College Bound
Jan. 16, 2006 at 9:18 AM
family
So, what are your thoughts? I don't want to send my daughter to college because that is the default and I don't know what else to do. This is the reason I went to college and that was a less than ideal reasoning.... " - A homeschooling momFrom the book: 1 Timothy 5:14 "I will therefore that the yonger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give no occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. "
Notice that instead of instructing younger women to find a specialized training or learn a trade, he encourages them to marry, bear children and guide the house. .....So if singleness is not the Scriptural norm, and marriage and being a keeper at home is, doesn't it seem logical that marriage and homemaking should be our focus of training? If we want to train to do something well, we train for what we expect we will actually be doing. If a Christian man wants to be an engineer, we don't see him running off to auto-mechanic school just in case he is ever laid off. He trains diligently for the desired result and trusts that God will equip him for any emergencies that might arise. Women who train to be breadwinners can expect to be very good breadwinners, but not necessarily very good breadmakers...or homemakers.
This is a question that keeps popping up every once in a while in discussions around our home and with our friends. To me there is no "right" answer. To say that scripturally an adult woman should stay home and marry would mean that all those who don't are in disobedience to the word of God. I'm not ready to say. However, I do feel that as a culture we are too quick to assume that once you graduate from high school that college must be the next step for either a man or a woman simply because they turn 18. I believe there is more to it than just the passing of years that should decide whether a young adult goes on to college.
When my oldest daughter was younger I used to say, "We'll let the Lord decide when we get to that point." As that time grew closer it hit me. What if the Lord brought someone into her life at 16 like he did for my mother and she was married at 19. Would I be willing to accept that as the Lord's will? Because of my strong academic background it was easy to accept that college could be the Lord's will. But marriage at 19 being God's will? Could I accept that as God's divine plan for my daughter?
I don't have an easy answer. I know many will say that they just can't sit home and wait for Mr. Right to come knocking at the door. What are they going to do in the meantime? We are content to let our daughter stay here as long as she feels that is what the Lord desires and not any longer than that. She can hear from the Lord very well. Does college mean that we are not preparing her for family life. Not necessarily. With the proper guidance before college and a steady walk with the Lord, college can be an asset to her and her family. I don't think this is an either or propostion.
So I guess in answer to this mom's question I would say that the scripture is clear that younger women ought to marry. At what age that happens exactly and what she does in the meantime depends on her and her obedience to God's direction in her life. Going to college does not necessarily contradict this scripture. Nor does it mean she is being trained to become the "breadwinner." So, if college fits then great she'll go with our blessing. But if not then we are open to the best that God has planned for her.
For all our children, we don't have the idea that they MUST go to college right from high school. They MAY go. But I would be just as happy if they took a missions trip for a time or did something else. There are many options available to our young adults. I'm not limiting God with just what our culture says is the norm.
There are other considerations if college is chosen. I hope to get into that at some point as well. But I'm going to have to leave it here for now.
5 Comments and Trackbacks
posted by SusannahCox on Jan. 16, 2006 at 10:55 AM
There is something to be said for continuing to learn for the sake of simply widening one's horizons. Learning for its own sake is thoroughly worthwhile. Not that that *has* to happen in an institution of higher learning, but much of what I learned in college and graduate school cemented my worldview and thoroughly convinced me of the rationality of my faith in Christ (i.e., out of all worldviews Christianity makes the most sense of the world).
It's also hard to replace the mentor/tutor dynamic between professor-student (at least in smaller institutions) with online courses, etc., although it can be done that way if you get a good professor. I gained a great deal from personal correction of my work and interaction with my professors. Especially in Christian institutions, professors consider themselves guides for students. I know that is true of my husband (or was, when he was employed as a professor).
Personally, I am very grateful that my parents helped me through higher education. I would not be who I am today (which includes wife to my DH, whom I met in graduate school, and homeschooling SAHM to soon-to-be-six children) if it weren't for the education they so graciously helped me achieve. It was in the library of the graduate school I attended that I first came across a book about homemaking, by a pastor's wife. I tell you, that lit a fire in me! Ironic, no?
I would never stand in the way of one of my children if he or she wanted to continue studies on a college or graduate level. By that age--you are right--they should be able to hear from the Lord for themselves. I would do everything in my power to help them carry out the vision God placed in them, sons and daughters both. Children need articulate, well-educated, dedicated mothers as badly as they need theologically solid, faithful, committed fathers. I feel my education has only enhanced my efforts at motherhood and homeschooling.
posted by Pattycake on Jan. 16, 2006 at 12:57 PM
I have two daughters. One is 29, married 9 years now, and has 3 children. She did not go to college. We talked about it, she had nothing she really wanted to go for. My husband isn't into shelling out lots of dollars for nothing in particular, and higher learning can certainly continue without the institution. All she really wanted to do was be a wife and mother. And she is an incredible wife and mother. She also keeps a great budget, and is a very good writer. I've had many compliments on her writing, from family members who might receive a letter from her now and then. "Wow, you did a great job teacher her." Huh? Nope. We were inconsisitant with school. We were unintentional "unschoolers." She married at 20 years of age, the best Christian man I could have imagined. What a couple they are. They are doing great!
The other is 17, will be 18 this summer. She graduates high school (homeschool) in the spring. Here we go again -- all she really wants to do is get married! No prospects that I'm aware of. She doesn't date, never had a boyfriend. As she gets older, I am betting that the opportunities (boys who are actually of marrying age - her friends right now really aren't) will be there, and we will be praying (as we are now) for the right one. HOWEVER, she also wants to go to college this fall, and we will look into it. Probably some basic classes, and fitting photography in. I can picture her doing photography on the side, even going into homes and getting pics. of peoples children, etc. Her photography is so, so good.
We are open to whatever the Lord has, but I do believe that as our children are close to the Lord, He puts the desire on their heart concerning their futures. Imagine that ... He put the desire on my girls' hearts to be homemakers.
posted by Melkhi on Jan. 16, 2006 at 2:07 PM
I completely agree with Susannah's comments above...
Thanks for stopping by my blog and for your comments on my cello teacher decision!
posted by KarenW on Jan. 16, 2006 at 11:02 PM
I don't think there is one final answer for everyone. If that verse is used and "the younger women marry", what age are we talking about? College graduates are in their early 20's. Is that the definition of "young women"? Or are we going to go with the age of "young women" in the Bible? Wasn't Mary a young TEEN? I believe God's plan is different for each person. College may be right for some and wrong for others.
posted by spunkyhomeschool on Jan. 17, 2006 at 8:22 AM
thanks for your thoughts everyone. These aren't easy questions to answer. The idea of what is young is cuirous. Our society has shifted on that as well. We used to allow girls to marry a lot younger in earlier days. I'm personally glad we don't have that as a norm anymore. I agree with Susannah that education is never wasted. I'm glad for my college training. Even though I will never "use it" in the career sense. It has been very helpful throughout my life.