It rained all week during our camping trip. There was thunder and lightning. It was very cold too. We huddled in the tent all week. The rain made a big puddle around our tent.

Katie was at the aquarium. She saw a scary shark swim by her. She jumped back from the tank.

I got assigned to find the ancient chest. I could  just imagine seeing the gold shiny coins and blue dazzling jeweled necklaces. The next day I went on my quest. It was exciting going on the quest but dangerous and scary too. When I went outside I jumped up and down again and again because I was anxious to get going. I saw the opening of the big cave in front of me.It looked cold and wet, but I clapped my hands because I was finally there. I went inside and saw something behind the rocks. It was the treasure chest. I found the lost treasure chest of the Ancients! It was an old, ,brown ,rusty chest but when I opened it I found all the jewels and gold I had imagined.

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Posted by skmarlow

I like your use of the word "huddled"--very descriptive; and the puddle around the tent. The only "dead" word I found is "cold." You could have showed me it was cold rather than just telling me. (It was so cold our teeth chattered) or something like that. :-)

In the second assignment, having Sarah jump back is great! Action really helps show your characters. But...what does a "scary shark" look like? 6-inch teeth? Red eyes? 12 feet long? I think "scary" is the dead word I found in this section. :-)

Lots of great word pictures here in the Ancient Treasure chest story: rusty chest, Blue dazzling jeweled necklace, gold shiny coins. Excellent.
Again, watch out for those dead words: dangerous, scary. What makes it dangerous? Did rocks start falling on you? Did natives attack? SHOW me danger! :-)

Nice job, Miranda. Have fun on the test in lesson 7A.

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