After church today, I was thinking...something that I wouldn't really recomend. You can easily scare yourself with such things as thoughts!

Anyway....in today's sermon (which was very good), the pastor said that we are constantly bombarded with sin and the want to sin. That brought the thoughts. I was thinking that my mind is a castle fortress. I am constantly fighting back thoughts of a sinful nature that bang at my drawbridge and try to storm the keep. They fight and fight to get inside and take my mind in the name of the devil but I fight. I defend my keep in the Name of God and keep them back. When there is the rare time that they are not attacking, I fortify my walls with Bible verses and His Love. They attack again but it never seems easier. Some do but others are always coming after me. Stealing isn't such a difficult foe to fight but there are others.

      Then there are quests for me to go on. The quest to Honor my Mother and Father is one I particullarly have trouble with. It seems that there is always the temptation to run the other way even though I know I cannot win that fight. I seem to always be argueing about something stupid with my parents or I'll turn back into a three-year-old and push my boundaries until I get shocked by their punishment.

       I always put life into the form of a battle or some kind of medieval situation. Some of my favorite verses in the Bible are the ones going over the Armor of God. He equips me with the garments of battle that He knows I will have to face sooner or later. I am learning that being a child is so much easier. of course God is real. Why? Because He is....duh!! Everything was cut and dry and easy. You woke up and watched shows but didn't extract anything from them really, you played long and hard, you danced with no one and didn't care who saw, you would sing out loud and strong, confident in the voice behind the words, your teddy bear/horse/dog/whatever that special toy was when you were little was your best friend and he talked back to you and answered your questions and the list goes on. Now, you pull yourself from bed, hating that its already morning. You think of playing but are busy doing homework. You may dance but only when forced and you wonder who is watching and are painfully aware of who you are dancing with. You might forget about the singing in the shower but wonder what you sound like to the ears listening. And that special toy has gone silent. They may still be on your bed or you can still see him/her but if you do have a crazy moment and talk to him, he just sits there, staring blankly at you, silent and still. I just think it is so weird how that happens. Is that maturing or is it growing up? What is the difference? Why do we have to do it? I want to stop! NOW!!! Maybe that is what inspire James Barry, the writer of Peter Pan. Neverland....a place where you never grow older. Everything would seem simpler, wouldn't it?

Well, I will leave you now. May the stars watch over you and when the sun fades, may you be warm in your beds!

kate