Having been in the military for 23 years, one would thing we move a lot!  Not us!  DH married a veteran of a stationary military family.  My dad managed to keep us at one house for the last 11 years of his military career.  My dh has spent 7 years near our house now with 1 year in overseas.  During that time we met and got married.  Then we moved to another base for 7 years.  Then he went overseas for another year while the kids moved here, to his follow on assignment.  Well, he's been here over 7 years.  As the autumn wind gusts outside, so does the military news on a possible move.

We were able to get out of a move to another state a few years ago, when dh was placed in an entirely new up and coming exciting career field.  Then we made it to retirement possibility.  Then he got another promotion, and to keep the benefits, we need to stay in until 2009.  Then there were the rumors that the career field would move to Colorado.  That was fine with us!  

The other night, while reeling with the news that we ran out of floor tile in the master bathroom and wondering if that project would ever be complete, dh told me things are moving at the base.  After lots of talk and many idea changes over the last 1 1/2 years, the guys who make decisions made a decision.  They are going to freeze everyone's position in dh's department in preparation for the big move.  Nothing definite, just a "warning" that he'll get an assignment in the next 10 days.  I am just heartbroken.  As much as I've dreamed about remodeling our house, it was never a passion to me like it was dh.  And when he starts remodeling, that sort of takes precedence in our lives and I am so tired of the mess, not having much family time, etc.  I do enjoy the results though!  

In fact, I enjoy the results so much, that I am simply heartbroken at the thought of selling this house.  DH's handiwork is everywhere.  He has put me to work sewing curtains, puttering in the garden, making choices for the remodel projects... And I am tired.  I don't want to do another house.  We would not be able to afford much if we move.  We would only be able to afford a fixer.  DH loves the idea; I want to run and hide and possibly cry.

Then yesterday he e-mailed a job application for a base in a very flat state with no major attractions that interest us.  We love the mountains and one thing about living here, where all my childhood and college and young married memories reside, is that we have the lovely hill country nearby with charming little towns to visit.  What would we do in a flat state????  DH's concern is that there is no guarentee where he could get an assignment.  If he applied to the one in Colorado, he'd have to take a slot for a rank below him.

In the meantime, my dh was loving the idea of the move to the flat state for his career field.  He easily gets caught up in the moment.  But I know if we moved there, he'd be extremely unhappy.  We'd have nothing to do. 

Another consideration are my son's special needs, health wise.  The military codes dependents who have special health needs and matches the assignment to a local hospital that can provide.  My son's newest diagnosis is pectus excavatum.  It doesn't look too scary yet.  Eventually it could, and probably will.  It will get worse as he gets his growth spurt with puberty.  He'll need reconstructive chest surgery.  There is a family friend who had this condition as a teenager.  They were stationed in England before he was born.  By his teens, he got pectus excavatum and had to be air evacked to the hospital near us for the surgery.  On my "to do list" today, is to make a yearly checkup with new paperwork to update his special needs for the assignment people to go over.  

Why not retire?  He has always warned me he'd be retiring soon, knowing that I've been content and secure with him in the military and with our life here.  Memories, family and friends, wonderful orthodontist in a charming town outside the big city who doesn't charge extra and guarentees his work.  He wants to keep seeing the children through college!  That dentist I mentioned in a previous blog, they help us financially wiht appointments.  Our military insurance doesn't cover everything, so they cover the rest to thank us for our military service.  Also, they take better care of our teeth than anywhere else I've been.  

Once again, I am waking up early with a pit in my stomach and can't get back to sleep.  Usually this happens around 5am when dh gets up.  This morning, I have no idea what time I woke up and tossed and turned, but dh was still in bed. 

It may be time for me to leave my secure world and depend on God.  I can already tell it is providential that my new Beth Moore study is "Believing God".  I am totally being challenged.  Lord, give us wisdom, give me faith...