Well, this morning we sent the girls to their new foster home. It was very sad and way harder than I had expected! I was teary eyed and made the girl at the day care cry too! It was hard taking them to the day care instead of to the people's house, but that is just the way it worked out. It's very bittersweet. I know that this was more than what I could do for a long period of time and I was totally overwhelmed, but at the same time, very sad that I am not superwoman and able to take this on forever. It is also hard knowing that even if they do go home, their life will still be chaotic and they will still live a sad life of poverty. I hope that they will look back and remember how life was here and want to change their's when they are adults. I hope they saw how a man and woman who are in love treat each other-with respect. I'll never forget the day Abby looked at me in bewilderment and said "you mean you and Eric are already married?" That was a foreign concept to her! We had another conversation a few days ago about me having the boys after I was married and that I had Nicky when I was 30 years old-she was amazed! I guess she didn't realize that not all people had 3 kids before the age of 20 and that they get married first! Hopefully, that will stick with her, and somdeday she will remember and have hope to rise above her early years and make something of herself!
Last night Madi sat in the bath tub and sobbed! Oh it was just so heart wrenching! Nick came down and told us that she was in the tub and crying. I figured she needed a good cry, but Nick was bothered so Eric went up to see what was going on. There he stood with his ear to the door with the saddest look on his face. The big lug is such a softy inside!! As I stood there listening, crying and hoping that we were doing the right thing, I was miserable! I finally knocked on the door to see if she was okay, and she said her blister hurt! Poor babe-at 7 she has already learned to mask what she is feeling since she was left for so long alone to take care of herself. Even when she was hurting, no one stopped to care or hold her.
As I drove away from the day care this morning it was so confusing. I was feeling relived to have my life back, and so sad for these precious little girls. I don't know why God put them in our life, or us in their's, or why He didn't make me superwoman to take care of them-but I know I am walking away a changed person! I have much more compassion for those stuck in poverty, and have re-evaluated my own life and I know some areas I really need to change! If anything, I appreciate what God has blessed me with way more than I ever have, and on my hardest day-it's nothing like what many endure everyday.
We are on our way out the door for a 5 day vacation to my parents house! We are celebrating the 4th of July in my old home town! It should be fun-the boys love the demolition derby and now after watching Ax Men-will have a new appreciation for the logging show!
Take Care!
natalie and co. |
