Well, I really don't want to be known for using my blog to only vent the troubles in my life, but this past week has been probably the hardest week I have ever had in my life.  I kept telling God that I couldn't handle anymore, but "more" continued to come.  I guess I have found out that I can survive more than I thought I could, but that really doesn't bring me much comfort. 

I have gone back and forth between being so angry at God I could hardly stand it to weeping and crying and begging for His strength and help.  I guess in some ways my prayers and the prayers of those who knew what was going on helped me because I did survive it, but survive it is all I have done.  I am certainly not a picture of the "abundant life" we read of in Scripture.  Unless one's definition of life is nothing but grief and heartache, then I would say I guess I do have abundant life. 

I know that sounds very negative and I truly don't want to feel that way, but the circumstances that just keep piling up in my life are suffocating me and it is hard to think very positive when you are choking.  I have been a huge emotional wreck all week and some of my behaviors have not been appropriate and I have asked forgiveness for those I hurt and I am trying to meditate on scriptures to get me through this time.

There are still many decisions to make and due to the circumstances we are in, there will be many more emotional days I am sure, but my prayer is that God can somehow help me to forgive and help me to heal my broken heart, and to move forward and bring some sort of peace and happiness to my home and make it a refuge instead of a battleground where the enemy comes in to steal, kill, and destroy. 

If any of you feel led to, I would appreciate your prayers for our family and that I, in particular, would have calmness instead of panic and fear, and that God would grant peace to all of us and grace and mercy for whatever lies ahead. 

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Jul. 27, 2007 - you are strong

Posted by Anonymous

...but He is stronger! Your cries are heard, but His timing is perfect. Rest, rest, you cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your responses. Do not be controlled by your emotions. Your example during this time of duress will teach lessons to many who are watching. Be gracious, be led. Praying for you!

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Jul. 27, 2007 - Hang in there!

Posted by walkingwithhim

Hello, I'm new around here and came across your post. My heart goes out to you and your family as you deal with these circumstances in your life.

Philippians Chapter 4 has been "reoccuring", if you will, lately. Whether it's sermons I've heard or our Homeschool Co-op leader sharing some verses, they happen to be the same ones! (Isn't God amazing?!?!)

Anyway, read over that chapter. It's filled with some great things! (Especially verses 4-8 and 19)

I am praying for you!
~Wendy

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Jul. 28, 2007 - lifting you in prayer

Posted by smjlangley

((((HUGS))))) and prayers are being sent up for you Donna. Lean on Him, he will carry you!!!!

Melissa

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Jul. 29, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Ellen

Donna, please know I am praying for you guys. I wish we could meet up and talk......
{{{Hugs}}}}

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Jul. 29, 2007 - I am praying

Posted by Anonymous

I am praying for you! I surely miss you! Hope we connect soon!

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Jul. 31, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Happyhome

Donna,

First off, here's a ((((hug)))) for you! You are in my prayers. Thank you for posting how specifically we can pray. May the peace that passes ALL understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus our Lord. When we come to a place of complete surrender to His will, then the peace comes. Its a strange feeling to have such peace in the midst of such chaos, but it is an awesome reminder that He is not just walking through the valley with you, but He's carrying you in His strong, loving arms.

So often we don't understand the doors He opens for us. Remember that He has not only promised to open the doors He wants in our lives, but to help carry us through them. Walk through with confidence, knowing your not alone. Whatever awaits you and your family on the other side will not be a surprise to the Lord.

Be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord.

Hugs,

Angela

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