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and yet another of my facebook reposts...
Goal...to become a God Pleaser (orginally written March 16th, 2009)
Yesterday's sermon (Sunday March 15th) was about "Freedom from People Pleasing".
Being a people pleaser isn't a term that I would have necessarily used to describe myself...but part of what being a people pleaser is, is to really care what others think of you. And that is something that fits me to a T!
Growing up, I have cared what other kids thought of me, what teachers thought of me, what my parents thought of me (especially my dad), and what my grandparents thought of me (especially my grandmother). And as an adult I have also cared what other Christian's thought of me.
As I look back...some of my "fear" of what others thought of me shaped my behavior...sometimes that wasn't a bad thing. The fear of what my parents and teachers thought of me kept me from getting into trouble at school. But then there was the fear of what other kids thought of me...which lead me to make some really stupid decisions, in order to prove that I was just as "cool as they were". The fear of what other Christian's thought of me has lead me to feel guilty at times because what I allowed in my life may not have been something they would allow in theirs - and so I'd feel like I must be a horrible person if I did something that another Christian wouldn't do.
The fear of what my grandmother thought of me however, has probably caused the most damage in my life. Now don't get me wrong I love my grandmother very much. But her opinions on some things (that were both directly and indirectly related to me) have been very hurtful throughout my teen and adult years and they were a driving factor for me to always be thinking that I needed to "fix" the thing that she so "lovingly disapproved" of. I'm not sure that it will ever be "fixed" on this side of heaven...or if God even wants it to be "fixed". Not having it "fixed" might be his way of keeping me dependent on him...I don't know?
As I have gotten older and more mature in Christ I have learned to look past my grandmother's opinions and comments, and "chalk it up" to being just the way she is. And of course forgiving her (just wish I could also forget...but perhaps that won't happen for a while yet?). But it shouldn't matter to me what my grandmother thinks of me or anyone else for that matter. What God thinks of me is much more important - and he doesn't look at the outward appearance, but what's in the heart. For the longest time I was afraid that the things that my grandmother thought were important for me to change...were also what God thought was important for me to change. That because I didn't live up to this image of what my grandmother thought I should be, that somehow I didn't live up to the image of what God thought I should be either. Maybe this is why whenever I have tried to "fix" this thing...I was never really successful...simply because I wasn't really seeking what God thought was important.
In the past year or so, I have been more focused on what God thinks is important for me (not that I wasn't ever been concerned with what other people thought during this time...but it didn't seem quite as important)...and I've been trying to move forward in those things. Especially writing what God lays on my heart to write about. More and more lately I have been reminded of how different each of us are...how the experiences we go thru, the people in our lives, the circumstances we face all have a part in shaping us into who we are. We can never experience someone elses life - we can observe and be a part of it and even relate to someone elses experiences in some ways, but we can never be them. That's good tho...for God created us all to be different -
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
1 Corinthians 12: 12-26 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
The 1 Corinthians passage in particular has been one that I hold on to, because it tells me that I don't have to "look like" anyone else. I can be who I am in Christ. That there isn't some Christian "one size fits all" mold that I have to conform to. And that if I am striving to do what God has prepared in advance for me to do as it says in the Ephesians verse - it would be foolish of me to do something different to try to please someone else.
Then comes the issue of pride - I have to be careful of what I think about myself.
Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
For myself, not only should I not think of myself more highly than I ought, but also I should not think of myself more lowly than I ought. One of the things from yesterday's sermon that I personally need to consider more closely is the difference between examining myself and judging myself. I tend to lean toward more of the judging myself (thinking more lowly than I ought) . There have been times when because of circumstances, or a comment someone has made whether well intentioned or not, has lead me to "beat myself up" or as I've heard Joyce Meyer say - cause me to have "stinkin' thinkin'"! And when I'm wallowing in some pity party about how horrible I am because of what somone else thinks...I'm not doing God one bit of good. What I need to do instead is to examine what's in my heart...hold it up against the Word of God (which is what he thinks by the way!). And ask him as it says in Psalm 139:23 & 24...
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I need to allow him to do the judging...not let others or myself be my judge. Sometimes, even when God is trying to correct something in my own heart and life, I need to NOT take over what God is trying to do and "beat myself up". I know I am so guilty of making God's discipline way more difficult than it needs to be sometimes when if I would just submit to his loving gentle ways things would go a whole lot smoother...and I would achieve that goal of being a God Pleaser instead of a people pleaser.
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