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Nov. 5, 2007
A Wow Moment!
Have you ever read something and had one of those "Wow!" moments? I just did. I hope I do my crediting sources well because there is no way I could write this on my own.
I was just reading Michael and Debi Pearl's new edition of "No Greater Joy" magazine (Nov-Dec 2007) where Michael has written an article on blame. I will quote a few of the things that stuck out to me:
"If repentance is a mark of the Spirit's work in a person's life, blame is a mark of Satan's work." (pg. 6) I had never really thought of it that way - the opposite of repentance being blame. Of course it makes sense to me that satan would be behind this - he's been doing that since the beginning. I can see this is true as I witness a couple having marital difficulties. It is so true. You are in one boat or the other.
"It is easier to accuse another than to take responsibility." (pg. 6) In our made-to-order society, we surely want things our way. We expect it; we demand it. It's our right! Or is it???
We are so busy with all the things we think are so important, but yet, we don't want to take the time to work out what's most important - our relationships with each other. "Blame takes less effort than a creative solution. Blame conceals personal guilt, inferiority, stupidity and carelessness." (pg. 6) Why is it that we will expend all this energy on finding creative ways of getting more work done faster or better or on advertising, etc., but we don't want to use our brainpower to heal a broken relationship? Why are we so afraid to admit we're wrong? Everyone knows we are all fallible, all messed up, all inferior, so why not come out and say it? Why is it so hard for me to admit I am wrong to my children? my husband? They know I have shortcomings and faults galore. I know I have them, so why pretend as if I don't?
What if we blame our children for something and then find it was us at fault? Why are we easier on ourselves than we would have been on them? (pg. 7) I really have no answer for this one other than to say I see enough of my own faults and shortcomings that I don't want to add another one!
One of the big questions Michael Pearl said was, "What in the world the purpose of blaming them? To punish? To make the person ashamed? To let them know how unhappy we are with them? Do we think it is proper corrective rebuke? Does the person being blamed feel motivated to function more responsibly? How does blaming them make them feel?" (pg. 7) We are so quick to blame, but why? Are we so interested in relieving ourselves of any pent-up pressure or conviction that we are willing to blow off steam on another without taking into consideration how our words might affect them? I doubt my blaming has any positive effect. I'm guessing the reason I'm so quick to blame is that I don't like to see all my faults all the time, so why not focus on somebody else's for a change? Sometimes it is a control issue. I want them to do it my way because I have taken the time to think it through and it's got to be the best way (so I think). Who are they to create more chaos in my life?! And so the story goes...
He asks the question, "Is blame always wrong?" (pg. 8) He answers that by catching us in the act of trying to justify ourselves (pg. 8). Yes, "we are blameworthy. But, the big question is, who is worthy to blame us?" (pg. 8) The issue isn't whether we should ever be blamed or apply blame to someone, but who do we think we are in the process? It's one thing to correct someone in love and firmness for a wrong done; it's quite another to lash out in a "spirit of blame" (pg. 8). Are we doing this for their good or are they just our dumping ground?
Wow. |
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Nov. 8, 2007 - Bravo!
I've been trying to add you to my friends list, but it keeps telling me that no such user exists. Don't worry...I'll keep trying! Good to hear from you the other day. With our 6, it's hard to blog or write a lot of the times, so when you don't hear from me, sweet friend, I'm still thinking of you and praying for you all.
Keep up the great blogging!
Lisa