Goal...to become a God Pleaser (orginally written March 16th, 2009)

Yesterday's sermon (Sunday March 15th) was about "Freedom from People Pleasing".

Being a people pleaser isn't a term that I would have necessarily used to describe myself...but part of what being a people pleaser is, is to really care what others think of you. And that is something that fits me to a T!

Growing up, I have cared what other kids thought of me, what teachers thought of me, what my parents thought of me (especially my dad), and what my grandparents thought of me (especially my grandmother). And as an adult I have also cared what other Christian's thought of me.

As I look back...some of my "fear" of what others thought of me shaped my behavior...sometimes that wasn't a bad thing. The fear of what my parents and teachers thought of me kept me from getting into trouble at school. But then there was the fear of what other kids thought of me...which lead me to make some really stupid decisions, in order to prove that I was just as "cool as they were". The fear of what other Christian's thought of me has lead me to feel guilty at times because what I allowed in my life may not have been something they would allow in theirs - and so I'd feel like I must be a horrible person if I did something that another Christian wouldn't do.

The fear of what my grandmother thought of me however, has probably caused the most damage in my life. Now don't get me wrong I love my grandmother very much. But her opinions on some things (that were both directly and indirectly related to me) have been very hurtful throughout my teen and adult years and they were a driving factor for me to always be thinking that I needed to "fix" the thing that she so "lovingly disapproved" of. I'm not sure that it will ever be "fixed" on this side of heaven...or if God even wants it to be "fixed". Not having it "fixed" might be his way of keeping me dependent on him...I don't know?

As I have gotten older and more mature in Christ I have learned to look past my grandmother's opinions and comments, and "chalk it up" to being just the way she is. And of course forgiving her (just wish I could also forget...but perhaps that won't happen for a while yet?). But it shouldn't matter to me what my grandmother thinks of me or anyone else for that matter. What God thinks of me is much more important - and he doesn't look at the outward appearance, but what's in the heart. For the longest time I was afraid that the things that my grandmother thought were important for me to change...were also what God thought was important for me to change. That because I didn't live up to this image of what my grandmother thought I should be, that somehow I didn't live up to the image of what God thought I should be either. Maybe this is why whenever I have tried to "fix" this thing...I was never really successful...simply because I wasn't really seeking what God thought was important.

In the past year or so, I have been more focused on what God thinks is important for me (not that I wasn't ever been concerned with what other people thought during this time...but it didn't seem quite as important)...and I've been trying to move forward in those things. Especially writing what God lays on my heart to write about. More and more lately I have been reminded of how different each of us are...how the experiences we go thru, the people in our lives, the circumstances we face all have a part in shaping us into who we are. We can never experience someone elses life - we can observe and be a part of it and even relate to someone elses experiences in some ways, but we can never be them. That's good tho...for God created us all to be different -

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

1 Corinthians 12: 12-26 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.


The 1 Corinthians passage in particular has been one that I hold on to, because it tells me that I don't have to "look like" anyone else. I can be who I am in Christ. That there isn't some Christian "one size fits all" mold that I have to conform to. And that if I am striving to do what God has prepared in advance for me to do as it says in the Ephesians verse - it would be foolish of me to do something different to try to please someone else.

Then comes the issue of pride - I have to be careful of what I think about myself.

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

For myself, not only should I not think of myself more highly than I ought, but also I should not think of myself more lowly than I ought. One of the things from yesterday's sermon that I personally need to consider more closely is the difference between examining myself and judging myself. I tend to lean toward more of the judging myself (thinking more lowly than I ought) . There have been times when because of circumstances, or a comment someone has made whether well intentioned or not, has lead me to "beat myself up" or as I've heard Joyce Meyer say - cause me to have "stinkin' thinkin'"! And when I'm wallowing in some pity party about how horrible I am because of what somone else thinks...I'm not doing God one bit of good. What I need to do instead is to examine what's in my heart...hold it up against the Word of God (which is what he thinks by the way!). And ask him as it says in Psalm 139:23 & 24...

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I need to allow him to do the judging...not let others or myself be my judge. Sometimes, even when God is trying to correct something in my own heart and life, I need to NOT take over what God is trying to do and "beat myself up". I know I am so guilty of making God's discipline way more difficult than it needs to be sometimes when if I would just submit to his loving gentle ways things would go a whole lot smoother...and I would achieve that goal of being a God Pleaser instead of a people pleaser.

God is God and I am not... (originally written March 12, 2009 at 3:01am)

Once again sleep seems to be an elusive thing...and so I'm praying about things that boggle the mind...and still not sure really how to pray exactly. Other than I am asking God to intervene and make things right. Thinking back to my last note about Philippians, (did I really only write that on Tuesday?) and it seems that already I'm faced with the fact that I have to remind myself about what I wrote! Talk about a test where God seems to be saying "here, lets see if you really meant what you said". And I begin to wonder if I truly am capable of practicing rejoicing, and thinking about all the "whatever is..." traits while another cloud of darkness rolls in...and all these other thoughts try to worm their way into my mind. Yet, God is faithful and always provides a way of escape.

1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

And my escape came in the form of another song. God seems to speak to me thru music quite a lot lately...and this particular one was a reminder to me that it's okay that I don't know. It's okay that I am uncertain about some stuff. As long as I am always certain about the fact that God is God and I am not. I can't see everything...or understand the why of everything...but I can rest assured that HE can see everything, HE does understand the why of everything and HE is in absolute control of it all. And so even tho my flesh tends to just keep dwelling on the negative thoughts...I am with the help of Jesus going to take them captive one by one and choose to rejoice in who HE is...which is HOLY, MIGHTY, LOVING and MERCIFUL!

God is God by Steven Curtis Chapman

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable
For to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

I haven't found much time to blog here lately, but there have been several notes that I've put up on Facebook this past month so I'm reposting them here...

Thinking about Philippians 4:4-9

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

This has always been one of my favorite passages in Philippians...or maybe even the whole bible. It tells me that no matter what is happening around me, I need to be rejoicing in the Lord and focusing on the things that are good. Sometimes that is SOOOOO very hard to do. Especially for me - one who enjoys a good VENTING! But, sometimes the very thing that I need most when I'm in a difficult situation or seeing people around me hurting and in despair - PEACE - doesn't come from the venting, but from - REJOICING - the thinking and focusing on the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy things...and giving all that I am anxious about to God in prayer and petition with thanksgiving. It's at that point that the peace of God comes and guards (protects) my heart and mind.

And I think about the phrase in vs. 9 "put it into practice". To practice something means to keep doing something over and over again until it becomes easy...like second nature to you. So if thinking on the things that are good seems hard to me, then I guess I need to practice it more. Sometimes I feel like "venting" is necessary for me to get all the garbage out of the way. I have a hard time trying to decided if it's really a step I need to take sometimes or if my actions are in fact going in the opposite direction of Philippians 2:14 -15...

14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Is there a point where I just legitimately "need to get things off my chest" so that I can move on to bigger and better things. Or am I really just giving in to complaining and arguing? I'm not sure I know the answer to that. But a lot of times, the venting does clear my thoughts of the yucky things and allows me to refocus and see the things that are good so that I can rejoice. Does it always happen immediately after the venting? No, for me it can take time...there may be a lot of pent up garbage that has settled in for whatever reason, and it might take me days, weeks or months of shoveling it out (my vent outlet of choice as those who know me well is of course writing) so that I can begin to truely rejoice again.

I think that I may be at that point in my life now. There have been some hard times in the recent months and I have vented a lot - not necessarily publically - and now I am feeling like most of the gunk has been removed and I am ready to rejoice again. Yeah I know it said to Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS...and in the midst of some difficult stuff it was REALLY hard to do that...and I'm sure that I failed miserably at it. But I did have moments when God would come shining thru the darkness and I would praise him in those glimpses of light. Again my thoughts come back to the practice aspect of rejoicing and thinking on the good stuff...and I wonder if the more I practice this in the light, when darkness threatens again, it just might be that much easier to rejoice in the Lord when that darkness looms overhead. And you know what they say about practice right? Practice makes perfect!

So...practice, practice, practice!!! That will be my motto for a while I think :-)

And finally my 3rd repost from facebook.  This was originally written on Feb 23, 2009...so references to time in this note were in relation to that date...

Every once in a while (more often that I'd like) I can get down on myself...seriously feeling like I will never be good enough. And I have such a hard time trying to balance on this fine line of faith vs. works...you know faith without works is dead, works without faith is worthless...and when to decide how much is enough and when to just step back and let the Grace of God carry me. There is this longing within me to be better than I am...but I fail miserably at it. Lately there has been a lot said on the "Fire of God" and I would love for God's fire within me to burn consistantly - blazing and pure - but, alas it fluxuates...not because of God necessarily, but because of me. And so I go thru periods of time when I'm not doing all that I should and the flame begins to subside. I don't know if I will ever "get it right" in this life...but I am thankful and trusting that my God loves me and is not going to let the flame be snuffed out.

Last night was one of those nights when after a day where little things were said here and there by different people - none of which by themselves were really a problem at all - but by the end of the day they had built up and finally sent me "over the edge" and together all of it left me feeling like everything I do or don't do was selfish, uncaring, lazy and foolish. Now granted some of those thoughts may be more true than I'd like them to be...and I so I don't want to just dismiss them as lies. Yet, I'm not sure how to tell the difference sometimes between what might be a lie and what is a real call to change my attitude and behavior...and with the latter, I'm not sure how to change exactly, so that I'm not just "doing" for the sake of doing...SIGH.

Anyway, I was reminded of a song...I think it says things pretty clearly, and once again it took my focus off myself...off my weaknesses and shortcomings and put it back where my focus should be, which is on Jesus! 


Definition of Me by Steven Curtis Chapman

Here come those words again
I run for cover, I’m dodging them.
But still they seem to find their way
around my best defense
Here come those little thoughts
of all I ought to be but I’m not
I try talking to myself
but I’m still not convinced
I’m good, I’m bad, I’m everything in between oh
I’m this, I’m that, but really God we both know

It is Your love that defines me
and Your love that reminds me
it’s not what I do
This life I live, You have given
and in You I am hidden
This is what I know is true
that the definition of me is You

This ladder never ends
I climb up then I slide down again
Still they say you’ve not arrived
until you reach the top
But Your kingdom’s upside down
it is the servant who wears the crown
First is last and last is first
and You’re all that I’m not
‘Cause I’m weak, You’re strong, I’m empty ‘til You fill me
I sing this song to keep myself remembering

It is Your love that defines me
and Your love that reminds me
it’s not what I do
This life I live, You have given
and in You I am hidden
This is what I know is true
that the definition of me is You

I have been made by You
I have been saved by You
All that I am is all because of You
I’m weak, You’re strong, I’m empty but You fill me
I’m singing this song to keep myself remembering

It is Your love that defines
and Your love that reminds me
it’s not what I do
This life I live You have given
and in You, I am hidden
This is what I know is true
that the definition of me is You