Sugarloaf Mountain Academy
Feb. 15, 2008
Lesson 9, Great Beginnings

Posted in Nathan

Matching techniques

2,1,5,3,9,6,7,4,8

An unusual setting

Jonathan and Michael were walking along a lonely beach. Suddenly they heard a giant wave crash on the beach and the erie sound of a boat settling on the shore. Then far into the distance they saw the most spooky old boat they had ever seen. The sides of the boat had seaweed and barnicles on it.

 Nathan had writers block so Bethany took over. Here is her story.

Bethany and James barried their toes deeper into the sand on the sun-soaked beach. Sighing deeply Bethany sipped her lemonade, while James adjusted his sunglasses. Both were clad in bathing suits, anxious to plunge into the frothy ocean waves. The beach was empty except for the two lover's and their matching beach towels. Or so they thought. As James was cleaning some lint off his cheap wal-mart glasses he looked lazily across the horizon. His eyes almost missed the lifeboat floating about 50 yards from the shore. The tide must have brought it here from the nearby marina. James poked Bethany. "Hey, look at that!" James gestured to the lifeboad and rose, dusting the sand off his swim trunks. The two jogged toward the boat, curriousity getting the best of them. Neither one was prepared for the sight their eyes were about to behold.


Post A Comment! Send to a Friend!

Comments

Feb. 27, 2008 - Lesson 9

Posted by skmarlow


Nathan, you got the test all right: 100%.

I like your unusual setting. The "lonely" beach immediately put a picture into my mind.
I think your beginning could almost be a "sound effect" too, if you changed things around a bit. Maybe...

CRASH!
A giant wave nearly crashed into Jonathan and Michael as they walked along the lonely beach.
CRASH!
Another wave brought the eerie old lifeboat....

(and so on)

I hardly know how to classify Bethany's beginning. LOL
OK, I'll settle on "interesting characters." That was my first "hook" and I think you wrote it a bit tongue-in-cheek (the cheap Walmart glasses added to the humor, as did the matching beach towels). LOL
It made me laugh, and after I've scored a number of these lessons from over 3 dozen kids, I needed a good laugh. Are those 2 characters drawn from any real-life people? Hmmmm? Pretty funny, Bethany, and actually a good beginning. I am a little hesitant to tell you that...like in the old days...I can't help but let you know that you spelled "buried" wrong. Quick! Pull out the Spelling Power and have another go at it! :-)
(I don't usually correct the spelling on these writing lessons, but I made an exception for you.)


Permanent Link