Technique to use

2,1,5,3,9,6,7,4,8

An usual setting

One bright sunny afternoon Sarah and Jen were walking on a glittering beach. The water was sparkling. Suddenly Sarah spotted a lifeboat on shore. It had peices off of the sides. Sarah and Jen did not know what or where it came from.

A sound effect

Sarah and Jen went down to a beach to play. It was about the afternoon when they got there. First Sarah and Jen made a sand castle then they walked to the glittering water. Suddenly Sarah heard a squeak. Sarah jumped back. "What was that?" Jen Heard Sarah. She ran to Sarah as fast as she could. When Jen got to Sarah she said to Sarah. "what was that?" Sarah replied "it is a boat that washed up from the sea."

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Posted by skmarlow

Nice job on the "test." You got them all right. 100%.

I like the "sparkling" water and "glittering" beach you used for your unusual setting open. I see you used my opening sentence. Actually, that was the opening sentence you were supposed to change into something more interesting. I'd leave out the "bright sunny afternoon" beginning, and just start with the 2 girls walking along the glittering beach next to the sparkling water. If the water is sparkling, the reader knows the sun must be shining, right? :-) I like the pictures that puts in my head...they're just out on a walk and WOW, they find the lifeboat. And ordinary day turns extraordinary.

When you decide to begin a story with a sound effect, usually that means you start it right away like,

Squeak...squeak...creak...
"What was that?" Sarah said.
Jen turned away from the sand castle she was making...

(and so on). Do you see the difference?

You are over half-way done with the lessons! Whoo-hoo! You're moving right along.

Edited by skmarlow on Feb. 27, 2008 at 6:12 PM

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