• Nov. 19, 2008
5 Ways to Get Your Boss Fired
5 Ways to Get Your Boss Fired
written by Leila and Andre Hahgoo, modified by the rest of the cousins
Co-worker #1 (Alan): Andre
Co-worker #2 (Rick): Eric
The boss, Kristina: Cassie
The more important boss, Amanda: Emily
Pizza Girl: Jill
Janitor: Leila
Security Guard: Leila
Background girl #1: Jill
Background girl #2: Leila
Scene 1
Kristina runs in franticly
Kristina- Aaaah! The boss is coming! PRETEND TO WORK!!!
Everybody gasps and tries to tidy up, but Amanda enters wearing an Afro and 80’s looking clothes.
Amanda- You were talking about me?
She strikes a pose
Co-worker #1- Who dressed you?
Co-worker #2- Your mom in the 70’s? Gosh!
Amanda looks around strictly. Everybody points at Kristina.
Amanda- I’m giving you five chances to impress me…
Kristina- Yes ma’am!
Amanda- I wasn’t finished yet! You already have 4 left.
Scene 2
Amanda starts to inspect the office. Some workers are whispering to each other deliberately close to Amanda.
Background Girl #1- Do you know what Kristina said? She called the boss a witch!
#2- She said that!?
#1- Yeah, and she also said that no man would ever want her because she’s also a huge cat lady!
#2- No way!
Amanda- (under her breath) Oh really? (yells) KRISTINA!
Kristina- (hesitantly) Yes?
Amanda- You think I’m a witch that no man would ever want and also that I’m a CAT LADY!?
Kristina- What? But I…
Amanda- Babababa! Don’t speak! And FYI that is strike two. Three more and you’re outta here!
Scene 3
Janitor comes in slowly sweeping. He sees Amanda, raises his eyebrows and whistles.
Janitor- Hey toots.
Amanda- Excuse me?
Janitor- I said, hey toots. Wanna go out sometime?
Amanda- Ooah! Who let this old, un-hip, un-groovy, 1940’s man in my presence!?
Silence was all through the building except for the flush of a toilet. Alan comes out of the men’s room waving his hand in front of his nose.
Alan- That smell could kill an army!
Amanda- (rolling her eyes at Alan) Well, can anybody tell me who let him in?
Alan- Oh, I know who he is! He’s Kristina’s friend’s cousin’s half-brother’s dad’s sister’s son’s janitor from school!
Amanda- (looking fiercely towards Kristina) Now you only have two chances.
Scene 4
Amanda goes back to dancing and inspecting.
Co-worker #1- (in an undertone) Hey Rick, today’s opposite day.
Co-worker #2- HOLY GUACAMOLE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP AND A SIDE OF MEATBALLS!!!
Alan- Yum.
Rick- (now whispering) I thought it was tomorrow?
Alan- Bro, you haven’t changed your calendar since 1982.
Rick- Oh yeah.
After a whispered conference, Rick excuses himself and leaves for the men’s room. He comes running out and collapses on the floor. All eyes are on him. Alan revives him.
Alan- Come on! Remember our plan?
Rick- Right.
Scene 5
Alan and Rick walk over to Kristina.
Rick- Hey, boss, do you think we could set booby traps?
Kristina- Uh, no.
Alan and Rick- Sweet hillbillies!
They high five. Background slapstick music starts playing and they set out a trap with a whipping cream pie.
Kristina- Who knows what those two nitwits are up to now. SECURITY!
The security guard comes in slowly and leisurely
Security Guard- (with a German accent) Vhat lofely veather ve are hafing today. I hope it stays like this for a vhile. Now let’s open the vindow and and have a look at the beautiful sunshine.
The security guard doe some judo moves to open the window.
Security Guard- Whoa, ya, ya, ya, ya. The place is now secure. You rang?
Kristina- Watch those two boys, will you?
Security Guard- I’m on it, ma’am.
Scene 6
Amanda- I’m hungry! Somebody order me a groovy XL anchovy pizza! For me! Now!
Kristina- Yes, yes, I’ll do it right now ma’am.
She dials the phone.
Amanda- Oh, and don’t get olives, I’m allergic.
Kristina rolls her eyes.
Pizza Girl- (on other line) Hi! This is Booger Pizza. How may we pick yours?
Kristina- Yes, can I get the anchovy pizza?
Pizza Girl- Can I recommend the special?
Kristina- Yeah sure, whatever.
Pizza Girl- Thank you. That will be 15.95. See you in a few minutes!
Scene 7
Alan and Rick are dancing and breaking down dance moves when the doorbell rings.
Amanda- I’ll get it!
Amanda stares in horror at the special…which contains olives! Alan and Rick trip and fall, pushing Amanda’s face into the pizza!
Amanda- AAAAGH! OLIVES! I’M GETTING BUMPS! THAT IS IT; STRIKE FOUR. ONE MORE AND YOU’RE OUT OF HERE!
Amanda slams the door in the pizza girl’s face and starts to yell at Kristina. Kristina protests, and soon Amanda is back to dancing.
Pizza Girl- Um, I need that 15.95 still. Hello?
The pizza girl pounds on the door and the security guard (who has been standing beside the door) answers it.
Security Guard- Vhat do you vant?
Jill- I still haven’t been paid, and my boss isn’t going to be very happy.
Security Guard- That is your problem. Good-bye.
The pizza girl is determined and forces her way inside. The security guard starts to chase her. Meanwhile, Amanda discovers the booby-trap that the co-workers have created.
Amanda- Like I’m going to fall for that one!
But it’s too late when the pizza girl and the security guard come careening down the hall, pushing Amanda into the trap! The co-workers jump out and spray her with silly string. Amanda now has whipped cream all over her face!
Amanda- (splutters) That is it! You are fired, Kristina!
THE END
September 2006
