Nov. 3, 2009 - I Keep Forgetting
As I was reading David Wilkerson's devotion for today, I was reminded yet again of how forgetful I am. I had just been complaining to the LORD about why doesn't HE deliver some folks out of their trials like HE does others (specifically the apostle Paul in this case), when I read the devotion. I keep forgetting the purpose is not deliverance but GOD's glory. How can we use EVERY circumstance to bring GOD glory. Much to the contrariness of my tendency-toward-pessimistic mind, we CAN bring GOD glory in even the most negative circumstances.
LORD, help me remember the truths YOU give me. May they stick in this old, gray matter in between my ears. May they also seep down into my heart that tends to want to harden. Remind me when attitudes start flying today. Remind me when the fatigue hits. Remind me when conflict arises, when things don't go the way I think they should be going. Keep me in right perspective, LORD.
Aug. 28, 2009 - Thoughts For Today
Why did JESUS choose to show HIMSELF first to the women? The old-feminist side of me says, "Hurrah! Women are better than men." But why? Is it because HE knew they would believe? Was it to make a statement about the value of women? Was it to give the male disciples (the eleven) an opportunity to take HIM at HIS word? Was it simply because they got there first?
I don't think it was the latter since HE next showed HIMSELF to the two on the way to Emmaus. Why them? Did JESUS have some special relationship with them? I thought it humorous that they urged JESUS to stay with them as it was getting to be nightfall (and thus a dangerous time to be out and about), and then they themselves run back once they realize it's JESUS. But such was the joy at the revelation they received.
Why were the disciples still doubtful? They had heard JESUS proclaim it many times to them, they heard the women's story, they heard the two's account. Why in the world would they think HE was a ghost? But such is the state of all mankind's heart. How many times has HE told me something, I have heard it from others, and, yet, I still do not want to believe? How many times has HE told me to do something in this way, but I still seek out other ways to try? LORD, that my heart and mind would be receptive to YOUR ways. May I not doubt or question the ways YOU have chosen to reveal it.
LORD GOD, what am I to do with the thoughts YOU have stirred in me as I read Wurmbrand's book? What is the strength of my belief? How quickly would I cave in those horrible circumstances? Worse yet, would I betray YOU? What is the strength of my faith? Or, how weak is my faith? Do I have what it takes to withstand the fire? What am I to do to help those being persecuted? I can't do nothing. Show me, JESUS.
Jul. 31, 2009 - Prayer For Repentance
LORD, how many times do I say I'm sorry but show no cleansing of the heart and mind? How many times do I confess something I've done wrong, but have no actions to show my renewal of heart? LORD, have I ever truly repented of anything? LORD, especially bring me to that place in my parenting and in my being a wife. I don't want to keep getting on the hamster wheel I keep getting on every day. Renew my heart and mind. Give me a new one - one fresh from YOU.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkJul. 30, 2009 - Whoa!
Usually after reading the Bible, I come away with ONE thought to chew on. Today I have TWO. Two things I have not considered before in light of the passage I read, Luke 2. This passage is common, yes. It is about JESUS' birth. But the thoughts I have to chew on are pretty worthwhile to me!
Thought number one:
Josepha and Mary are going down to Bethlehem to be counted for the census. She is ready to give birth anytime now. For whatever reason, I have always glossed over this next part. Joseph and Mary were ENGAGED. From the little I know of Biblical history, I know this stood as a legal marriage in their eyes, but they did NOT live together at this time. This was Joseph's time to be building the home for her. So, if they were traveling but not at a stage in their relationship where they were living together, what must people have thought about them going on the road together??? The trip certainly took more than one day; where did they sleep at night? Ooohhh, I can picture the gossip flying now.
Thought number two:
As Mary gives birth to JESUS, she is on the road. Did she pack JESUS any clothes? Did she even have clothes for HIM? I don't know what typical baby attire was then, but did she even have it? I'm assuming so, since it says she wrapped him in swaddling clothes. I have never thought about her thinking ahead as she's getting ready to leave, packing him a little "outfit".
However, that is not the thought that struck me so much. The thought that hit me was from Matthew Henry's commentary:
"The fulness of time was now come, when God would send forth his Son, made of a woman, and made under the law. The circumstances of his birth were very mean. Christ was born at an inn; he came into the world to sojourn here for awhile, as at an inn, and to teach us to do likewise. We are become by sin like an outcast infant, helpless and forlorn; and such a one was Christ. He well knew how unwilling we are to be meanly lodged, clothed, or fed; how we desire to have our children decorated and indulged; how apt the poor are to envy the rich, and how prone the rich to disdain the poor. But when we by faith view the Son of God being made man and lying in a manger, our vanity, ambition, and envy are checked. We cannot, with this object rightly before us, seek great things for ourselves or our children. (Luke 2:8-20)"
How guilty are we of indulging our children? That sounds so foreign to us here in America, I believe. Our goal is to give them the best, to sacrifice for them to make their lives easier. But how much of a disservice are we doing them by doing that? Perhaps that is an unrecognized sin? If we can provide them with food and shelter, should we not be content? Are we not feeding their inheritently sinful, gluttonous natures? Are we not feeding the lie that they are the "center of the universe"?
I need to think on this one, LORD. Open my eyes to see where I am doing them a disservice, where I am feeding their sinful natures. Show me how to teach them contentedness with the bare essentials. I know I am guilty myself of wanting more. Don't let this one pass me by, LORD. Break the grasp that materialism has on my children.
And, LORD, when did Joseph and Mary actually get married??? Hmmm....
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkJul. 18, 2009 - How Do I Give?
As I read Mk 12:44 today, I was struck by the verse in such a different way than I have before. The little lady gave of all she had, she gave of what she NEEDED. The others gave of their excess. Now, I don't usually have a problem with giving money to others except for going outside of the bargain for my own family, but what struck me was this. Do I give of my time out of my excess (what's that?) or do I give of what I NEED? Am I willing to give up my time that I want for myself, for my things to do, for the sake of others? I'm afraid the honest answer is no. I feel so desperate most of the time for some quiet, for some time to accomplish the things I want to get done, for what I think needs to get done. I believe this will be a slow and painful death.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkJul. 4, 2009 - What If Things Had Been Different?
Mark 6:17-18Herod had earlier married Herodias, the wife of his brother Philip. But John had told him, "It isn't right for you to take your brother's wife!" So, in order to please Herodias, Herod arrested John and put him in prison.
19Herodias had a grudge against John and wanted to kill him. But she could not do it 20because Herod was afraid of John and protected him. He knew that John was a good and holy man. Even though Herod was confused by what John said, he was glad to listen to him. And he often did.
What if things had been different? What if Herod had not married Herodias? What if Herod had not set his sights on pleasing Herodias over doing what was right? What if Herodias was desirous to please her husband instead of looking for him to please her?
If we were living back then, would we have looked at the situation and said that Herodias was a feminist? Was Herod passive when it came to his marriage? Did she "wear the pants in the family"? Was she a Jezebel? Did she regret her choice to have John beheaded? I kinda doubt it. Maybe she was relieved except for that nagging little doubt hidden way back in the recesses of her mind? How was her marriage after the fact? Was Herod mad at her? Would he have eventually become a Christian? How did this affect the daughter?
Are we hurting others to justify our desires/decisions? Are we so self-indulged that we think nothing of involving others in our sinfulness to justify our actions? Are we willing to risk it all? Are we out for ourselves or our husband's good? Is he a pawn in our hand? Do we use our daughters to get what we want? Are we willing to risk another's life to free us from condemnation? Do we even regret any of these things? What if things had been different?
Jul. 1, 2009 - The Battle Is Real
Reading in Mark 4 or 5 this morning, I reread about the man who was demon possessed by a legion of evil spirits. Matthew Henry's commentary said a legion is 6,000. To think of 6,000 spirits in 1 man! And I think I have it bad with the ones I fight. What utter relief he must have felt to be delivered!
Why didn't JESUS let him follow HIM? Why did HE say go home to your FRIENDS instead of family? MH pointed out that many in the man's hometown marvelled at his story, but few followed. Sort of like, great, sensational story, but now let's get back to life?
If there are 6,000 demons in one man, how many more are there out there? Just how big is the battle? How full will hell be when all is said and done? I shudder to think of it.
Jun. 9, 2009 - Embracing the Gospel
"When the gospel is really embraced, it makes men kind relatives and faithful friends; it teaches them to bear the burdens, and to bear with the infirmities of those with whom they are connected, to consider their peace and happiness more than their own." Matthew Henry (Mt. 18)
I knew that as I wrote my last entry that I would be tested. I failed miserably this weekend. :o( LORD, I need YOUR deliverance speedily! As I read this today, I ask also that YOU would open my eyes that YOUR gospel would be made more real, more clear to me. Don't let me forget what YOU have done. May my hands be open, my eyes be upward and my feet ready to walk where YOU would have me. May my heart be humble and my mind atune to YOUR will. May my spirit be filled with YOUR Holy Spirit. Be gentle with me but be persisitent.
Jun. 6, 2009 - Mothers Like the Son
"Christ perfectly knew all things that should befall him, yet undertook the work of our redemption, which strongly shows his love."
I've been struggling a lot with my attitude towards my kids and how they just don't seem to get how much effort I'm pouring into their education, their life, etc. . I expect their respect. I expect them to see how much work I'm doing, how much I have to do. Of course I have prayed that they will "get it", but I don't think that is in the works. I think the LORD wants to change me instead.
When I read this commentary from Matthew Henry this morning, it again reminded me that CHRIST knew that people would disrespect HIM, reject HIM, turn away from HIM in disgust, yet HE still pursued the best for us. HE didn't focus on the rejection/the not understanding; HE continued on in accomplishing the work set before HIM. This showed HIS love.
Therefore, I can choose to continue focusing on their disrespect or I can choose to focus on the task set before me - showing them the love of Christ through patience, perseverance, kindness, grace and mercy. I pray I would do so today, JESUS. Keep this in the forefront. It is SO VERY hard for me. I am a justice type of person; I lack grace and forgiveness with those in my own home. How can that be, LORD? How can I be so ready to bring the gavel down on those closet to me and yet easily hand out forgiveness to those outside my home?
My most frequent prayer: Change my heart, O GOD, make it ever true.
May. 7, 2009 - It's Time
As I continue through Numbers, today I read about the LORD calling Miriam and then Aaron home. It doesn't say much about Miriam's death, but it gives good detail on Aaron's. I wondered what it would be like to put myself in his or Moses' place.
The LORD told them it was time for Aaron to die. First of all, how would I feel if I were Moses? Walking up the mountain, knowing it was time for my brother, my partner in ministry, to die? How would it feel to have to come down the mountain alone and tell the people he was dead? How would it feel as the people to watch your leaders die off one by one?
What would I be thinking if I were Aaron? Would I be afraid? Would I be sad? Matthew Henry, in his commentary, seems to think he was at peace with it. I think I would be wondering if I had done it all right - knowing full well I hadn't (remember him and Miriam and the leprosy?). How would I feel climbing a mountain with my brother and son, knowing I wouldn't be coming down with them? Would I be at peace with how I'd spent my life?
How would I feel if I were Eleazar? Did he know going up that his daddy was going to die? How would he feel about taking over Aaron's position? Would I feel up to the task? After all I'd seen, would I be afraid to take the postion?
Will I be okay when the LORD calls me home? Will I think I've spent my time well? Will I be at peace with both leaving and leaving my family to carry on the message?
Apr. 15, 2009 - Something I've Never Thought Of
In reading Numbers, I came across where it was describing who could go into the temple and what would happen to those who entered into the inner courts if they weren't a Levite. It occurred to me that JESUS never entered the inner courts. JESUS, the Son of GOD, never went farther in than the entry court. Hmm...
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkApr. 10, 2009 - Seven
"These statues tell us to beware of covetousness, for a man's life consists not in the abundance of his possessions. We are to exercise willing dependence on God's providence for our support; to consider ourselves the Lord's tenants or stewards, and to use our possessions accordingly." (Matthew Henry's commentary on Lev. 25)
I've been having a tough time getting something out of reading Leviticus this time. I was just thinking that as I read this chapter, and as I turned to the commentary, this jumped out at me. I've known about the Year of Jubilee (which happens every 50 years), but I was wondering what the significance of these every 7 years was. To think that they as a whole stopped working every 7th year is mind-blowing to me. Thinking of the economy the way it is today, I was wondering if perhaps the LORD is trying one last effort to call America to repentance and dependence upon HIM. Is this our 7th year?
What if we actually did this? The things we would force ourselves to learn...how much wiser we might be with our money and stuff. The things we would learn about the LORD...about each other...
Mar. 25, 2009 - Golden Calves
I was reading Exodus 30-32 this morning where Moses delays in returning from meeting with GOD, so Aaron makes the golden calf for the people. I still haven't figured out why Aaron would give in so quickly to such a request, but I can understand the people's actions.
Moses was gone for a long time - over a month! I could say I'd be spiritual and wait for him to return, but I know in truth, I'd be saying, "Okay already. I know GOD can't have that much to say...let's get on with it!" I'd like to say that I would have been amazed at all the miracles that GOD used in delivering them from slavery to Egypt, but I think I know in my heart that I am a creature of comfort just as the Israelites were. In waiting for a new thing, they got antsy and wanted to return to what was comfortable, routine. Waiting is uncomfortable. Giving my attention to something that can be seen is so much easier than to wait upon something that I can not see. I can feel the pull even now as I wait upon the LORD for answers. I want to be busy. I want to keep moving. I want to interact with something I can see, feel, hear and touch. I want it on my timetable.
LORD, take this heart of stone and make it malleable. Help me to be still and to wait regardless of the time it takes. May my eyes not be drawn to the flashy, the rapid response of the things around me, but may I be content to wait until YOU say enough. Only YOU can do this; I have not enough strength on my own.
Mar. 13, 2009 - Stinky Feet
As we're reading through Journey To the Cross for Easter, we came upon the passage where JESUS is eating the Passover meal. This is just hours before the hardest moments in HIS life, and HE knew it. HIS mind does not appear to be consumed with HIS looming trial; mine definitely, absolutely would be. No, HE still has the presence of mind to serve others, to teach, to deal lovingly with HIS "enemy" (Judas). Not only is HE not preoccupied, but HE has the wherewithall to pour out HIS life even though in just hours HE will literally be doing just that. Instead of begging for pity (as I would be), HE becomes even more vulnerable. HE rises when HE could be served, HE bares HIMSELF (humility/vulnerability), and HE serves. But HE doesn't just serve, HE chooses to serve in the lowest capacity. In a few hours, HE will be suffering horribly! HE will be in immense pain! HE will be unjustly blamed/comvicted. HE will be humiliated and shamed before all. HE will die a criminal's death even though HE is royalty. Even still, HE CHOOSES to do the lowest, nastiest job possible. HE does what no one else wants to do. It was customary in those days to have the lowest servant to come and wash their stinky, dirty feet as they entered a house. Complete with dirt, sweat, and animal excrement, they would enter a home. As most walked barefoot or with flimsy sandals, I can only imagine the condition of feet in those days. Ragged, calloused, dirty, smelly. I don't know if you've ever done a foot washing, but I have done it once or twice, and it was humbling enough, and their feet were clean. HE not only did it, but HE did it twelve times. Not only that, but HE did it to the one who would betray HIM. To me, this passage spoke to me about serving my kids. Am I willing to serve them even though they don't get it? Am I willing to do the little things no one else wants to do? Am I willing to shed my "rightful" position and become as the lowest? Am I willing to set aside my agenda to serve them in their obliviousness? LORD, help me to wash my children's feet, my husband's feet. May I not be so consumed with my "rightful" place, my agenda, what is looming ahead, my trials and woes that I am not willing to serve. I can tell YOU my heart is hard. Open my eyes that I might see. May I rise that I might kneel.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkMar. 9, 2009 - What's a Quiet TIme For Anyway?
I was reading another blog and they pointed out something so simple yet rarely thought about (at least for me). What is our time with GOD for? Is it to memorize Scripture? Is it to get truth into us? Is it to learn something new? All of that is good, but they pointed out that perhaps we should shift our perspective from "what can you do for me, GOD?" to "what can I do for YOU, GOD?" Is it possible that we should come to HIM just to please HIM? To give HIM praise? To expect nothing in return? I came this morning with that focus. It was hard. It's not so much that I wanted HIM to give me something, but I was having a hard time staying awake! I do know my strong tendency is to start thinking about the day, to think about the answers I need from HIM. Why is it so hard to be still, GOD? Is it because my house is generally a zoo? Am I just conditioned to that? I do want to thank YOU, JESUS, for speaking to me these past days - even amidst all my questions, worries, fears, and health issues. Even if it's hard to hear what YOU say, I still want to hear YOUR voice. Be still. Watch. Wait. Let go. Rest. Take time for "dawdling". Stop thinking so much.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkFeb. 25, 2009 - Beneficial Delays
"If the chief butler had got Joseph to be released from prison, it is probable he would have gone back to the land of the Hebrews. Then he had neither been so blessed himself, nor such a blessing to his family, as afterwards he proved." -Matthew Henry's Commentary When the chief butler (and baker) were released from their imprisonment, they promptly forgot Joseph. I can see why the baker might forget or might keep his mouth shut even if he didn't forget, but why would the butler? But GOD allows these seemingly imcomprehensible things to happen for a reason. I had never thought of what M. Henry said above. If Joseph had been released after the butler's release, he probably would have gone home. That would have been great for him so he could reunite with his family. BUT, he would not have known about the famine to come. He and his family would have endured the famine with no pre-provision like GOD actually prepared with Joseph's delay from prison. Sometimes the delay of our release from our prisons are for our own future benefit and for the benefit of others. That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around. Sure, I can see it in Joseph's case. I have the whole story. But I do not have the whole story of my life set before me. I cannot see a good reason why I should continue on in my current woes (health issues, frustrations, trials...). I do not forsee any current benefit in staying this way, nor do I see any future benefits either. However, I know I do not have the whole story. I do not know what or who lies ahead. I do not know how much time I have here. I do know GOD is good, and if HE leaves me in my current situation, then there is good that will come of it. The good may not be in the now; it may be in the days ahead. It may be for my good; it may be for the good of others. GOD, help me to rest in that fact. YOU ARE GOOD; therefore, to continue in this current place I'm in is okay. YOU are allowing it for a reason. I have asked YOU for healing and for release, so I feel I have done my "part" in asking for healing and release. I'm sure Joseph asked YOU to free him many times. And so I will wait. I will trust that YOU will bring the open door at the right time. As much as I want it now, help me to wait until the right time. I cringe even as I write that, and YOU know that. Help me to strengthen my resolve and "endure". Keep reminding me that there will be good coming from it. I do ask YOU to cover my family though. I see the negative effects it can/is having on them. I pray they keep the good lessons and lose the bad things I seem to be passing on. May they remember YOUR hand of provision and mercy instead of my failures and shortcomings. May they rise above my bad habits. May they learn from this the lessons YOU would have for them. May YOU be real to them even now. I don't want them to just know about YOU; I want them to KNOW YOU. May they have their own living and active relationship with YOU. May they know YOUR power for themselves. May they know YOUR mercy and grace and forgiveness for themselves. Open all our eyes to see YOU more clearly. And help us to wait.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkFeb. 24, 2009 - Different Avenues
"Satan, when he found he could not overcome Joseph with the troubles and the frowns of the world, for in them he still held fast his principle, assaulted him with pleasures, which have ruined more than the former." -Matthew Henry's Commentary on Gen. 39 This quote really caught my eye, as the LORD has been trying to deal with me on a particularly tough lesson for me to learn - to rest. To rest, to me, is to be lazy. I'm not referring to sleeping in, but to sit down during the day and do nothing or to play a game with the kids. I continually have before me my ever-growing to-do list; how can I take the time to do "nothing"? So what does that have to do with the above quote? satan does not have to try very hard to get me off the path. I'm sucked in by the troubles and frowns of this world in a heartbeat. I can't even tell I am at times. And HE keeps trying over and over. And I keep fighting it. It's not in my nature to be still unless I'm reading. I also noticed GOD didn't remove Joseph from his undesirable circumstances. GOD allowed his brothers to put him in a dry cistern. HE allowed them to sell him to Midianites. HE could have kept him out of prison. HE could have had the two dudes remember him much before the one did. But HE didn't. GOD uses different avenues than we do, and I need to keep remembering that. HE chooses the narrow way - the path less traveled - the path with branches in the way, with thorns, with no well-marked way to go - the one without road signs or well-lit streetlights. GOD doesn't want to remove me from my frustrating circumstances. HE wants me to learn to rest amidst them. HE wants me to stop striving and rest even though I feel "imprisoned" by my circumstances. I don't want to, LORD, but help me to stop striving and rest.
*2Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkFeb. 1, 2009 - Parasites
Day 23 - This is the chapter that the movie Fireproof talks about. They define parasites as "anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage". They also go on to say that most come in the form of addictions. So what is it that sucks the life out of my marriage. What has more control over me than I do of it? Hmmm... What are the parasites that suck the life out of my relationship with GOD? Do kids qualify? ;op Seriously though, it's tough to get a minute alone with Eddie between the girls and a toddler. There's always somebody wanting something. We have tried to up our number of date nights by having some "in-house" dates, but it's still tough. The girls had a great idea of creating "Oakwood". This is their version of a movie theater (like Raleighwood). They put blankets up over the posts of our bed, come and take our orders and deliver us the food and drinks. This is great, except that they come in many times ;o). Sometimes we run right up the street after the Boogs has gone to bed. This works better, but we feel comfortable going only so far and for so long. I don't know how others do it. Paying for someone to come over is just ridiculously expensive for us. We've tried to no avail to get couples to switch off. I guess my to-do list qualifies as a parasite. It's never-ending but ever-growing. The LORD is slowly breaking me of the hold of it with my health issues. Show me what to do and not do, LORD. It's hard for me to figure it out.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkJan. 28, 2009 - The True Noah
"And in the warning given to Noah, there is a more solemn warning given to us, to flee from the wrath to come, which will sweep the world of unbelievers into the pit of destruction. Christ, the true Noah, which same shall comfort us, hath by his sufferings already prepared the ark, and kindly invites us by faith to enter in. While the day of his patience continues, let us hear and obey his voice." Matthew Henry's Commentary It's amazing to me how I can read something so many times, yet never consider something about the passage until someone else points it out. Having been a Christian for almost 20 years now, I don't remember ever thinking about CHRIST being the True Noah. Not in the sense that Matthew Henry described above. JESUS really has done the work for us. Not only did HE labor physically for us as Noah did to prepare the ark, but HE also endured the ridicule and the scorn for us as Noah did while he was constructing this live-saving device. CHRIST really has done all the work for us. All we have to do is accept the invitation to "enter the boat" to escape the coming deluge. Perhaps that is why we are so slack to urge others to enter. We have not labored as CHRIST has; we have not endured the scorn and ridicule that CHRIST has. As we tell our children that they will value something more when they have to work for it, so we would value our salvation more if we truly had to stand up for it. LORD, I don't necessarily want to invite persecution upon myself, but I do want to value my salvation. I don't want to take it for granted. I don't want to keep it to myself. I don't want to watch from the "helm of the boat" as others I know and see around me are consumed by the "flood" that is to come. Open my eyes, LORD. Help me to see. Help me to work, to labor, to warn, to speak the truth to those around me. Loosen my tongue as YOU did for Moses.
*0Comments*Post A Comment!*Permanent LinkJan. 25, 2009 - Which Way?
I read this footnote in Genesis 4 this morning. At first, I was thinking how sad it was that it only took one generation to see people doing things their own way, but isn't that what Eve did? She decided that taking GOD at HIS Word wasn't sufficient, and that HE was actually holding something back from them. I wonder what Cain's growing up was like. What made him come to GOD this way? Did he feel competition from Abel? Was Abel favored? "In bringing the offering he did, Cain denied that he was a sinful creature under the sentence of divine condemnation. He insisted on approaching God on the ground of personal worthiness. Instead of accepting God's way, he offered to God the fruits of the ground which God had cursed. He presented the product of his own toil, the work of his own hands, and God refused to receive it (Arthur W. Pink, Gleanings in Genesis)." How often do I try to come to GOD on my own terms instead of the way HE has prescribed? I will have to do some soul-searching and evaluation of that one. It's something I really need to think about. BTW, I haven't fallen off the deep end concerning The Love Dare. I'm actually at Chapter 20, I think. Getting ready for surgery has taken up more of my limited mind space! :o)
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