So often, I have wanted GOD to step in and perform some "miracle" for me. What I really want is for HIM to do what I want. Reading Philip Yancey's book, Disappointment With God, I came upon a new revelation. He says on page 204 that when GOD provided physical success for the Israelites, it still did not help their spiritual performance. In other words, granting their requests did not bring them any closer to GOD. We all know about the Israelites grumbling and complaining their way through the desert, but have we ever linked it to GOD granting them their requests and the closeness of their relationship with GOD? I hadn't. GOD can answer my prayers and pleas the way I want, or HE can not. That should not be the thermometer of my relationship with GOD. I will have good times and bad times, but I will always have GOD if I so choose to let HIM walk through life with me. I must separate what is going on in my life from how I view my relationship with GOD. Just as a parent allows some heartbreak into the life of their child for their own good, so does GOD. And HE knows just what to allow. We make our best guess. I do not know still why I have gone through the dark time I have been in, but I do know I am coming out of it slowly. The darkest night has lifted. The sun is beginning to shine again. There are still foggy days, cloudy days, some days of thunderstorms. I will say I have learned a lot about grief and having "nonjudging" compassion on people who are grieving. Grief truly is a solitary place. It is it's own world, and so few are willing to enter into another's world of pain. But isn't that what JESUS did?