I figured I would change the name of my blog since I wasn't really talking much about homeschooling and doing more of thinking on paper. Seems more appropriate.
The picture seems to be like my life right now: still in the water but have taken a beating. 2008 has been a rough year so far, and it's already almost halfway over!
I'm ready for Psalm 23's still waters. I'm ready for some refreshing. I'm ready for some peace. I think to sit by a lake with nothing to do would be wonderful - and a book would make it perfect! |
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Apr. 1, 2008 Just Wondering
For a couple of years now, I've been thinking a lot more about how we raise our kids - even Christian parents who mean well. The particular thought I'm thinking about is all the activities we put our kids into. Everyone is rushing from here to there, from sports to art to music... Is this the right thing to do?
On the one hand, I want my kids to experience a variety of different things in life. But on the other hand, I wonder if we haven't become a child-centered society (at least in this respect). Should we spend all our time divided rushing from one activity to another? What happened to family? What happened to supporting the husband in his endeavors and GOD-called ministry?
With Eddie being out of work for a year and being pregnant before and in the midst of that, I've had a lot of time to think about it. We pulled them out of all their activities (ones we paid for - which really was only activity) since I had a hard time walking and then he lost his job. Before that, the dance class all 3 attended stopped having classes, and I found no other studio that taught the way she did, so I gave up that option. We took art for a year, and previously before that, they had tried piano. Add to the mix that everyone wants you to commit to their program and keep it up, and the slots fill quickly. I endured quite a negative reaction when I pulled them out of one activity after a year. Wow! I wasn't expecting that. I have always felt that we should experiment around until they found something they really loved and had talent at. I didn't realize I was "committing them for life"!
Anyway, the time has come to reenter that world of activities. I don't want to overbook, but I would like for them to try something out. Something that would prepare them for use in GOD's Kingdom. I've been thinking of theater. However, now, they each want to do separate activities; we've always done them all in one activity before. One wants to do gymnastics, but the seriousness and competition required in that at their age makes me hesitant. One wants to do piano again. Does the other want to do dance??? I've lost my mind! 
LORD, show me what to do! YOU know, too , how fast things fill up!
What's your opinion about this?? I'd love to hear it. |
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Mar. 24, 2008 Warning Lights
"Fear is the emotional pain in the soul of unbelief. When we feel fearful, it is God's warning light to us that we need to respond with faith; fear and faith cannot exist in the same spot simultaneously."
-Dennis & Barbara Rainey
These past few months have been difficult ones. It has been the scariest time in my Christian life. I hope that I am over it, but we'll see. My husband was laid off in February of 2007 with no notice. He received an offer in late February 2008. During this whole time of unemployment, except for the first few days, I was okay with it. I wasn't fearful except for tiny bits here and there. I can actually say it was probably the best year we've had. With some minor adjustments to having him home (and in the way as the computer goes for their computer lessons), it was nice having him home. He was busy all the time, so it was not like he was just sitting there twiddling his thumbs.
My experience with fear began in maybe November. I began having a great amount of fatigue - some physical but a lot mental. I could see myself losing ground, falling farther and farther behind in lessons, in housework, in "administrative" work. I just didn't have the gumption to tackle the day. I went to the doctor; she tried several different things, one of which made things worse; one which helped for a while and then fazed out.
I hit bottom the day he got a job. I was numb at first, but then it was like a dam burst. Now I know I've left a lot of details out (like the fact that we had a baby in March of 2007 and that I have wanted to move back home for several years now), but it honestly felt like the LORD took a knife and wounded me HIMSELF. I truly thought that HE wanted us to move back closer to home. I wanted to be there for my grandparents as they are aging. Seeing my other grandmother die slowly from afar was very difficult and I regret not being there for her. Now knowing I will have to do the same thing with my last remaining grandparents is very painful. I don't understand why we couldn't move back home.
It would have also been nice to have more help. There's only so much you can ask friends, but you can be more spontaneous with family. We really need to have some time to ourselves right now with where we stand, but babysitters cost a fortune and finding another couple who want to commit to regular date nights is difficult.
It has made me wonder if I know the LORD's voice. That fear makes me question everything I think. It makes me hesitant to act. Since I truly thought I knew what the LORD wanted, and I obviously didn't, what do I do now?
I've also been having these really difficult days. Some days I'm fine (today I've felt the best I have in a long time); other days I'm in "the pit". And I mean deep down in the pit, scraping the bottom low. I've actually considered giving up on homeschooling, though I don't know what I'd do with them.
I am guessing it's either spiritual or hormonal or both. Has anybody ever felt like this?
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Mar. 23, 2008 Time is Short
"It is easy to die for Christ. It is hard to live for HIM. Dying takes only an hour or two, but to live for CHRIST means to die daily. Only during the few years of this life are we given the privelege of serving each other and Christ...We shall have Heaven forever, but only a short time for service here, and, therefore, we must not waste the opportunity."
- Sadhu Sundar Singh
"All of us should live life so as to be able to face eternity at any time."
-Heinrich Arnold |
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Mar. 18, 2008 Photoshow of Isaac's 1st Year
Here's a few quotes about prayers that stood out to me:
"GOD's acceptance is not made hurriedly. HE does not bestow HIS gifts on the casual or hasty comer and goer. To be much alone with GOD is the secret of knowing HIM and of influence with HIM."
-E. M. Bounds
"Some people's prayers need to be cut short at both ends and set on fire in the middle."
-anonymous :o)
"Prayer does not fit us for the greater works; prayer is the greater work."
-Oswald Chambers
"How do you pray a prayer so filled with faith that it can move a mountain? By shifting the focus from the size of the mountain to the sufficiency of the Mountain-mover."
-Bill Hybels
This last one sums up best what a friend taught me a few years back on prayer. Prayer is not about me coming to GOD to focus on a list of wants or problems. It is me coming to GOD to see HIM in the middle of these problems. Each problem will allow me to see GOD in a new way that I haven't understood before or haven't learned yet. My focus is to be on GOD not the problem. That's where HIS peace comes from - keeping HIM as the focus. Easy to say, but hard to remember to do! But it's worth it. I can tell a difference when I remember to do it versus when I don't! |
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I read this quote this morning from Amy Carmichael while I was typing up some copywork for Elisha. It's a tough one.
"If interruptions annoy me, and private cares make me impatient; if I shadow the souls about me because I myself am shadowed, then I know nothing of Calvary's love."
Even when we read the Bible and see people coming up to JESUS as HE is on HIS way somewhere in particular, we think HE is being interrupted. I don't think HE thought about it that way. I can tell the difference when I get up and plan my day and when I get up and let the LORD lead me in the day. My mind gets in a groove and it's hard to get out of it.
Anybody else feel that way? Any introverted people out there that crave HOURS of time alone? That is my struggle right now. On the days I'm volleying back and forth between Isaac and the girls and get no time alone to think for a few minutes, I feel like a nutcase by the end of the day. I'm trying to both get up early and stay up late. The late night hours are great as they are so quiet, but I know I will pay for it if I don't get some sleep. The morning hours aren't as "safe" as anyone can get up at any time :o). It's like my brain can relax after having a few hours to get something done uninterrupted and to even do something I want to do versus need to do. Ahh.
But this is where I'm tempted to view things as interruptions. Am I casting bad moods on my family because I am in a bad mood? Likely so. I'm getting a bit better, but it seems like it's millimeter by millimeter. |
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"The approach of death should quicken us to improve all our opportunities of doing and getting good. What good we have an opportunity to do, we should do quickly." Matthew Henry
Why is it that we live life as if we have so many days left? We don't know - we just don't know. What if today is our last day? When we see the LORD, will our time have been spent in vain? If it was not done in love, it will not last. If it was done out of selfishness, it will not last. When GOD replays our life for all to see, will we be encouraged or embarrassed?
"Let me not imagine that my love for YOU is very great if I am unwilling to do for a human being something very small." Elisabeth Elliot
This makes me think of all the little things I ask my kids to do, but how many little things am I willing to do for them? |
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Jan. 12, 2008 Itty Bitty Erynn Growing Up
I remember when Erynn was so little, so petite that her pants would always be falling off of her. Well, she's still on the trim side, but she sure is getting taller and her hair getting longer! She is 7 now, losing all her teeth, and reading up a storm. She is also quite creative in both her art and her play. Here she is:
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Dec. 12, 2007 An Extra Thought
I was reading John Eldredge's December letter and some of the things he said really stood out to me. Here they are:
"Love is the greatest need of any human soul. Which is hey our deepest wounds have t do with love in one form or another. And when a person knows, really knows they are loved, they interpret life so completely differently from the person who doesn't know they are loved. And it is the love of GOD, above every other joy, that heals our hearts and sets us free. To love. Which is the purpose of our existence."
"So let me simply say this - Christmas is an annual reminder of the expansive depth and generosity of GOD's love for you. For you."
"Life seems to rail against this truth (that GOD loves us, explanation mine). We are, all of us, hit with a thousand reasons to doubt GOD's heart toward us. I'm speaking of the pain and disappointment of any life. And on top of all that, there is the enemy, who loves to twist the knife of our heartaches, all the while whispering, You cannot trust GOD's heart. You are forgotten. Forsaken. You are not loved. But no. NO! The Father sent Jesus. That can never be undone. It proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are loved. More than you yet know."
"So, let this be your unceasing prayer this Christmas. Just hold onto this one thought, whenever and wherever you go this month: I am loved. When you see a Christmas tree, think to yourself, I am loved. That's what this is all about. When you hear a Christmas song (how can you avoid them?), when you buy a present for someone, and when you receive a gift of any kind from someone else, when you see a wreath or a poinsettia or a manger scene, say to yourself, I am loved. That's what this is all about."
Have a lovely Christmas! |
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Dec. 10, 2007 A Different Perspective on Christmas
When we think of Christmas, we usually think about wondrous beauty, warm and inviting smells and lots of friendly faces (as long as you're not shopping!). We think about beautiful trees, twinkling lights, roaring fires, hot cocoa... But have you ever stopped to think about what the first Christmas was like?
Though it's debatable as to the time of year HE was actually born, it does say in Luke 2 that the angel came to the shepherds at night, and I would assume that the only time the inns would be full would be at night. So if JESUS was born at night, it would at least have been on the cooler side. So there goes that toasty fire...
JESUS was born in a stable, a place where animals were kept. Let's just say they weren't smelling hot chocolate or gingerbread. She had no Jenny Lind crib for him with cozy cotton sheets. HE, the King of the World, was laid in a dirty feeding trough for HIS first nap.
Think about Mary as well. Not only did she have to accept facing ridicule and being an outcast (and could have been stoned as well) in order to obey GOD, she had to travel (whether by donkey or on foot) while she was nearing her due date. I don't know which would be worse, riding the donkey or footing it. Joseph was also tested right off. Was he going to believe that his "wife" was pregnant yet still a virgin? How many men do you think could accept that one?  I can only imagine what the parents had to say... In order to accept GOD's will for their life, they had to be willing to endure much hardship, ridicule, ostracism. GOD didn't offer them a comfy life complete with benefits. Hmmm. Don't forget, they had to leave the country (!) for a couple of years after HE was born in order to protect this ONE who completely turned their world upside down. And Mary and Joseph didn't have family nearby to tell them how to raise a child, especially the SON OF GOD. Not even seasoned friends to call with their questions...
Back to the stable though. After they had spent all day traveling out in the elements and then knocking on doors in search of a spot to rest, it's time. Now in those days, men were not present during births. Well, I don't think Joseph had much choice. I can't picture him leaving her by herself. I also can't picture him being a great doula either. No pain meds, maybe not even clean water or clean cloths to use. Where are all the comforts we look forward to at Christmastime? They weren't at this one!
To top it all off, who does the angel tell of this great and absolutely wonderful miracle that has just occurred? The angel tells some shepherds, the lowest of lows in those days. Let's just say that shepherds were not highly thought of in those days. Their word would not even hold up in court. No great flashing lights, no instant messaging for all the world to read, no picture on a Christmas card, no holiday special to watch. GOD announces the birth of a perfect, sinless baby who would become the Savior of the world to a measly bunch of shepherds. Hmm...
Now I'm not knocking all the traditions we have today. I just know that I have felt the pull to get back to simplicity for this holiday. I want to remember the extraordinary ordinariness of this event. Don't miss, too, how GOD was breaking social norms even from the beginning. HE didn't do things the way people expected HIM to do it. HE chose people who were nobody special in the world's eyes to take part in this great, once in a lifetime event. Young Mary, quiet Joseph, lowly shepherds, a stable full of animals... We can experience the grandness of Christmas today because of HIS great mercy and grace which places us as royalty in HIS kingdom. We don't deserve it. We can't earn it.
So this Christmas, take a moment to remember the first Christmas. Remember the simplicity of it. Remember the ordinariness of it. Remember the sacrifices made for it to happen. Remember the choices that Mary and Joseph had to make. Remember how differently GOD does things than how we think HE should.
May you have a truly "Mary" Christmas. |
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Christmas is coming, and where am I? I'm out in left field somewhere! This has been the first Christmas season I can honestly say I'm distracted by other things. There is so much else going on that I have to make myself stop and think about the holidays.
I'm hoping this Christmas is a good memorable one for the girls. We have decided not to do presents this year in order to step back and look at the real meaning of Christmas. It all started when my mom suggested not doing presents on her side of the family since we all don't really need anything. Then I got to thinking, that would be good to do with us as a family as well. None of us need anything, it would make the season a lot less stressful and I thought less busy , and hopefully it would reign in some of this materialism that has been seeping into our girls' hearts. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I did have to buy all those presents! I've still got to remember to get Eddie's parents something!
I've vacillated back and forth as to when to stop lessons (Sonlight), but as of today, I think we'll stop. I may give them a bit of math to do to keep their memory fresh and a bit of computer work to keep them going, but I think I'll lay aside lessons and turn my brain to Christmas and doing stuff with them about that.
Is anybody else out there as fuzzy-brained as I am? |
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Nov. 5, 2007 A Wow Moment!
Have you ever read something and had one of those "Wow!" moments? I just did. I hope I do my crediting sources well because there is no way I could write this on my own.
I was just reading Michael and Debi Pearl's new edition of "No Greater Joy" magazine (Nov-Dec 2007) where Michael has written an article on blame. I will quote a few of the things that stuck out to me:
"If repentance is a mark of the Spirit's work in a person's life, blame is a mark of Satan's work." (pg. 6) I had never really thought of it that way - the opposite of repentance being blame. Of course it makes sense to me that satan would be behind this - he's been doing that since the beginning. I can see this is true as I witness a couple having marital difficulties. It is so true. You are in one boat or the other.
"It is easier to accuse another than to take responsibility." (pg. 6) In our made-to-order society, we surely want things our way. We expect it; we demand it. It's our right! Or is it???
We are so busy with all the things we think are so important, but yet, we don't want to take the time to work out what's most important - our relationships with each other. "Blame takes less effort than a creative solution. Blame conceals personal guilt, inferiority, stupidity and carelessness." (pg. 6) Why is it that we will expend all this energy on finding creative ways of getting more work done faster or better or on advertising, etc., but we don't want to use our brainpower to heal a broken relationship? Why are we so afraid to admit we're wrong? Everyone knows we are all fallible, all messed up, all inferior, so why not come out and say it? Why is it so hard for me to admit I am wrong to my children? my husband? They know I have shortcomings and faults galore. I know I have them, so why pretend as if I don't?
What if we blame our children for something and then find it was us at fault? Why are we easier on ourselves than we would have been on them? (pg. 7) I really have no answer for this one other than to say I see enough of my own faults and shortcomings that I don't want to add another one!
One of the big questions Michael Pearl said was, "What in the world the purpose of blaming them? To punish? To make the person ashamed? To let them know how unhappy we are with them? Do we think it is proper corrective rebuke? Does the person being blamed feel motivated to function more responsibly? How does blaming them make them feel?" (pg. 7) We are so quick to blame, but why? Are we so interested in relieving ourselves of any pent-up pressure or conviction that we are willing to blow off steam on another without taking into consideration how our words might affect them? I doubt my blaming has any positive effect. I'm guessing the reason I'm so quick to blame is that I don't like to see all my faults all the time, so why not focus on somebody else's for a change? Sometimes it is a control issue. I want them to do it my way because I have taken the time to think it through and it's got to be the best way (so I think). Who are they to create more chaos in my life?! And so the story goes...
He asks the question, "Is blame always wrong?" (pg. 8) He answers that by catching us in the act of trying to justify ourselves (pg. 8). Yes, "we are blameworthy. But, the big question is, who is worthy to blame us?" (pg. 8) The issue isn't whether we should ever be blamed or apply blame to someone, but who do we think we are in the process? It's one thing to correct someone in love and firmness for a wrong done; it's quite another to lash out in a "spirit of blame" (pg. 8). Are we doing this for their good or are they just our dumping ground?
Wow. |
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This morning I am sitting here contemplating why I am doing what I am doing. Why am I homeschooling? Is it making the right difference in my kids? Am I wasting my time? All these thoughts were brought on by a build-up of frustration with how my kids act and treat each other. It seems as though I am not doing things right. So after my little sermon, I came in here to read my Bible.
I decided to read 1 Corinthians. In chapter one, verses 27-31, it says, "But GOD chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; GOD chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. HE chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before HIM. It is because of HIM that you are in CHRIST JESUS, who has become for us wisdom from GOD - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the LORD.'"
GOD's ways are definitely not our ways. Our society looks to the "professional" for answers. You must be certified or licensed or have this degree or that to accomplish whatever. But in GOD's economy, it doesn't work this way. HE wants the foolish, the lowly, the incompetent to "work" for HIM. That way we can't say it is in our own power that we accomplished something.
I can tell you for sure that I have no competence to be teaching my own children. I have no great talent, no great organizational skill, no great book learning to qualify me for the job. But here I sit with this task before me. It has been by the grace of GOD that I have come this far in our journey, and it will be by the grace of GOD that we finish it. It will be by the grace of GOD that my children learn the skills they need to know to accomplish the things that GOD has for them to do and be.
Are these frustrations a part of HIS plan of fleshing it out? I don't know that yet. Am I trying to do things in my own strength? Are they veering off the course HE has for them? Am I missing something? And the big question, "How do I fix it?!" I'm guessing the answer will be nail by nail, piece by piece. There is no great fix that automatically rids children of their propensity to fight and squabble and think only of themselves. I do pray that GOD will give us the opportunity to see beyond our four walls to see a hurting world out there, to see people who have it "worse off" than we do. I want my children to see that the important things in life are people, not the latest toy or fashion piece. When they speak of these things, it makes me cringe and feel like I have failed. I fear they will love the world more than their LORD. But I must trust that HE will accomplish HIS will in their lives - that HIS purposes will prevail.
I can take confidence in this Scripture. I have nothing to boast about, so any success there is will be of HIM! Be my wisdom, JESUS! Be my righteousness, my holiness and redemption! Have YOUR way in our home. Take us where YOU want us to be. Change and mold and shape our hearts the way YOU would have them to be. Thank YOU for choosing me to accomplish something that only YOU can do. I don't deserve it. May I not take the wheel into my own hands, but may I remain malleable in YOURS. |
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Oct. 21, 2007 Pray for Ethan
Here's a little boy that my family has been praying for since April. He was diagnosed with leukemia at 2 months of age and given a 15% chance of survival. He's now 10 months old. They have found leukemia again in his spine and bone marrow. Go to www.ethanpowell.com for updates, pictures, video and join us in the chat room. We pray nightly from 8:00-8:30 ET. Come witness a miracle in the making!
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Oct. 12, 2007 The Boogie Man
As I was coming home tonight from the store, I was listening to the radio. On this particular station, they have people come on and say little blurbs about their life. Tonight a lady came on sharing a bit of wisdom her mother had given her as she grew up. Her mother had told her to always remember that you are making your children's memories. If we were to remember that every day, what would we do differently?
I'm sorry to say that I would change a lot of things in my life. Yes, I have given my kids the freedom that homeschooling allows, but what else have I given them? I'm a very task driven person, an introvert, and a "responsible" person. I am driven to do what it right no matter what anyone may feel. I like to be by myself at regular intervals. I like to get things done and done well at that. So what does that look like to my kids? I am afraid that I appear as a slave driver. My frustration shows up quickly as they assume their childish positions.
So what would I change? What memories would I like them to remember? I would like them to remember that learning was fun/interesting even if it wasn't easy. I want them to remember being together, going on trips, learning new things at new places. I want them to remember not being afraid to try new things, not being afraid to fail. I want them to remember a pleasant atmosphere at home - that it was nice to be at home, that home was a place to be loved. I want them to remember nights of sitting out under the stars, sitting by the fire, reading good books together. I want them to remember having fun. I want them to remember serving others together, sacrificing for the sake of others, loving others even when it hurts.
So many of these things are difficult for me. I'm not a fun loving person. I'm the one in the family to get things done while they go do fun things. Part of me is encouraged by what this woman said tonight, part of me is discouraged. How will I ever become that person? It will be but by the grace of GOD.
LORD, change me and change me quickly for the sake of my children's memories. If YOU can move mountains, YOU can move me! |
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Oct. 9, 2007 What Really Matters
I don't know why the LORD has chosen this year to be such a year of great growth for me, but I am so glad HE has. Sure, we have had some trials in our life this year, but most of my growth has actually come from vicariously going through life altering experiences of others. I have become active in following many caringbridge sites, several in particular. Going through the highs and lows with them has been an opportunity for me to really think about what I believe and how strongly do I believe it.
Not only has it challenged the strengths of my beliefs, it has really affected the way I view my family. Now I have a long way to go, and I'm sure my family wants me to hurry and get there, but I am making progress finally! I don't get frustrated as quickly. I have been able to let some things go that I used to want to hold so tightly. I have relaxed my expectations ; this has been the hardest for me!
I think the LORD has finally been able to get me going on the path of prayer that HE has been wanting me on for years and I have resisted. Now I must learn to balance the weight of intercessory prayer with daily life. The burdens can be heavy at times, but it's worth it to me to see GOD move in someone's life.
I have also come to the place where I appreciate my husband more like I should. Now I have my days, and I constantly need to remind myself to check my responses, but I am finally free of the weight of the old way of thinking that he's here to serve me - as long as I choose to go about it the way the LORD wants me to! There is a freedom and a happiness in dying to yourself for another's sake. And why would I not want to die to self and serve the one person who has been there with me through all my ups and downs, who has stuck by my side no matter what? Ahh, what a slow learner am I... |
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Welcome to our new blog! I'm totally new at this, so feel free to give me suggestions on how to set this up better! I'm having trouble with the pictures being too big...
We are a family of 7: Eddie, Julie, Emily Anna (11), Elisha (9), Micah Rhys (^^), Erynn (6 1/2) & Isaac (6 months). We have always taught our kids at home. We have tried all different ways and curricula (everything from making my own to piecing it together to KONOS), but this year we are doing Sonlight 3&4. We really like it a lot. The girls are actually retaining the material, and I'm finally learning my history  .
We live in Raleigh, NC right now but one day hope to live in the country. Eddie wants his log cabin; I want my farm house. So maybe we'll get a log farm house  . The girls want horses. The dogs (Frodo & Sam) want peace and quiet - not much chance of that around here. We also have 2 hamsters (Epi & Melinda) and a fire-bellied toad (Sprinkles). We mustn't forget Reepicheep, Oreo, Kenny Mac & Otis T (hamsters & rats).
That's us in a nutshell. Pull up a chair; we'll pour you a glass of good ol' sweet tea! |
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