This weekend we as a family experienced a mixture of emotions. This past saturday, June 7th, marked a series of events for us. This day was the 1 year anniversary of the death of our beloved baby boy, Parker. He was a son, brother, nephew, grandson and cousin. While he was only with us a very short time, he lived 5 minutes after birth to be exact, he was loved so very much. He continues to bless our lives daily. Chris and I realized how wonderful it was to be his parents. The fact that God chose us is such an honor. I look at his picture on our bedroom wall everyday and just thank God that we had those special minutes with him. While we mourn his death, we also were able to celebrate his life and what he means to us all. We also celebrated other life this weekend. It was my nephew, Cameron's 9th birthday on the 7th of June as well. We called and talked to him and he was so excited to get a new trampoline and journal. My other nephew, Alex, is also celebrating his 16th birthday on the 9th. This year their birthday's were a huge change from last year. Parker was born and passed on Cameron's birthday and we buried him on Alex's birthday.

Another celebration of life we had was that Christian's cat, Maggie, gave birth to 4 kittens on Saturday as well. In fact the kittens were born in the same hour that Parker had been born the previous year. Christian was the one that made that connection. Christian was such a wonderful help to Maggie and I as he stayed in the room right next to her birthing box, helping me keep the kittens warm while she continued to labor and deliver. It was a wonderful experience for him, however not one I would like again! We will be getting her fixed asap. She snuck out of the house and was gone for a couple of days. She came back pregnant!

It's amazing what can happen in a year. This time last year, had you asked, my life was over. I was in such a massive state of despair and deppresion. We had tried to concieve for 7 years when we finally discovered we were pregnant with Parker, only to loose him so quickly. I experienced such a range of emotions, pain, hurt, anger, fear, you name it..I had it. I was confused and upset with God. It wasn't until I finally went out to the cemetary by myself and really talked to God and to Parker, that I was finally able to understand His purpose and begin to heal. I feel stronger in my faith since that talk. I fell in love with my husband all over again. He was my rock during that time. I had always been the strong, anchor in our family but when I just couldn't handle it, he took over. He held me for hours while I cried. He took care of our house and kids when I just couldn't even get out of bed. I came to love and respect him so much more during that time. We have a newfound relationship now because of those difficult days. His faith grew right along with mine.

We are now celebrating a new life together. That of our daughter Madeline, who will be joining us in 2 months. It is because of the discoveries made after Parker's death, that have made this pregnancy last. It has come with it's own set of difficulties and challenges but God is with us and He is watching over us and Madeline. I know Parker is looking down on us and smiling. I feel we have made him proud and I do look forward to the day that we can see him again. I love you my special angel.