I love our son.  I will say it again.  I love our son!  Know what else?  I love being with him. 

Okay, I will be real here.  I won't say I didn't gloat in Mike taking him to play Putt-Putt this morning so I could be by myself some and get a haircut by myself.  I really enjoyed my alone time.  The Lord and I had a nice talk.  The cat thought I was off my rocker as I walked through the house getting ready and talking (in his eyes), to myself.  But it was an uninterrupted "conversation" and I got that refreshing I needed.

After my haircut, I was waiting for Mike and DS in this area of the post lodge with lots of tables and chairs for people to sit and enjoy any assortment of goodies from the nearby bakery. In it is a very small kiddy ride similar to a merry-go-round, but on a much smaller scale.  It is for toddlers.  As I sat people-watching and basking in additional alone time, I observed a Dad come to the kiddy ride with his little boy.  I have seen this Dad and his son before. The boy couldn't be more than 2 years old, but probably is younger.  He begged for a ride.  It was apparent from the Dad's demeanor, that he was not having fun and caved to the little one's request.  He placed the little boy on one of the animals' backs and put the quarter in the machine.  The ride started.  I wish I could describe the face of that little boy.  It was absolute and pure glee and joy.  In his little mind, I think he must have been imagining being an astronaut, or a cowboy, or something like that.  It was simply precious to watch and it filled my heart with gladness and brought back many warm memories of our DS from that age.

What struck me, though, was the Dad.  He simply used the ride as a way to "check out" from dealing with his son.  Instead of sharing in his son's joy, he watched the nearby TV (which was behind him), and the game that was on.  He even kept feeding quarters into the machine to keep the ride going.  But this wasn't for his son's benefit, it was for his.   On the occasional times he did turn around, he didn't even smile at his son, but just nodded his head and said, "Yes, I see."  Nothing else.  Then he would turn his back again to watch the game.  It made me sad to realize he had missed out on a precious memory with his son.  And I felt even sadder when I watched the little boy's face go from glee and joy, to a flat expression evidently because he couldn't share his joy with his Daddy.

Don't get me wrong.  I have been there.  I have days when I hide in my bathroom because DS has literally talked for 3 solid hours and I need some quiet (feeling your pain, WaitingontheLord).  I have been there when he was a toddler and I caved to begging for some respite.  I am not saying I haven't even checked out on our DS at times.  But, I think what I saw was a Dad that isn't engaged in his son's life.   I have seen them before and this is the way it is everytime I see them.  It makes me sad.

I think God used that to remind me of one reason why I am homeschooling and why I do love being with our DS.  Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with all the choices that go along with deciding what to use for next year, etc.  I have been feeling overwhelmed with the struggle of getting our routine and schedule down before we move.  I haven't been letting God handle these issues either.  I know better than that but I, too, struggle with wanting to do things in my own power.  Bad idea, Janet.

But, God is amazingly good and gave my husband the opportunity to take our DS out this morning and give me that time.  I think He wanted me to have our conversation in quiet today.  I think He wanted me to see that little boy and his Dad.  It gave me a renewed perspective and refreshed me so that when Mike and DS came walking around the corner, I got up and ran to greet them with a smile on my face.  I could honestly say to DS, "I missed you and I'm so glad to see you!"  Even Mike commented on how much more at peace I was.

Should I tell him?  Mmmm, maybe God and I will just enjoy our secret of our special time when He spoke to me more plainly than if He had been sitting right there with me.  Thank you, God.  I needed that.