Husbands, wives, and working together
Jul. 7, 2005 at 6:43 AM
Homeschooling
I received a call the other night from a good friend. She wanted to know what I would do? Here's the situation:
The mom had just given birth to the second child 6 months ago. Their other child is 6 years old. After the birth, of the first child the mom returned to work part time in the late evening. She worked until the birth of the second child. Now that the baby is 6 months old, the husband would like her to go back to work The wife is not as convinced that this is the best idea. The hours are late in the evening and she would arrive home in the middle of the night. She is also homeschooling the older child with Abeka Curriculum. She understands the commitment to homeschool and the time it takes to run a household. The husband thinks that because she was able to manage it all the first time around things will go okay. She already feels more drained with two children and worries that the burden of working will make their family life more difficult. Sleep will be the first area to suffer and then with a lack of sleep we all know how stressful even the simplest tasks can become.
Here's what I told her.
Pray and seek God for guidance and wisdom. Both for her attitude and about how to approach her husband about the situation. Opening her heart to do what is pleasing to the Lord.
I would affirm my husband as much as possible. Letting him know that I want to do what is best for the family and follow his leading in all areas.
When the time seemed appropriate, I would ask her husband to sit down and work out a schedule. On the schedule I would have the day all parceled out into hour increments. Together, I would ask him to help her make it work. Make a list of all the things that need to be done during the week and any specific things that need to be done on a given day. After the list is made, I would begin to write in the logicial times to do these activities. As they work through the priorities, write down the the activities in the boxes on the schedule.
This accomplishes a few things,
- It shows a willingness on the wife to make things work.
- It allows both the husband and wife to work together to make it work.
- It allows the husband and wife to understand the demands on each other during the day and hopefully the best way to accomplish them.
- If the husband decides based on the schedule that working is not possible it will be his decision.
- It will allow the husband to take responsiblity for the direction of the family.
The outcome of this schedule may be difficult for the wife to accept. The husband may see that the wife does have too many responsibilities and therefore returning to work would be deterimental. Or he may decide that it could she should go back to work. In either case, the wife should accept the decision. This is the difficult part for most of us. But the marriage is the priority.
Kim asked, what if the husband won't meet to make the schedule. I would still approach things the same way. But when he decides not to meet you are left to make it work on your own. I would make up the schedule on my own putting work in there since that is what he directed. And begin to follow the schedule as best as possible.
Does anyone have anymore helpful advice for this mom?
Also, tonight is chat night. My husband and I will be around to talk about Faith, Family, and Finances. Hope you can join us.
7 Comments and Trackbacks
posted by 3FoldChord on Jul. 7, 2005 at 7:22 AM
sounds like good advice, but your advice is making the assumption the husband will sit down and work it out and make a schedule with the wife and stick to it. If her husband is willing to do that, it'd be great. My friend has a husband that tells her to work and he doesn't sit and talk to her about a schedule and the situaion is very hard on her and her kids.
I didn't read all of your last paragraph though, I forgot when I openedup the comment box I couldn't see your post and I forgot to open in a second window, so you may have addressed this in your last paragraph.
Hey- are you and your hubby still on for tonight's chat?
posted by 3FoldChord on Jul. 7, 2005 at 7:24 AM
see, what'd I tell you... I totally missed your comment in red!
reminder to self... read WHOLE entry OR open comment box in 2nd window::::
posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jul. 7, 2005 at 7:26 AM
I'll add that in Kim.
posted by PatriciaWHunter on Jul. 7, 2005 at 10:15 AM
This situation reminds me of how blessed I am that my husband wants me to stay home....and always has....even when I didn't want to myself!
I think you gave this woman excellent advice. I pray that her husband will change his mind, but if he doesn't, that he will work with her in the ways you have suggested.
Blessings,
Patricia
posted by parkwaymom on Jul. 7, 2005 at 2:29 PM
What is the link to hear the chat?
posted by KarenW on Jul. 7, 2005 at 3:40 PM
My heart would be torn in two if my husband asked me to go to work. Thankfully he never has, even at times when we thought we wouldn't make it financially. The advice I would give this woman would be to spend A LOT of time on her knees. She may not be able to change her husband's mind but God can change his heart.
posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jul. 7, 2005 at 6:48 PM
Here is the link for the live chat tonight
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/chat/index.php
or you can go to the portal page a click on live chat at the top. You must be registered to get in.
Spunky