Parenting Is Fun!!!
Jun. 16, 2006 at 8:47 AM
Parenting
In our society parents do a wonderful job of portraying the difficulties of having children: the financial burdens, the time drain, the guilt, the exhaustion. But we do a lousy job of getting across something else about parenthood: It's fun! When you are experiencing parenthood from the inside, there is an overwhelming pleasure in the funny, fascinating things your children do. When my daughter was 2, she put her arms around me as I was kissing her goodnight and said to me, "Mommy, you're a wonderful husband." That was better than any of the movies I hadn't been to since she was born.A great read and an excellent reminder.
Related Tags: parenting, mothering, homeschooling, home life, motherhood
Lord, Please Meet Me In the Laundry Room
Jun. 5, 2006 at 5:13 AM
Parenting
Much has been written in a variety of media about feminism and the "Mommy Wars." A new book Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room by Barbara Curtis shares her personal struggle from radical feminism to a humble mother of 12 children.
The book doesn't preach against the evils of feminism. Nor is it a self help book about how to be a better mother. Dear Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room is a personal narrative meant to guide the reader into looking at life from a different perspective; God's perspective. It's about finding the joy of motherhood amidst the chaos of raising a family. Barbara candidly shares her own struggles striving to be a perfect mother baking the perfect cake for the school contest; to the realization that God doesn't demand perfection but simply joyful obedience - even if your cake doesn't come in first place.
Barbara's book is easy to read and hard to put down. She'll make you laugh as you relate to the "genetic trait" of boys leaving rolled up socks around the house, or arriving for a Les Miserable on the wrong day. And you'll shed a few tears as she shares the delight in her young Down Syndrome son, who believes mommy can order snow off the internet!
Barbara and I grew up in very different worlds. I was not abused or abandoned as a child. I did not dabble in new age philosophy or have a child out of wedlock. She has a dozen children, I have half that many. She has used public, private, and homeschooling to educate her children. Yet, I found myself shaking my head in understanding many times as I related to her story.
Barbara's book is one I can confidently give to new moms, seasoned veterans, moms of one, and moms of many. All will come away inspired by the truths she shares, and humbled by our calling as mothers. I think this quote from Barbara said it best,
Sometimes in the daily grind, I lose sight of the fact that motherhood is not omething God has burdened me with but something He has blessed me with.I'm thankful for mothers like Barbara who gently remind me to look for God's blessings everywhere, even in the laundry room.
Barbara Curtis also has a blog, Mommy Life. She encourages and challenges women daily to become the women God intended us to be.
This book was provided free for my review by Active Christian Media (formerly Mind & Media). Would you like to become a reviewer and "blog for books"? Click here to find out how.
Related Tags: Mommy Wars, mothers, parenting, motherhood, feminism, culture, homeschooling
Fathers
Feb. 13, 2006 at 8:29 AM
Parenting
Over the years, I have seen this changing for the better. The last few conventions I attended were much better attended by fathers and they had special workshops encouraging them. A fun title at one convention was "Help! My wife wants to homeschool now what am I supposed to do?"
Truly, fathers are an indispensable part of homeschooling. Let's face it we wouldn't even have the children to homeschool without them!
Fathers differ in so many ways. Some are very "hands on" and involved others are more reserved and offer guidance only when asked. The problem is, many times mothers think the fathers should be something different than what they are. The wife with an involved husband wishes he were less so. The father who is more reserved frustrates the woman who desires her husband to "just take the lead" for a change.The challenge for most of us is to honor the man we married not the one we wished we married. (He doesn't exist anyway!)
So begin the week with a bang. Give your children a lesson they'll never forget and you'll never regret....a mommy who truly honors their daddy.
Related Tags: parenting, marriage, biblical parenting, homeschooling, home school, education
Keeping Our Child's Heart
Jan. 3, 2006 at 8:14 AM
Parenting
Not too long ago I read your entry called, "Don't Bend the Wire" on your blog. For some reason, it really made an impression on me. Why do you think you have your son's heart, as he said in that entry? How does that happen? What does that entail?When I was a teenager, my mom did not have my heart - I was as rebellious as they come and I just didn't care what my mom said.
This is such a difficult question. One I am hesitant to answer because it involves so many different aspects. This is a situation that can happen to any child despite how they were educated. I don't have all the answers and if others would like to offer their thoughts, please do. Here are some of the things that I think are worth considering as we raise our children.
Is your relationship with God growing?A dynamic and life giving relationship with the Lord is necessary to be a parent. We often rely too heavily on the words that come from others without first going to the Lord. As we rely on our heavenly Father, we find the strength and encouragement to face the daunting challenges of parenting in the culture we have today. When you encounter a challenging situation, the Word of God should be the primary source for wisdom and instruction.
How is your relationship to your own parents?
Children are very observant. If they see that you treat your own parents with indifference or resentment they will learn to do so as well. The commandment to "Honor your father and mother." was given to the adults. If your relationship with your parents is not good then take steps to make it better. Let them know that they are important in your life. It doesn't have to mean that you agree with them or them with you. But don't let the disagreements become more important than the relationship itself. Seek their counsel and advice. As an adult you may not always follow it but the honor and respect you demonstrate to your parents will be the best teacher to your children.
Humility
Admitting we are wrong is not an easy task. But it is probably the most necessary in developing a right relationship first with the Lord and then with others. When we come to Christ it is with the knowledge that we have sinned and fallen short of God's glory. Our humble repentance restores the relationship. The same is true in our relationship to our parents and with our children. When we have made a mistake we must be willing to own up to it and acknowledge our error. Our children want to know that we need a Savior as much as they do.
Enjoy your children
Let your children know that you enjoy their company and that you want them around. Children naturally want to be with their parents. But a child that is consistently told to go away will eventually do just that. Slowly, they will find other companions and other ways to spend their time - without you. Make sure they know that they are always welcome in "your world". Whether that be taking them to the grocery store or visiting with a neighbor. Make your world their world. The more comfortable they feel around you the less likely they are to wander off and create a separate life.
Friendships
Develop family friendships. Get to know the parents of the children and gather together as families. Especially when our children were little we avoided most situations where only one of our children went off to play at another. That's not to say that it didn't happen. But in general we looked for opportunities to meet as families.
Know who the real enemy is.
Let your children know from an early age that there is an enemy who is seeking to destroy the family. This enemy is vigilant and will stop at nothing to break apart a home. Let them know that they are on your side of this battle. If our children perceive us as the enemy then we are on track to losing their heart and possibly their soul.
A choice.
Ultimately, gaining our children's heart is a choice they must make. We can take all the right actions but in the end the scripture allows our children the choice in who to serve. They must know that they are to give their heart to the Lord. We can encourage as best we can but in the end it comes down to who they want to serve -themselves or God.
I have other thoughts on this but I would love to hear the thoughts of others on this most important aspect of parenting.
Extreme Parenting
Dec. 1, 2005 at 10:29 AM
Parenting
_________________________________________________________
Everyone who heard about the double murder of Kara Borden's parents by David Ludwig was saddened and shaken. Parents asked themselves, "If it happened to their children, could it happen to mine?"
In the wake of this tragedy, the Kansas City Star examined what is going on with the youth today. They place some of the blame on the electronic media available.
Many teens do seem to be in their own universe. Living in a home with parents they do not know. Between school and their electronic links there seems to be little desire for family connections. As the Bordens illustrate, this is true even in Christian homeschool families. Amish children are taught to shun modern conveniences and technology. But the room's contents suggest those who gather here have interests and hobbies not unlike teenagers from the "English" world. A line of tattered garage-sale couches face a big screen TV that's attached to a VCR and DVD player. A row of ratty recliners and other mismatched chairs sit on a riser constructed behind the couches. Video tapes and DVDs sit in messy piles around the room, and hundreds of cases line shelves built into one wall. Many of the titles would be at home in a college dorm: "Animal House," "American Pie," "Baywatch," "Wayne's World." The image of a scantily clad model smiles on a giant cardboard beer ad for Old Milwaukee hangs on one wall. Cigarette butts litter the chilly concrete floor. So what's a parent to do? Some just throw up their hands and say, "Well teens just need to go through this." They seem to be giving a "right to rebellion" with a hope that they will come out okay on the other side. While the children dabble in one extreme, parents seem to gravitate to the opposite extreme. Fearing if they hold too tightly to a standard they will lose their child. But what is often missed is the heart of their children may already be lost. Teens have one tactic that they use most often. The rules of the house. They will select one or two and decide that these are just not for them. In Kara's case it was a boy and a curfew. In another family it can be music or the computer. But the child draws a line and says, "This far and no farther will I bend." The parent responds with, "Well in my house we...." It seems that the more they argue the more the defenses go up and the relationship breaks down. They fear giving in to the demand but they fear losing the child just as much. The disagreement becomes parent against child. This is never a good strategy for either one. There is one solution. The Bible and the Joy of Discovery. So many times as a mother I have developed ideas that I have found were not necessarily rooted in the truth of scripture. Often these ideas were developed as a reaction to a particular situation or adopted because of a convincing presentation at a conference. Studying an issue again has given me an opportunity to learn, futher strengthening my convictions and walk with the Lord. Related posts by Spunky - Outsourcing Parenthood, and Don't Bend the Wire. Spunky Jr. says After I wrote this, I went over and read what Spunky Jr. had written today. Here's the last line of her post, Other Excellent Posts on Parenting - Deputy Head Mistress of The Common Room and Sparrow's Parenting by the Book
Some wonder whether the Internet and cell phones give children more places to hide. A family acquaintance said the Bordens took away Kara Beth's Internet service when they discovered her relationship with Ludwig months ago. Apparently it had been restored. Friends of Borden's and Ludwig's said the couple stayed in touch via cell phone text messages and computer instant messages, both difficult to monitor.
Some suggest moving off to a remote area. Away from "the influences". That can help in an outward way. In the same way moving a plate of cookies from my two year old keeps her from wanting one. But that "tactic" is only a temporary fix. Even the remote Amish community of Otterville, Iowa is having its struggles. Parents are battling a culture tempting their youth in their neighbor's barn.
"My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways." Proverbs 23:26
When a few local incidents happened in our area, I had a conversation with my own 15 year old son. He is not perfect by any means. But he doesn't keep me up at night worried about what he is doing or who he is with. I asked him why, even though we have our struggles, we don't see any major rebellion in him. He replied, "Mom, those parents don't have the hearts of their boys." It is so simple and yet the most difficult of choices a child will ever make. The choice to willfully honor their parents and the Lord.
A two year old can be made to obey. A fifteen year old needs to want to obey. That's the difference. The choice is theirs to make. We can't choose for them nor can we make them choose correctly. But we can make sure they know exactly what the choices are.
You hand a child the Bible and say, here is God's Word. Let's figure out what God's word says about this. Give them the liberty to study the scripture and learn truth for themselves. We need to give them the joy of discovering that God's Word does speak to us. That's the way I became convinced of truth. I remember the light bulb going off so many times as I read a passage of scripture and how it applied to my life today. Don't deny your children the same pleasure by "giving them what the Bible says." We must let God speak to our children. Our children want to make us the quarrel. They think they can battle, wear us down, and win. God's Word is able to take down the strongholds and defenses that the child and the word is tempted to build. Let them wrestle with God about this issue. The parent becomes a faciliatator in their search for understanding and truth rather than the enemy. I have found that it is a lot more pleasant walking with my children in truth than constantly pushing them in truth.
The Dating Dilemma
A friend was telling me about a man that her Christian daughter was dating. They were concerned and uncertain about what to do and asked what I would do. I asked her what her daughter's convictions were. She told me a little about what they had taught her. But in the end they were the mother's convictions and not the daughter's. All is not lost though. This is what I told her might be helpful.
Go out to dinner. Tell her that you both are going to separately look at the scripture and study what God's plan for marriage, how a man should treat a woman, and what a woman does to prepare herself for marriage. Then you give her a time frame and let her go study. You do the same. Come back together after a few weeks and discuss what you both learned. Each being willing to listen and learn from what the other has discovered.
The mother protested, "But she won't study God's word. And she isn't about to listen to my interpretation either."
I told her she had a bigger dilemma on her hand. She had a professing Christian that refuses to submit to the authority of God's Word. Dating this young man was a symptom of that problem but not the root. She had not given her heart to seeking out what God desires. At this point you must acknowledge where she actually is. Not where you want to BELIEVE that she is at. The mother paused.
We want to believe and pretend certain things about how life is. Her daughter went to church and provided enough cover to make them believe she was living a life for Christ. But when it came to denying herself and her desires for the Lord, the light of truth shined brightly. Her daughter wanted to be a Christian without surrendering her desire for the world.
Redefining the Extreme
True Christianity doesn't define the extreme by how close to the line we can get while still being a Christian. The extreme is how far from the line we can run and how close we can get to our Savior.
This is going to require extreme parenting. A parent who is willing to deny their pleasures in life for a greater pleasure to come. A parent who is willing to refuse a job or a promotion because of the time away from the family. A parent who is willing to sit next to a child on the computer and work together rather then let them build a virtual family. A parent who is willing to talk with a child and not just at them. A parent who is willing to walk daily with their child and guide them to HIS truth. A parent who is willing to tell their child daily what the real choice is but give them the liberty to make their choice. These and many more require an extreme commitment. A parent willing to die to themselves so that their children will walk with the God.
"God demonstrates his own love for us in this that while we were yet sinners HE died for us." Romans 5:8
I want to become an extreme parent....it really boils down to what we value and are we open to input from God. If so, we should listen to His leading and not our own.
Child Wars
Nov. 14, 2005 at 8:29 AM
Parenting
We've all seen it happen and maybe even experienced it with our own children. An unruly toddler in a restuarant and the irritated stares of patrons nearby. What to do? Do you leave? Do you stay and try to keep them quiet? Do you get mad at the other patrons for their lack of compassion?
Well, Dan McCauley the owner of A Taste of Heaven in Chicago is fighting back the unruly behavior with his own rules of etiquette for children. . Quoting from an article in the New York Times, has posted a sign saying that
"children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven."He chose to post the sign because parents have been unable to control their children and he desires a pleasant calm atmosphere in his cafe. According to the article here's what Mr. McCauley has to deal with
Children were climbing the cafe's poles. A couple were blithely reading the newspaper while their daughter lay on the floor blocking the line for coffee. When the family whose children were running across the room to throw themselves against the display cases left after his admonishment, Mr. McCauley recalled, the restaurant erupted in applause.Unfortunately, some of their regular patrons are not too happy with the "keep our kids quiet or out policy." Here's what one mom had to say,
"I love people who don't have children who tell you how to parent," said Alison Miller, 35, a psychologist, corporate coach and mother of two. "I'd love for him to be responsible for three children for the next year and see if he can control the volume of their voices every minute of the day."While we have worked hard to teach and train our children to keep quiet in restaurants it does happen. They act loud or inappropriate. But when it does I am not put off by those who get annoyed with my child. It just tells me I have more work to do. I politely apologize for my child and if necessary leave. Other mothers don't seem to see it the same way. Here's what mother of two, Laurie Brauer said,
"I think that the mothers who allow their kids to run around and scream, that's wrong, but kids scream and there is nothing you can do about it. What are we supposed to do, not enjoy ourselves at a cafe?"So a parent with a loud toddler are allowed to enjoy themselves but the rest of the cafe has to suffer? I remember when I was a waitress years ago. I attempted to seat a family with their young son. Every table we tried was somehow unacceptable to the the little dictator. Eventually, the child declared, "I don't want any to eat here. I want to eat over there." He pointed to the a restaurant across the street. Obediently, the parents left the restaurant and went across the street! The whole restaurant breathed a sigh of relief.
With a little work you and your children can enjoy themselves.
While I agree that parents can't control the volume every minute of every day, they can teach them to use the proper voice in the proper place. And understand that when their child acts inappropriately they need to do something. We work with our children at home before we take them out. I learned this from my own parents. They would drill us before we even left the house about what they expected. Often my mom would have a menu and practice ordering so we were ready when the waitress came to our table. We've done similar things with our children. Then when we do take they out, they have already learned and developed the restraint necessary to control themselves. If they haven't we wouldn't go to a place where we would be a distraction. It's not that hard really but it does take time. And once they have learned how to sit quietly it is a joy to take them just about anywhere.
I remember one time when I just had my five children. The oldest was about 11. We attended a benefit violin concert. When we arrived the only seats left were right in the first row. I could see the looks of disapproval on the faces around me as we made our way to our seats. Quietly, we sat as the people behind me murmurred loud enough to let me know I had just wrecked their evening. However, at the intermission one elderly lady walk up to me. "Isn't that impressive!" she exclaimed.
I nodded in agreement, "Yes, the violinist sure are talented."
"No! Not my son. Your children!"
I was thankful and relieved that we had done the hard work at home. I don't share this story to boast. Not at all. I am thankful to God that I had parents who were willing to take the time to work with me. They were not the perfect parents and neither am I. But when parents take the time to work with their children, the children rise to the challenge. And in the end we all have a much more pleasant experience.
One of those days.....
Oct. 13, 2005 at 7:40 AM
Parenting
I have one son who at times seems to be a lightning rod for controversy. He has a very black and white approach to life. (I think that might be genetic!) This often creates a super charged atmosphere. He's grown into his temperment over the years. And while we still have conflicts he's now nearly 15 and by God's grace we have overcome alot. But I'll never forget the the day many years back....
It was a long day with 5 small children in the house. The temperature outside was near zero with a wind chill to match, going outside was not possible. I tried to keep them busy and active but my son just kept pushing the limits of his energy and my patience. Some days were pure survival. And this was one of them. Even the "fun" things didn't seem to go well. Conlict and chaos seemed to rule the day. And my son was the king of the chaos. I found myself getting more and more frustrated and probably raising my voice a few too many times. To be honest I just wanted it all to end. Anxiously, I kept my eye on the clock.
Finally, they were all in bed. I was exhausted. I made the rounds to each bed. Prayed and gave each a kiss and hug. And shut the door on this "eventful "day. Hoping that tomorrow would be better.
"Mommy!" called my son.
"Go to bed." I shouted back.
"Mommy! I need to tell you something." He persisted.
"It will have to wait until tomorrow." I said determined not to give in.
"It can't, I have to tell you NOOOOWWWW!"
(An inner war began inside of me. Don't give it he'll manipulate you for life. Go ahead, one time won't matter. I stood there arguing with myself. My mother heart eventually won.)
Opening his door, I said, "Okay, what is so important that you have to tell me tonight?"
He smiled undeterred by my harhshness, "Do you know what I do every night after you give me a kiss and leave the room?" (My mind could think of a few things but I didn't want to give him any ideas.)
"I take your kiss and rub it into my heart for safe keeping. That's where I store all your kisses." (As he rubbed his hand on his mouth and then over his chest.)
My heart melted and I gave my son a few more kisses to store in his collection. Thankful that my mother's heart won this argument and so did my son.
