Thank you all for the encouragement. There has been a lot going on lately. So much that it has brought me to a breaking point several times. School is going, not as great as I would like. Several times lately Ive considered PS. Not because I dont feel like Im doing the job, but because of all thats going on. Its sad when you cant get aid because you "make too much." Its sad and frustrating. Christmas is coming, my daughter's birthday is coming, more bills are coming, etc. I would like to change my daughter's curriculum to Alpha Omega or SOS thats not gonna happen anytime soon. Do we move, do we stay? So many variables in all of this. I feel like Im in the middle of a tornado. Maybe I am. I apologize if I am complaining. I am still here just wanted to stick my head in for a breather.
Its been a long weekend. Its actually been a difficult weekend. I fell under a heavy depression. I dont know why, I just know I did. Im coming back. I know He will not allow me to have more than I can handle. Although, it seems dark and the light at the end of the tunnel seems far away, my God is there. That's something I need to hold on to. The fact that even in the midst of the storm when you cant see a thing, God is there. All He has to do is say, "Peace, be still" and everything obeys. Peace, be still.
School is going good and every day I see that homeschooling was the right choice, despite the obstacles.
Its hard working FT and homeschooling FT. Not to mention be in church FT...lol if you will.. I cant stop working because I enjoy getting a paycheck more than once a month. I have no desire to go on welfare. It simply angers me that when I need assistance with food or medical care, they tell me I make too much. How can I make too much when Im barely making over $8.5/hr? You cant afford the medical coverage at your job, because its simply too expensive. I cant tell you the last time I went "grocery" shopping. After all, what is that?? I buy as needed which is few and far between. My curriculum is purchased with part of my tax refund. Sometimes my daughter will ask what she can snack on...I simply say there's ramen noodles. That gets old after a while. What is there to snack on unless I want to reheat dinner (which is fine) or make a whole meal again. Ugh.
Every year you hear people talk about vacationing. That would be nice to go away every year. Im due to go on vacation next month but dont know if I will be able to. I made the mistake of telling my daughter (I was planning to go visit my mom in Carolina). How do you tell an 8 yr old that you have to make sure all the bills are paid, etc. and ensure there is enough gas money for down and back?? Yes, its simple, but not so easy if she doesnt see her grandma but once every 2 yrs or so. Now, if we dont go thats another disappointment I have to deal with but its something that we can make it through.
When all this is going on and it was a long day at work and you have a child that is grouchy because she doesnt want to do school work that late in the evening. It makes for a very ROUGH day. You have all these thoughts swirling in your head. You wonder if you can continue down this road and remain positive. The thought of PS may even sneak in your head. But just about the time when you want to say ENOUGH, God steps in and says "rest," and "peace be still." You shed some tears and He wipes your eyes. You close your eyes and He rocks you to sleep. His love radiates throughout your body. You realize..."God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture His painting. God is God and I am man." God must know that I can handle this. He has made a way that I could do this. As far as my other worries, God has provided. We have never went hungry or been without shelter. The other things, if He wants us to have them we will receive them.
Tonight may seem dark but joy comes in the morning.
Im about to embark for the umpteen time to lose weight....If anyone has any suggestions that would be excellent. Not sure how Im going to keep track of it...but I will. Hope all is going well for everyone. I was waiting on the Field Guide for Birds to come in at the library. My daughter has to use it in her science class....interesting. Until next time, chow!
While up this morning preparing for work. I happened to see on the main page of yahoo that a girl who calls herself, lonelygirl15 on youtube is a fake. So, I started reading the article. Lo and behold, it appears that this girl and some production company on the net created this character. Once again, its a jab a homeschooling and people who are sincere in their faith. This lonelygirl was supposedly homeschooled with " overly strict and religious parents." I didnt view all her content at u tube. I checked a couple of videos. It simply burns me up. Even so...I must remember.............
Mat 5:11
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Mat 5:44
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Joh 15:20
Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
Rom 12:14
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
Sometimes things are so stirred within me that I rely on music to speak what I feel. At this moment, a song comes to mind. This song is called "Center of My Joy" by Ruben Studdard. The lyrics go....
"Jesus, you're the center of my joy. All thats good and perfect comes from you. You're the heart of my contentment, hope for all you do. Jesus, you're the center of my joy. When Ive lost my direction, you're the compass for my way. You're the fire and light when nights are long and cold. In sadness, you are the laughter that shadows all my fears. When I'm all alone your hand is there to hold. Jeus, you're the center of my joy. All thats good and perfect comes from you. You're the heart of my contentment, hope for all you do. Jesus, you're the center of my joy. You are why I find pleasure, in the simple thins in life. You're the music in the meadows and the streams, the voices of the children, my family and my home. You're the source and finisher of my highest dreams..."
Even when my heart seems to be overwhelmed...it cries out to Jesus to praise and glorify Him.
Its a new year for schooling and already I am feeling the crunch. It was so much easier when I was in my other position at work to homeschool. Now that I have made manager its a struggle. Im starting to feeling sick on my stomach a lot and having thoughts of PS. Although I know its not something I want to do. All I can do right now is 
and call out to God. Lord Jesus help me! Even though I have friends that homeschool Im feeling alone. My stomach is churning now but at least something is off my chest.
Abba, Father...is all I can cry out at this point in time. Im tired, exhausted and frustrated. I know that you will not give us more than we can handle. Its been a long day and all I want to do is crawl up into your arms and rest. Rest in the comfort of your loving arms. Rest knowing that I am safe and loved! Rest in knowing that when I am too tired to walk, you carry me. I love you Jesus, ABBA FATHER! Tonight, I simply rest in the shelter of your wings.
Just sticking my head in. Im a bit exhausted, ok A LOT. There just always seem to be something going on. Even if I could sleep I day, I couldnt. My body simply wont let me know. I can work a midnight shift, come home and sleep a couple of hours and Im up. Does it mean Im rested? Nope. My body simply says NO or ENOUGH.....Been trying to start our first day of school, but with meetings going on at work and training of new employees..i've yet to start. I will this week!
Phi 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.