OK first let me say this is my oppinion and I am judging no one but myself here.

I have spent the summer a little lost. Ok actually allot lost.lol I have been forced to take a look at myself and find out again just who I am. I can tell you that losing Pappa last year really had a huge effect on me. He was my hero and one of the best people I have ever had the privalege to know. I am so blessed I got a front row seat with him. He was kind and loving and everything I wish I could be. In fact my sister and I say just about every time we talk how we wish we could be more like him. I think he and I definately shared the same off beat sense of humor but I wish I had more of his patience with people. Anyway, I am getting off track. Losing him last year made me face a few things. Mainly how life is short and you just never know when everything you thought you knew can change in a moment. Also how people are so much more important than the little things  we worry about day to day.

So I have been trying to figure out just who I am again and what things I have been trying to be that I am not. I can't tell you how suprising it was to me when I decided to homeschool that I was automatically inviting everyone and their brother to judge my parenting and ability to teach. Not to mention to quiz my children on what they know compaired to their public school counterparts. I almost collapsed under all the pressure. And I tried my hardest then to become supermom and meet everyones expectations of what I should be. One big problem arose from all this. I lost myself and became allot more anxious all of the time. Because, as Johnny and June Cash so aptly put it " It ain't me babe." lol

"It is a hard thing for us moms to just be ourselves. We are constantly caught up in the era of defining ourselves be what kind of mom other people see us as. Basically there seems to be a continuum where mothers at one end are sporting professionally designed graphic art masterpieces that read " Super Mom's are the Best and By the Way, My Kid Beat Your Kid in the Spelling Bee...Again". At the other end there is a ragtag looking hand scribbled poster that reads "Slacker Moms Rule... and the Thought of Spending Hours Memorizing Spelling Words Makes Me Nautious."" From a Book by Lysa Terkeurst called The Bathtub is Overflowing but I Feel Drained.

I don't really fall into any of these catagories. I tend to lean more toward the Slacker Mom. I am no where near Super Mom. And the harder I try to be Super Mom the more I fall short it seems. I don't like labels. I just want to be the kind of mom God intends for me to be and do the best I can for the children he has entrusted to my care. I have found that allot of these supermoms (by no means all) are doing so much with their kids because they are a reflection on them. They think that if their child excels then people will say" Wow that kid scored three goals today. He must have a great mom"

Is having a smart,successful kid a bad thing? Of course not, but when we do what we do for the recognition it brings us then we become out of balance. If we hover over our children all of the time it tells them that we don't trust them to be able to succeed on their own.

Please hear my heart here. I am not saying helping is bad. I am saying when we step in too much and too often we are in danger of sending our child the message that we think they are incapable.

On the other hand we don't want to be the slacker mom either. Who doesn't do anything because they are too tied up in their own things. It isn't that these mom's don't care. On the  contrary they tend to focus on relationships over activities.

So what is a mom to do? I am trying to take an honest evaluation of what is realistic for me and what is necessary for my family and trying to find balance for the journey. Balance, doing what I can with what I have been given based on what is realistic.

My kids never look perfect. I am happy if their faces and clothes are clean. (which if you know my kids you will see what a rarety that is). I take joy in descovering every day more about my children and who they are. I am trying to find some of the super mom traits that fit me and still relax enough to let my kids be kids. I will let you know how it goes.lol I want to be more like Pappa who never worried about taking the time to teach me a game or play a game with me or teach me to tie my shoes. He also still managed to get things done. He took care of his things but they didn't own him. He realized that people are more important. Not saying he was a saint by any means but remember I am looking through a granddaughter's eyes. lol

What a great job I have. Being constantly challenged to be the best of myself I can be while having a front row seat to see who my children are and guide them into the adults they will become. (hopefully teaching them to spell and not use run on sentences like their mother.lol)

We have been back at school for a couple of weeks now. So far so good. No melt down days yet. We are still working on getting back in our routine thought. Lilly wants to do school at 7 am and mommy is just not ready then. lol But she would do school morning noon and night if you let her. I am happy to be back in school. I liked having the down time during the summer but some days I just wanted to do school.

The girls start dance class on Friday. So it will be back in the mom taxi for me. But I don't have as far to go since I changed their dance school. Which means allot less hours in the car. I am even being brave and taking a dance class on Saturdays. Do you believe that? Well we will see how it goes. I am about as graceful as a hippo in a tutu but hey who knows. lol

Tristan wants to start wrestling in November. So it is off we go again.

I am so sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. We have been so busy. We had our end of the year tests and then wrapped up our school year. Which was a huge weight off of my shoulders. I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. We found out that our homeschool group was dissolving. While this brought some sadness I really think it was for the best.  I know at least for me that it was one of the things that contributed to my feeling of being overwhelmed. I had already planned on taking a break from co-ops for at least a semester.

I am so excited to already have the curriculum ready for my oldest for next year. I am still searching out 2nd grade curriculum for my middle child. I do already have preschool ready for my youngest so I feel at least a little organized for next year. So that has helped relieve some stress.

We had our housewarming and I finally have my house pretty much in order. So that is another weight off of my shoulders. I have been playing softball two to three days a week. I have so enjoyed it. I am so glad to be active again. I don't want to stop. I will certaintly have to figure out something to do after softball ends.

My hubby has taken this summer off of school. He has gone the last three summers and of course two full years so I am glad to have him here and to have a break. It is allot of work to have the kids alone all the time with Dave working and going to school. I know he needed the break as well.  So hopefully this coming year is his last full year of school. I think we will both be refreshed and ready for the next school year.

So this summer I am planning on relaxing,gardening, spending some fun time with my family, and hopefully doing some camping. I will probably take a break from blogging until the summer is over. So if you don't hear from me don't worry. Look for me to be back when the school year starts. Have a great summer all.

Well this has already been a week of ups and downs and it is only Wednesday. lol The other day I received a ver surprising e-mail that said our homeschool group was dissolving. While I was shocked and saddened at first I think it is going to be a good change. It took a couple of minutes to process it all. I have to say without the homeschool group I don't know if I would still be homeschooling today. The help and support I recieved from those ladies helped me keep going when I had no confidence in my ability at all. I know , however, that it was becoming overwhelming for many of us. I will miss the co-ops but I know I will not miss the friends I have made because the vast majority will not be going anywhere.

So it is almost the end of the school year and due to some of these changes I am going to have to sit down and reevaluate my plan of action for next year. Which is fine. I always use the summer to refocus and reorganize anyway. David is done with school at the end of this week.(yippeee) at least for this year. He is taking the summer off which will provide us both a much needed break. So he will be here to help me refocus. I want us to sit down and really talk about our goals for next year.

Also I had my first softball game Monday. After practicing Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday of last week I found myself with a swollen ankle. It is my bad ankle that I broke a few years back . So I only got to play one inning. I played catcher. I really enjoyed it. We lost 16 to 6 but one of those six points was mine. I actually made it all around the bases hurt ankle and all. So I have been resting up and icing it getting ready for our game tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Then yesterday my dryer wasn't working. This morning it is. But today my washer isn't working. Maybe I am overworking them? lol I am trying to get all the heavy winter clothes put away till next winter.

So that is my up and down week so far. Can't wait to see what happens next. lol

Well I just got my practice and game schedule for softball. Between practice and games and Dance class for the girls I will barely have one day where I am not running somewhere till July. lol

But hey that should really help me get into better shape and the less I am home usually means the less I eat. I tend to eat when I am bored. lol Keeping busy helps me. lol

I am so sore. I am amazed at how my mind thinks I should be able to play like I am still 17 and my body says ha ha ha ha you are kidding right. lol My body will just not move as fast as I think it should. So I am going to start running some speed drills with the kids in the evenings and break out my FIRM workout videos because they do allot of weight training which I love love love. I always love to feel stronger. So who knows by the end of all of this I may be in the best shape I have been in years.

Wish me luck.lol

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. I have been so busy with unpacking and moving. Finally after this weekend I am ready to recieve visitors. We spent the weekend finishing our unpacking. We got our curtains hung and most of our pictures as well. I can't believe how big the house looks without all the boxes in it. So who is going to be the first to come by and see the new house? lol

Also I started softball practice. I am so happy that I decided to do it. I will tell you I was really nervous about it . I was afraid I was too out of shape to do it. I was afraid someone would make fun of me. But I am so glad I got over the fear and just did it. I had so much fun. I felt like a kid again. Especially softball was my sport when I was a kid. Until the next morning. Then I felt old and sore. lol I am really anxious to do other things now. I will not let my weight hold me back anymore from doing things I enjoy. I also hope that this will help me get into better shape. I don't really care that much about the number on the scale as I do being healthy and being able to be a more active mom for my kids.

Well one box at a time I am getting unpacked. I am determined to have a nice organized home when I am done. My biggest issue that I have run into is that I have at least 5 boxes of books and only one bookshelf. lol I do however have a big closet in the master bedroom. So here is my plan. I will put the books I am using for this years school in a plastic bin that I have along with my art supplies and pencils and just stuff you would use for school. So I will have a school in a box. lol This will be somewhat easier because allot of Tristan's work will be on the computer next year. So most of it will be 1st grade things for Lilly and preschool things for Olivia.  I have put the books that I am reading and my prayer journal and my to do notebook will be in a basket next to my bed(actually they already are) and then I also have a place to put the remote for my TV in our room so it doesn't get lost. lol That should at least eliminate some of the books. Allot of the rest of them will go on my one bookshelf. Some old books of David's such as his school books he wants to keep will be in the building because I don't know where else to put them right now. But eventually I am going to have to buy more book shelves. Of course as many as I can get will be going in the yard sale. Although it is tough because I HATE to get rid of books. I always feel I can use them someday.

I am open to any other suggestions. What does everyone else who has a small home do with their many books? I know you have them if you are a homeschool family.lol

I thought this was good and I wanted to share it with you.

Check out these ideas about homeschooling on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq_tcyPV7Vg

Finally we have moved in. We are now begining the process of digging out from all of these boxes. I have my washer and dryer hooked up so I have started some laundry and I am on the move to get organized. There have already been allot of things that were packed up that will not be unpacked but instead will either be going in the building for a yard sale or going in the trash. I am continuing to downsize and I hope to greatly simplify my life. I have a nice open floor plan and I want to keep that nice open feel and not clutter it up with junk.

On another note I have lost 11lbs in the last two months. It is coming off slowly but I have not gained any back. I have a plan for the spring and summer. I am trying to eat like I did in highschool. I never ate this much and I was much more active. I have downsized my plates to a cake plate and I have outlawed eating in the living room or anywhere but the dining room. That should help me some. Also I had read somewhere that if you really want to stick to an excersize routine you should pick something you loved when you were a kid. Well my thing was always softball. I played every summer till I was in highschool. Then I tried out for the highschool team but I didn't make it so since then I haven't played. Well our church just started a softball team. Mens and womens. Guess who joined the womens team. That's right me. And since it is just for fun and not a big deal it is a really good place for me to start getting active again. I am really nervouse about it but I am excited too.  Wish me luck.

Well Lord willing we will be closing on our house this afternoon. It has been a long process. From what I hear though with all the new rules with homebuying it is going to get harder and harder for first time home buyers to get a house. Unless you have excellent credit.

I do have to confess something though. Monday we thought we were going to close on the house and we didn't then the mortgage broker called and told us that we needed 875 more dollars. Not for closing costs or down payment. Just to have sitting in the bank account. To show we had a certain amount of accetts. Well we had maxed out all the money we had. We had two paychecks and all our savings still sitting in the bank and we still needed more money. I cracked. I threw a fit such as I haven't since I was 5 years old. (not my bust day) I was so upset. How in the world were we going to do this. And without the money we couldn't get the loan. After all of this stress and worry we may not even get the house. After I finally calmed down I called a friend of mine. She and her husband loaned us the money(to hold and look at basically) and she had to sign a paper to say it was a gift. You know in case we were international terrorists or something. ARGH!

Ok I had to tell you that to get to this part. The next morning I get up and my devotion really slapped me in the face. It was about having idols in your life. Here is how you can tell if something has become an idol and you are no longer doing it for God's glory. When it is taken away or challenged you get ANGRY(check) , FRUSTRATED,(check check), and SELF PITYING(check check check). OUCH! that was me in a nutshell. We have prayed throughout this process to get the house. Once we found a house and started the home buying process I had quit praying. When things got challenging I got angry,frustrated, and self pitying. I had put my faith in the mortgage company and all of those people. It was like "ok God you found me a house I can take it from here" DUH not my brightest moment. So he decided to show me who really has control over everything. I have learned something through this. God doesn't always change us sometimes he just gives us opportunities to change. Like when someone prays for patience. He doesn't just make them more patient. He gives them opportunities to learn patience. We are challenged and how we react gives us opportunities to grow and learn.

He had given me more than one opportunity to go to him and pray for strength and faith and patience. But I failed everytime. (I am kind of slow sometimes. Just call me Peter. lol) Finally he just put it there in front of me in black and white. THEN I GOT IT!!!. Well I immediately hit my knees and thanked God for showing me my sin and asked for forgiveness. Then I called my husband and asked for his forgiveness ( I had lashed out at him more than once). As soon as I had done all of that ( I mean almost immediately) the realtor called with a closing time. I am so glad he is the one in control of the universe and not me. lol

Anyway I just had to share. Just be careful anything can become an idol when you aren't using it for God's glory or you start leaving him out.

It has been a frustrating couple of weeks with my daughters. I will be so glad to get into a house where we are all on the same level and I don't have to worry about packing things upstairs while they make a huge mess downstairs. lol

But that is another story. This is about something that happened Saturday. My oldest daughter got up and got herself dressed and got her sister dressed. Ever the girly girl of course Lilly dressed her and her sister in dresses. When they walked in our bedroom where hubby and I were talking about what we had to do for the day I saw just one little problem with their attire. Olivia my youngest was wearing her sisters dress. It was much to big for her. So I told Lilly what a nice job she did getting herself and Olivia dressed and then I said "but the dress you put on Olivia is your dress". To which she replied(this is the good part) " Mommy that can't be my dress anymore because it doesn't fit me. It doesn't go to my knees."

WOOHOO she gets it. Now at 5 she is already getting the idea about modesty. My hope is that if we lay the rules down now when they are little by the time they are teens it will be a habbit and we won't have to argue about it. I was just so thrilled with her comment and how she put it into practice.

I have been reminded by my dear friend that it is Spring and therefore time for Spring Cleaning. AAAAHHHH!!! lol

I actually love this time of year. I can't wait till it gets warmer and I can open up my windows and let the fresh air in. Then once the air is clean I want the rest of my home to be fresh and clean too.

Well this year is a little different. I am moving right at the begining of spring cleaning time. So I get to do my cleaning and move into a fresh new home. Usually during this time of year I clear out the clutter. Well moving is the perfect opportunity to do that. I am giving away or throwing away anything I don't absolutely love. I already have a big pile of boxes for Goodwill.

This week I am working on my room. I have already done my girls room and gotten rid of all of the clothes that I want to pass down or get rid of. I have downsized the toys by a huge amount. Three boxes full. Hubby will be helping my son downsize. So I am going to work on my things.

I have the usual three different sizes of clothes that women have in their closet. I am getting rid of all of the ones I don't absolutely love and that don't fit. So that is my goal for this week. To downsize my things in my room and simplify simplify simplify.

I am also tackling the cabinets and junk drawers to get rid of things that aren't needed. Lots of work so off I go.

Well just like every other time the Lord has moved us he is moving us fast. It is so funny. He never leaves us time to let the dust settle under our feet. Hubby met with the sellers and realtor at the house yesterday. The sellers are super nice people who will also be our neighbors across the hill. They are a good Christian couple. Here is the wonderful thing. They told hubby yesterday about how they have been praying for this house to sell for a long time. They wouldn't sell to an investor or someone who was just buying the house to rent it. They wanted to sell to a family just like us. A good family who needed a break. Isn't God wonderful? We prayed for clearity in our search and he shut tightly every door but this one. And it was an answer to not only our prayer but to the sellers prayer as well.

Well the closing has been moved up from March 23rd to March 15th. TWO WEEKS!!! Two weeks to get everything packed up and out of here. No problem. I love my friends. I put out a call to all of my friends and immediately it was answered. We have people coming to help pack,people to help move,people to help clean the new house and unpack, and trucks to move it in. All this just came about since last night when I found out the closing was moved up. So we are moving along quickly.

"The emphasis upon competition in modern life is connected with a general decay of civilised standards such as must have occurred in Rome after the Augustan age. Men and women appear to have become incapable of enjoying the more intellectual pleasures. The art of general conversation, the knowledge of good literature—who in our age cares for anything so leisurely?

Some American students took me walking in the spring through a wood on the borders of their campus; it was filled with exquisite wild flowers, but not one of my guides knew the name of even one of them. What use would such knowledge be? It could not add to anybody’s income.

The cure for this lies in admitting the part of sane and quiet enjoyment in a balanced ideal of life."

Bertrand Russell.

Well after much searching and praying we finally found it. Here it is our new home. I am so excited. We just went under contract today. Finally a home of our own. I can't wait to decorate it and all of that kind of fun stuff. I am so releaved that we will finally have no more landlords. It is a nice brick ranch. Only three bedrooms but plenty of room to build on  and the girls can still share a room for a few years yet. Almost an acre of yard. Only bummer is that it isn't in Candler as we had hoped but we are only 15 minutes away which is much closer than we were before. I feel like I can finally settle down. No more gypsy life of moving every year or so because our lease is up. The first six years of my sons life we moved every year. Now I can really put down roots. I hope to live in this house until I am old and grey. Thanks to all who have been praying for us. I really feel like God led us to this house. So now comes my least favorite part packing and moving. At least I know I will not have to do it again for many many years, Lord willing. WOOHOO!!!

Wow. I googled those words into a search and was amazed at what I found today. Not one listing was about or by a truly Christian housewife. All of them either made fun of Christian housewives,put us down, or told us that we don't really have to submit to our husbands or raise our children to be Godly because that is an outdated notion.  I was flabergasted. I have to wonder(I guess because I am paranoid) is this some kind of statement by google. How do they chose what order things come up on their search engine? Or are we really that much of a minority. I find sometimes that even in our churches I myself at least feel outnumbered and outdated but I know that I am doing what God has called me to do. Is it really so archaic to believe in marriage the way God believed it should be? I believe I am happy and I have a happy marriage doing it the way God intended. Is that so amazing?

I was watching Dr Phil(which I usually don't do because it makes me angry) because I was bored and they were doing a show on engagement and wether or not some of these couples should get married. There were four couples. All of which had not waited until marriage to do the marriage act it was obvious. All I kept hearing from all of these couples was me me me me. It was all about them and what the other person could do for them. One woman constantly belittled her soon to be husband in front of everyone. SAD! I felt so sorry for this man. All I could say was NO NO NO none of these people should get married. The only one's I saw with any chance of making it was the young couple who were both 19. They had the best grasp of what marriage really was and were kind to each other and loving. This was my impression I did not watch the entire show. Of course they were being told that they had no chance because they were young. They were, I felt, belittled and made fun of because they wanted to get married at a young age but to me they were the most mature people on the show.

When did marriage become all about what the other person could do for you. That is not what marriage is about. Look around you people. It is not working. I see around me so many unhappy marriages just because 1. the wife will not submit to her husband. 2. The husband will not take his rightful role as provider and protector and spiritual leader. 3. No one is willing to give in the relationship because they only care what the other is giving or not giving to them. ME ME ME. I just want to scream at these people ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

I am sorry if I am ranting but I am so tired of feeling like I am in the minority when maybe the minority has it right and I am tired of being bombarded by all this media talking about how I need more ME time and to do what I need. I can't understand why no one sees what this is doing to marriages and families.

Sorry for getting on my soapbox again.

"A mother is a person who after seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."--- Tenneva Jordan"

This is what we are making in co-ops tomorrow. It is a cookie map of the United States during the Civil War. The red are the northern states and the white are the southern states.The pink is for the territories.

I never cease to be amazed at the personal way God can answer prayer. As you may know we have been searching for a new home. Unfortunately we are on kind of a short time table.  Well we thought we had finally found a house. It was an older home and wasn’t exactly what we wanted but we thought it would do. I happen to be lucky enough to be married to a man who can do construction and home improvement so if we find a house that may need a little work that is not such a big deal to us. However, we just weren’t sure about the house. We went and looked at it twice. Something just seemed off. So of course we decided to pray about it. There had not been anything else suitable that we had seen and nothing new had come on the market at this time so really this house was our best bet. Well when we prayed about it we prayed that God would make the decision more clear. That something would happen to show us if this was the house that was meant for us. As soon as we finished praying I told David that I think we will know right away his answer. I said that there hasn’t been anything else on the market and this house has been on the market for over a year so either something else would come on the market that would be better for us or someone else would make an offer on the house. Those were my exact words immediately after praying.

The very next day our realtor sent us a listing for a house that was much better suited to our needs and later that day said that another couple was taking a second look at the house and was very interested in it. It was almost exactly what I had said the night before. Isn’t that amazing. Don’t we have an amazing God. It couldn’t have been clearer if the sky had opened and a choir started singing like always happens in the movies. I told Dave well I think we have our answer. This is not our home. So we are walking away from that house.  We will be looking at the other house tomorrow. I am so excited to see it because I just feel this will be the one. We will be praying about it tonight. I hope you will pray for us too that God will reveal to us the house that he has planned for us. I knew as soon as we were told that we had to move from this house that God already had a plan in place for us and we just had to find it.

Grace was a perfect name for her for grace personified is what she was. Classy and beautiful. And Feminine. No wonder she became a princess. She was so lovely. Now that was a role model. Now who do our daughters have to look up too. Britney Spears? Lindsey Lohan?  It seems like every young lady thinks now that she has to dress like trash to fit in. When they get into a size seven you can't find beautiful girly dresses for girls any more. Not unless you buy them at Easter and even then maybe maybe not. They even have a word for it. Prostitots. UGH!

It is a frightening thing to be the mother of two girls these days. They are bombarded from birth it seems by designers and toy makers wanting to sexualize them at younger and younger ages. Bratz dolls and clothing for example. They just look like hookers. They preach being hot even in the Bratz Babyz. Not to mention the emphasis on materialism. I was having a discussion with my mom about the difference between Barbies and Bratz with my mom. I said " at least Barbie had a job". She has been a vetranarian, an Avon Lady, a doctor, an astranaut. I would much rather my daughter play with Barbie. However, even Barbie has strayed with the My Scene dolls.

Can't we just keep our little girls little girls. With bows and ribbons and baby dolls that look like babys not tramps. Sorry if I have a different standard than that of society. Even I have slipped sometimes into the pressure myself . But no more. I want to teach my girls to carry themselves with grace and beauty. To speak softly and have concern for others. To be modest doesn't mean you have to be frumpy and formless. Look at all of the pictures from the victorian era. Many of them were completely covered yet very beautiful.

The more I try to shop for clothes the more upset I get. I went to walmart the other day and could not find one single skirt in the women's section. Not one. Have we strived so much to be like men that we can't even buy a skirt in walmart. And a long skirt like I like. Forget about it. That is why I have taken up sewing. If I can't buy what I like I will make it. And for my girls as well.

Sorry girls I don't think dressing like trash will ever land you a prince like Miss Grace Kelly.