The heart of the child should be to do the will of their father. Most youth groups do not encourage that type of thinking. The father is usually not even involved in the process. Unfortuantely, most churches don't exhort the father to lead so they have to "fill the gap" with youth group and youth pastor. This becomes a vicious cycle for the heart of the child. A youth group designed to "help" actually becomes a hinderance to biblical restoration in the family.
There is no such thing in the bible as the teen years. Scripture says, "When I was a child I spoke as a child but when I became a man I put childish things away." (1 Cor 13:11) Scripturally, we move from child to adulthood. There was no pergatory called the teen years to "find yourself". Our culture has created this period and the church has bought right into it. Interestingly, I was speaking with my Muslim neighbor (he's from Lebanon) and in their culture the youth are looked at far differently than they are here. The youth are considered men and workers to contribute to the family's well being. He was amazed at how coddled the teens are here for no apparent reason.
Youth group is self focused. People tell me they go on missions trips and do outreaches but those are occassional trips. The weekly meeting is centered around the youth. Their "unique" needs make it necessary to separate them from the general congregation to address them specifically. But what is so unique about the teenage years that is any more unique than any other time in life? (Now a momma with 6 children at 40 that's unique! Maybe I need my own group too!) And the idea of youth group is to make it "fun" so they will want to come back.
Girls were made to blush. Most youth groups mix the guys and gals together; This should not be. Our culture actively breaks down the barrier between men and women. And most marriages today are suffering the effects of this. Relationships should be fostered between our young people in an environment of guidance from the parents. But youth group removes that requirement and the youth are free to form friendships and beyond without parental guidance and protection.
Brother and sister relationships are hindered. And along those same lines, brother/sister relationships are also worn down. One wise mother told me that be careful what you let the older ones participate in because the younger are watching and imitating. If the older have "fun" activities designed just for them, the younger will want their own. And soon life becomes a rush to the next activity with no time for building family relationships.
Evangelism and minsitry is happening. My family does ministry and outreach. The assumption made by many when we tell them we don't participate in youth is that my children are being "sheltered" from life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't need to go into all the ways in which this happening but we are called to be a witness where we are. That is the attitude my children have adopted as well. The church is designed to train the believer to do the work of the ministry. Not the ministry that does all the work for the believer. (See Ephesians 4)
That's in a nutshell our thinking toward youth groups. It is not based on fear of what the youth group might do to my children.
Sally Carkston said in a conference I attended, "In the absence of biblical conviction you will go the way of culture."
It is incumbent upon every mom and dad to study the scripture and decide for themselves the reasoning for any activity they allow their children to participate in including youth group.
14 Comments and Trackbacks
posted by HolyExperience on Jul. 5, 2005 at 8:40 AM
You articulated your thoughts most clearly and convincingly....and may I borrow your dh's line about keeping children w/ you in the sanctuary? AMEN!
Most warmly,
Ann V.
posted by Beth on Jul. 5, 2005 at 10:32 AM
I find your thoughts to be so "right on"! Thanks for the encouragement.
posted by TOSPUBLISHER on Jul. 5, 2005 at 11:13 AM
Jen Ig will want to see this...you are so likeminded with us, it's scary. She'll want you a part of this book project, FYI.
gena
posted by Donnabooshay on Jul. 5, 2005 at 12:41 PM
I agree with you completely.
But I still wonder.
Should the church not evangelize the 'teenagers'.?
How should it be done? If at all.
Perhaps the focus should be on reaching out to fathers, so that they can learn to be the family's spiritual leader.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Donna
posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jul. 5, 2005 at 12:53 PM
Of course the church should evangelize the teens. Invite them over. Have their whole family over. Let the dad meet your husband. It's the churches job to reach the lost no matter what age they are. But the church is not a building it is people living out the minsitry of Christ daily. Don't bring them to church bring them home first.
Spunky
posted by Adrienne on Jul. 5, 2005 at 12:59 PM
Our family shares many of your thoughts on this, I am going to have to remember the great response that your hubbys gives though, "I'm not keeping them out of the sanctuary for the first 18 years and then praying for the next 18 that they come back in. I'm letting them participate from the beginning."
posted by belovedbks on Jul. 5, 2005 at 1:40 PM
Hi, Spunky...
I was just on the phone with you. Wow. What a great article!! This has been my conviction over the years as well. Great job.
Would you consider allowing me to reprint this at ChristianHomeschooling.us? I just needed one more good *serious* article, and this fits the bill.
Now to find that "one more funny article" I need... then off to the presses. ;-)
Blessings!
Heather Idoni
Beloved Books - Linden, MI
(FIRE 2005 Homeschool Family Camp :: http://www.familyclassroom.net)
posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jul. 5, 2005 at 1:59 PM
Just reference the this blog as the source and that will be fine.
e-mail me at spunkyhomeschool at yahoo dot com
Spunky
posted by Donnabooshay on Jul. 5, 2005 at 7:57 PM
Thank you for answering my question Spunky.
Your suggestions are perfect.
Thank you for sharing!
Donna
posted by Jul on Jul. 18, 2005 at 7:30 PM
I really enjoyed that post and do agree!!
I just posted today an allegorical story about youth groups that I wrote a few years ago. It is here: http://homeschoolblogger.com/Jul/
Blessings to all the Spunkeroos!
posted by Anonymous on Jul. 20, 2005 at 8:55 AM
Great post! I totally agree with you. We've got to think differently...biblically about everything we do. We'll not do youth group with our second batch of children. We learned a lot of lessons with our first batch (now grown) that have formed our decisions.
posted by CoffeeAndAMuffin on Jul. 20, 2005 at 8:56 AM
Sorry, that last post was mine. I thought I was logged in. ;)
posted by Anonymous on Feb. 7, 2006 at 1:21 PM
I am a Youth Group leader in my church. And I think since there are kids that need it and parents that need it too, that it is a valuable ministry. I believe they learn more by being around other things, ideas and people and then discussing them with their parents, thus introducing teachable moments. I have one in the youth group too, yet I still maintain a close and very personal relationship with her. In this way she has the opportunity to experience life the way she will once she leaves our home and face the challenges to her faith and beliefs while she still has the guidance of her parents to fall back on. I think both my daughter and the group would lose something without her participation, just like both our family and our church would if we did not attend there.
posted by on Sep. 12, 2006 at 5:26 PM
I've GOT to tell you.
Changing from our large church of 12 years, to a small church that had no Youth Group or Sunday School was the most fruitful child training experience we have known.
Our children lost so many character weaknesses that had begun to burden them when they joined up to Sunday School and Youth Group. Immediately we saw a difference.
We have a "boot camp versus battlefield" theory about what we observed in them.
Or we could say that the atmosphere was not acceptable for seedlings.
Ironically, visiting the local Beachy Amish Sunday School and Youth Group has always been a blessing. (No, we aren't Amish, just have farming friends who are.) Maybe it's less about age-integration and more about the particular youth group/sunday school involved??
Edited by donnab on Sep. 12, 2006 at 2:27 PM