Apr. 27, 2009 - Follow the Leader
Lately, I've received a few emails from different women...some that I know personally, and some that are only E-Friends.....asking for my perspective on a situation in their lives. In at least 3 of these situations, the person was facing a difficult decision or situation, but in every instance, the husband felt direction for how to approach the situation or decision....not strongly, but they felt led a certain way.
My advice to all the women was to follow their husband's lead in that particular area. Our husbands are the leaders of the family. They are ultimately responsible to God for the family and decisions made therein. If they ask our opinion or input, by all means share. If they know how you feel, but still feel led to proceed in a certain direction against what you feel, then may I encourage you to pray for your husband to have wisdom and trust their judgment. That doesn't mean they won't make mistakes, but our job is to be their helpmeets...to stand behind them. Be thankful that we don't have their jobs!
If your husband feels like your family should _______, and it doesnt' go against Scripture, then be his biggest fan!!!! Ask God to change your heart to also embrace that decision. Our children are watching our responses to these situations. They are learning how to be godly wives and husbands from how we function in our marriages. Not only that but our husbands thrive on knowing that we honor their decisions and respect the authority that God has given to them.
We have enought decisions to worry about in a day:
What to cook for breakfast.....lunch....dinner.......how to train the children while dad is gone....what curriculum will work best....how to organize the pantry, how often sheets get washed.....the list goes on and on. Let your man be the man...stand behind him and teach his children to respect and honor him too!
Comments
Aug. 22, 2009 - your post
Posted by Anonymous
I so love your dedication to your family and husband. I wondering if you might know of source for me to help me with my situation. I have married women of 19 years. I have been a Christain all my life. There was a period in time when I gave up on God. It was about that time that I met my husband. Then about two years into the marriage I came back. I missed my relationship with God and being a member of a church. My husband on the other hand was not even baptized and was not raised with a church or religion. He told me he was baptized, but we found out from his mother 4 years ago that he was never baptized.
Here is where I am at. I find it so hard to follow my husband's lead becuase he never prays. he does not thank God, he does not serve God, I go to church he will not, I volunteer with my church he will not and thinks it is stupid to do this and not get paid. He has even tried to prevent me from going to church at times.
I find it hard to follow his decisions because I don't think he is being guided by the hold spirit or is doing it for the best interest of our family (we have 3 boys 15, 13, and 9). I pray daily for his conversion, but I am said that I can not experince the closeness to God through my marriage way I dreamed of when I was young. He does not respect me as a person or as a wife. He seems to put himself first. I know this is wrong. I put God first and I think sometimes this makes him mad.
I just wandered to your website be cause of the The Terrestria Chronicles you posted. I was looking for something to do special for my 13 old son.
Somedays it is prayer and prayer alone that gets me through my days. But somedays I feel as though I can remain married to someone that refues or does not act as though he no desire to be or act like a child of God.
God Bless you
Aug. 22, 2009 - Reply to Anonymous
Posted by SweetSavages
I really feel your pain in your comment. I also know that your situation is incredibly common amongst churched women.
You asked if I might know a source to help with your situation. I do!! Every answer to what you are wondering is in the Word of God.
Here is what the Bible says about your situation...
1 Corinthians 7:
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Peter 3:
1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
May I encourage you to discreetly memorize those verses in 1 Peter 3. You have a job to do to obey Scripture and that tells you how to win your husband to Christ.
I don't know you, but from the comment that you posted, I am going to make some observations.
You are not submitted to your husband. The Bible doesn't say to submit if they are godly and strong spiritual leaders, the Bible says to submit to your husband. That is your #1 job as a Christian. You were created to be your husbands help meet, the Bible says. Submitting to him is not only in actions but in attitude as well. God will only be honored in this situation when you learn to die to your self, submit to your husband, and I might add that you can submit to him as to the Lord. If you have a hard time honoring and submitting to him, then realize that you are doing it to the Lord not to your husband...that might make it easier.
Your husband will likely never come to the Lord with a wife who is fighting against him, acting overly righteous or not teaching his sons to love and respect him. If your husband asks you not to go to church, then I believe that the Lord would have you stay home that day. You can get your spiritual nourishment other ways...but you will never win your husband by going to church against his will, tithing against his will. I think God would be more honored by you staying home and showing him how much you love him...with a joyful attitude. Smile at him...serve him....love him....pray for him....honor him.....make him feel like you think he's the most amazing guy. If you are truly a Chrisian and desire to please God then you MUST act like God says a wife must act.
I have a book that will transform your marriage and I'm willing to send it to you if you can email me your address. It is called "Created to be his HElpmeet" and it addresses the issues you wrote about.
Feel free to email me privately at:
uarelovedbygod@yahoo.com
Your marriage can be all that you want it to be, but you need to repent of your attitude and lovingly serve your husband as if you were serving the Lord.
God will bless you for your servant heart.
Aug. 24, 2009 - Your post and scripture reference
Posted by kvcookfl
So blessed I am that I have someone willing to share the importance of scripture in our lives. In my previous post I shared with you about my life and my life with my husband and how detached he is from God and the Bible. I understand the submissive of the wife and that husband should not divorce his wife. But I don't think he gets it. And I didn't want to post it on the internet, but my husband has hit me, pushed me shoved me and called me all kinds of nasty names. He has even but a club on the steering wheel so that I could not get to church. I guess that is why I still go to church, becuase it is healing for me. Almost everyday I live in fear. I never know what he might break or destroy in our home. It is because of his violent behavior that I find it hard to totally submit. I feel as though since I have been married I have been submissive to his angry hands so much so that I have no idea what a tender loving relationship is. I should say with a human. Because I know God loves me and church and prayer are how I remind myself that I am loved and that the Lord's love is tender and merciful. I don't believe in divorce. But I am starting to believe that my life with this husband is scary and untrusting. Not the way it should be or I want it to be. I have forgiven him for all he has done to me. But sometimes I just want to be happy and unafraid and feel the love of someone who is gentile and kind all the time and less angry and violent. I don't think our husbands should control us with fear and I think that is what mine is doing.
Aug. 24, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by SweetSavages
Well, I have 2 thoughts...if you feel like you are in physical danger, or your sons, then you need to separate from him and possibly even get the legal system involved. If you don't feel that you are in physical danger, then I will stand by my first recommendation to continue to love him, submit to him and pray for him as the verses say. If he is just a really nasty, difficult, angry man, I believe that the Bible would have you to follow the advice of Peter.
If he is physically abusive though, I do feel you need to remove yourself and get the authorities involved.
Leaving though because you "want to feel gentle and loved by someone else" is not Biblical grounds to leave. I don't blame you, all women would desire that. I'm so sorry that you have to live in this situation. (((((HUGS))))))) You need to know that your heavenly Father deeply loves you. He is with you all those hard moments when you long to be loved and respected and aren't. He also loves your husband too, and desires to see him repent and know what it is to feel and exhibit the love of God.
I will keep you in prayer!!
What kind of a church do you go to?
Do your children feel safe? Are they?
Have you been abused recently, or only in the past?
Even though I don't know you, I feel your pain and will cry out to God with you on your behalf for God to work a miracle in your family.
Aug. 27, 2009 - A Deep Sigh
Posted by Anonymous
yes, most times I do feel as though I am in danger. July 4th was most recent and last physical altercation. It seems as though my whole married life I have had to live in fear. He use to just break objects. Movies, seat covers, fax machines, stuff like that. Anyway, I always use to wonder if he would ever turn on me. There have been times when he trhreatend or raised his hand as if he was going to. Then a couple of years ago he started to throw things at me. Suitcase, peanut cans. He has spit at me. Awful stuff. I responded my working harding. Do all the housework, homeschool the kids, work outside the home to help with bills, mowing the lawn. Everything! I though if this might help him out if he was stressed and he wouldn't have to worry about this stuff. Then as time went by I knew he didn't love me. He didn't love me the way I should be loved or the way the bible says. We are to put our spouse 1st, but he seem to put himself first. He doesn't beleive I have needs or he ignores me or he is mean to me. That is why I feel such congnitive dissonance. I beleive the bibles way, but I am convinced that my husband is sick and needs help. I have asked him to go for counseling both togeterh or by himself. He wouldn't. He doesn't trust people and he does not want to spend the money. Sometimes he goes way for the weekend, but I don't know where. I don't ask becuase I am afraid of his response. I really pray hard that he will get help or turn to God. But in the meantime I am approaching 50 and I worry about the role model he is for our three sons. I am afraid to go to the authories becuase, again, I am afraid of him. I feel safer just working hard and taking care of everything and the kids. He keeps all of his money so I only I have my income to live on, which is not much because I work part-time. I know and beleive the Lord will see me through this period. I shouldn't be afraid, because I know God is there for me, but somedays it just can't get up the courage to do anything. I pray that he will change. God bless you so very much. I love the sriptures you post. They give me so much joy and hope.
Sep. 28, 2009 - Dear Anonymous,
Posted by SweetSavages
I have read and re-read your note. I talked to a good friend of mine who runs a shelter for abused women as well. If you truly feel you are in physical danger, I would encourage you to seek help from the authorities and/or go to a shelter for battered women. I don't believe God would have you stay in a situation where your life is in danger. Separation for a time might help things a lot. You do have 3 sons to consider. They are watching, and may feel afraid as well. Feel free to email me privately....uarelovedbygod@yahoo.com
--Misti
