It has been a while since I blogged. Too long. When I log on and begin to write, I feel like anxiety and tensions are being swept away.

As I write tonight, my husband and I are baking  for a Labor Day Picnic. I can smell the sweet smell of cookies as he opens the oven door. What a wonderful scent!

I can't help but think of my best friend, who has an amazing knack for knowing when her baked goods are ready to come out of the oven simply by the smell! I'm not quite that talented, but I can definately tell if I've left them too long! As wonderful as baking cookies can smell, burning them can sure stink up the kitchen!

I think that as a wife and mother, I also have an aroma, and not just because I have or have not had suffient time for personal hygiene!. I think my attitudes and actions give off a kind of "scent" to those around me. When I choose to behave in a loving and gentle manner, pleasantness surrounds my husband and children like the smell of fresh baked goods. When I let myself get "burnt out" and reflect the stress in my attitude, I think my husband and children are the first ones to get a whiff of the burned.

I pray that I can remember to "make myself beautiful" (and "smell" beautiful) by following the advice found in 1 Peter  3:4,  which asks us women to adorn ourselves with the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I pray, too, with the psalmist in Psalm 19:14, who wrote, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

As long as I stick to these(and other) Biblical "recipies",  I should come out smelling fine.

     Raising our kids on one full-time and one part-time income has been a challenge in this two-income world. I'll admit there are times when I have considered putting the boys in the school down the street so that I can get a job that pays better, but then I have never been able to bring myself to do that.

     To me, homeschooling provides many more benefits for my children than the stuff I could get them if I had a full time job. In fact, I have recently decided that raising your children without the benefits of an abundant supply of money can be a valuable experience for them.

     Doubtful? Well, it was for me. As the daughter of a small town pastor and a teacher who was mostly a stay-at-home mom, money was never flowing heartily in my direction. For many years, my family lived in an old, cold, parsonage and ate vegatables from church members garden, as well as "commidities" the local people received and decided to give to the pastor. (I'm still not sure what some of that stuff was!) We were always fed and clothed, though, and the memories of my childhood are precious. My mother was around when I needed her, and I was proud to be the daughter of a hard-working pastor. I appreciated the value of money, and learned the senselessness of being greedy.

     So, maybe my kids are not only okay even though I'm not out bringing in the dough, maybe they are actually better off. Unlike some of their peers, they are very grateful for what they are given. They have learned the value of saving for something they really want. Because I am with them every day, I have been able to teach them to speak and act respectfully. This is also something that I see is sadly lacking among many (but certainly not all) of their public school peers. Teaching them how to make bread at home to save money might actually be better for my kids than trying to be a successful bread-winner.

     Don't get me wrong, I'm not against having money. In fact, I am always looking for ways that I can bring income into our household without compromising my ability to be a home educator. But I have decided that if I can't give my kids the latest video game system, or cross-country vacations to see Mickey, or even the best brands of shoes or clothes, than I can use those circumstances to teach many valuable lessons. I  can teach them contentment, stewardship, and gratefulness. I think those lessons are priceless! 

It is a beautiful day in southwest Missouri! The sun is shining, and the kids are outdoors enjoying the nice weather. I can hear their voices from my seat in the kitchen, laughing and playing with a neighbor from next door.

A recent tragedy in a friend's life causes me to remember that it is a gift that my children are alive, healthy and in my home for me to guard and teach each day.

Because I am with these precious little guys a lot, it can be easy for me to take them for granted, and to get irritated with them over silly little things. I sigh when I could just give a hug. I nod, absent minded when I might be missing a precious moment with my fast growing boys.

Not today! Today I am getting off this computer and going out to enjoy the weather with my children. When I hear those familar giggles, I will silently thank God for so great a gift as this: two silly boys and one sunny day.

Recently, my husband and I came to a decision:  it is not yet time for us to become foster parents. The desire to help these children is as strong as ever, but we feel that God is directing us to wait.

It sounds weird, or even somewhat mystical to say that "God is directing us to wait." "Wait for what?" you might think.

I'm not trying to be weird, but I believe that God can give us a sense of direction, if we trust him. I have a few areas in my life that I would like to improve before I make such a huge commitment.

We are already decent human beings who are patient with children and know how to trust God, so taking a child now might seem reasonable when there is such a need. However, when that first child enters my home, I want to know in my heart that we are ready for the awesome responsibilty God has placed on us. So, we wait.

I also believe that God has perfect timing. It is a possibility that He has a child in mind for us who is either not in foster care yet, or not ready to be placed in our home. I want to truly "trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)

So although I really want to help kids in need, and I'm looking forward to the day when I have a little girl in the house, I will wait. I trust you, Lord.

My dryer has died. I mourn it's death immeasurably, since I will have to scrimp, save and pray hard for it's replacement. With a fridge that is also not likely to be with us much longer, it makes me wonder: Should I put the kids in the school down the street and try to seek some gainful employment so that when a household appliance goes on the fritz, I can shrug my shoulders and say "No big deal!"?

I've thought about it, but I just can't do it! I remind myself that if this is what God has called me to do, than he will equip me. I believe that God can help me replace my dryer, but even if he doesn't, I need to be faithful to what God has asked of me.

Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego had a much bigger problem than I have in Daniel (chapter three). They had a king who was about to throw them into a furnace for being faithful to God and refusing to worship the king's idol. I love the statement they made when the king confronted them: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)

Wow! Now that is faith! My challenge is nothing compared to being bar-b-qued! Well, I am with you, Shadrach! Thanks for the inspiration, Meschach and Abednego. Because I still feel like God  has called me to stay home and take care of my kids, I will not let financial challenges or even the economy make me back down. Instead, I say, "My God is able to give me new appliances, but even if he doesn't, I will still stay home to teach my children!"

I know that not everyone can stay home with their kids. What others can and will do in this matter is entirely between them, their spouse, and the Lord, and not for me to judge. I just feel this is where I am supposed to be!

Thank you, Lord for all your blessings! I trust you!

My children and I had a frustrating day yesterday. I was not very happy with their behavior, but perhaps my attitude needed some adjusting as well. School didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked because we had to spend so much time with "character training".

I have to expect to have days like that. Because we homeschool, my children and I spend a lot of time together, so there are going to be days when we get on each others nerves. Though this is probably a normal experience for homeschoolers, I had to remind myself that I set the tone in this home. My children will be tense if I am tense. If I get upset, they are likely to get upset too.

In the end, we sat down calmly and had a good talk. They listened to what I had to say, and I listened to them. I was able to purposely create a peaceful atmosphere, even though the discussion was very serious.

As mothers, especially for those of us at home full time, we need to remember to be intentional about our attitudes and actions. Our children are not only studying math and language, they are studying us!

2009 is almost here! It's time to blog my New Years Resolutions.

1) I want to draw closer to God. That's a given. We should always be striving to know God better.

2)I want to stop procrastinating so much. I 've been putting off working on this for a long time!

3) I want to loose weight. I know this is almost a cliche' for the average American House wife, but I have average American thunder thighs! Actually, what I really want is to improve my overall health.

4) I want to cut down on the chaos at home. I don't care if my house is perfect, but I would like it to be suitable if someone drops by.

5) I want to be the best wife and mommy I can be.

6) I want to keep my New Years Resolutions longer than a month!

What's your New Years Resolutions? I'd love to here about them! Comment below!

Okay, homeschooling moms, how do you do it? We have to play so many roles: teacher, mother, counselor, nurse, etc. Then you have to remember that before you were a mother, you were a wife, and that relationship is even more important to maintain. After all, when the kids are grown, it's down to you and your husband! You should have an idea who he is!

Also, you are a housewife, a homemaker, what some call the heart of the family! This is such a struggle for me! I want to maintain a peaceful, orderly home, but how do you do that on already busy days when 1) you are not naturally organized and 2) you considered cleaning about as fun as getting your teeth pulled.

We should also consider that many homeschool moms have some sort of side job-like selling cookware or make-up, running a website, or babysitting (like I do). Perhaps you also have a personal dream. I'd like to write professionally some day.

You also have to make sure you are keeping good records for your homeschool, get your kids to things they are involved with, and of course, be involved in your church.

I love all of these things! They are a joy and a privelege, but sometimes, I have trouble finding the right balance. If the house needs attention, do you cut down on the school load to get the laundry done, or do you stick to your school plans and fit in doing laundry as you have time?  Should you ever stay home from church to clean the house or catch up on record keeping?

I want to be that ideal bread baking, apron-clad wife who never uses paper plates, with a clean house and clean children who know all the capitals of the 50 states and all the presidents and are starting Algebra in the 4th grade. I know, it unrealistic! (However, I've seen some of the other blogs on this site, and some of you seem to be doing it all.)

Perhaps as the New Year approaches, I should set more realistic goals with the idea of  "balance" in mind! After all, Supermom doesn't really exist!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I naturally ask myself, as most do, "What am I thankful for?" Here is what I have come up with this year.

I am thankful that God is always with me. He never promised me that he would give me everything I asked for, or that I would be wealthy if I followed Him, or even that life would always be easy, but he did promise that He would never leave me. He never has.

I am thankful for my sweet husband and two precious boys. They are my world. Every day with them is a precious gift!

I am thankful for the time I had with my grandmother, who recently passed away at age ninety-five. She was an incredible lady who will not be forgotten. I miss her, but I am happy for the time I had with her and look forward to seeing her again in heaven.

I am thankful for my other family members and some wonderful friends. God has placed amazing people in my life and I am so grateful!

I am thankful for my church, and the opportunities that God has given me to minister to others as a part of my church. I am thankful that I belong to a church who sees the needs of those around us and endevors to do something about those needs.

I am thankful for the home and comforts that I may sometimes take for granted, and will pray tonight for those who are going without those things.

I am thankful for the freedom I have to live and worship God in the way I wish, and to educate my children. May I never take that freedom for granted, and may I pray daily for the leaders who make decisions that affect my freedom.

Thank you, Lord, for all you have given me. I am blessed.

     Do you have a best friend? When you hear the term "best friend" you may flash back to that girl with the braids that made the fourth grade the "most funnest year ever!" However, I think that adults sometimes underestimate the value of having their own best friend.

     I am blessed to have just such a friend in Elizabeth, an amazingly talented Italian North Easterner transplanted right here in good 'ole Missouri. I met her in 1993, during my freshman year of Bible College when we were both very young and full of dreams. We have had the opportunity during the last fifteen years to rejoice with each other as some of those dreams came true. We have also cried together when life took some unexpected and unwanted turns. Best of all, we have prayed together.

     I call her when I need someone who will pray with me immediately, and I also call her for no reason other than I'm a girl who likes to talk.

     I always know I can count on Elizabeth when I really need her. She is the best "Auntie" my kids could dream of having and has baby-sat for me so many times that she deserves a baby-sitting medal.  Whether it's help cleaning the clutter out of my closet, listening to an earful of whining (which my sweet husband appreciates, since it sometimes saves him from having to hear it, too), or having my whole family over for platefuls of lasagna, she seems to know what I need before I even ask her.

     Recently, after watching Elizabeth and I help each other and laugh together, a woman commented to me,"I wish I had a friendship like that!" 

"We liked each other instantly when we met," I explained, "but we weren't always as close as we are now. Friendships like this take a lot of time to build."

     As blessed as I am to have Elizabeth in my life, I have to ask myself, "What am I doing to cultivate other Godly friendships?"

     In Galatians 6:2 (KJV) we are told to "Bear one another's burdens and so fullfill the law of Christ." The Christians in the early church set an example of living in a close knit community. "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." (Acts 2:42, NIrV) It seems God wants us to be good friends with other believers, to pray together, eat together, and talk about Him with each other.

     Sometimes I get so wrapped up in homeschooling and all of the great programs and projects that we get involved in that it can be easy to forget to actually "see" the people around me. God has placed people in my life for a purpose, and it would be wrong not to cultivate the relationships that God wants to bless me with, as well as use me to bless others. Sometimes, I feel nervous when I think about inviting someone to my home. I don't want to inconvenience them. Why? What if they really want to get to know me, but feel the same way?

     Lord, help me to really see the people you have placed in my life. Help me to celebrate when others are blessed, and to be sad with those who are hurting. Thank you, God, for such a wonderful gift: the friendship of others.

It was the last day our local public swimming pool would be open this year. My eight year old sat at the top of the water slide, gripping the sides of the slide with white knuckles and a look of terror. He was crying. Loudly. I stood near him, trying to talk him through the experience. "You can do this," I said. "If you do it once, you'll love it!"

"I want to, but I'm afraid!" he cried. 

 "Then just do it afraid." I told him.

I looked down below us at the line of children waiting for thier turn. "You either have to go down the slide now, or get off so that others can have a turn," I told him.

I thought he would get off. I was actually suprised he had agreed to get in line. He isn't the bold, "I love a new experience" kind of kid. However, I also knew that if he could just give it try, he would not only find it fun, but gain some confidence as well.

"If I get off, could I try it later?" he asked.

"No, if your going to try it, do it now." I said. He tends to be a procrastinator (like his mother), but I knew it would be hard to get him back up there if he went down the steps. "If you don't try it, you might wish you did for the rest of the year."

"It's the last day, Buddy!" said the lifeguard, who had been so patient with us.

To my suprise, my son looked at the slide and said, "Okay, I'll go." With his permission, I gave him a little push and down the slide he went, where my husband was waiting for him at the end. He went down that slide again and again after that. He loved it! He couldn't get enough of it!

Some might say my little boy is timid and fearful, but I say that he is very brave. You see, I don't think that having courage means that you don't feel fear, but rather that you don't let your fear stop you from doing what's right, or good, or even fun, like the waterslide.

As adults, we often are given opportunities that deep down inside we know that we would love if we gave it a try. We sit, white knuckled, afraid to go down the "waterslides" in our lives.

Tonight, I want to examine my own life, to see if I am allowing fear to keep me from something God has for me. Jeremiah states, " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (29:11) If I am afraid to follow the Lord's plans, then that's okay. I'll just do it afraid, because, just like I knew my little boy would love the waterslide, my heavenly Father has the best plans for me.

I have 1001 things to do and yet I sit here at this silly computer writing a blog which reaches an awe inspiring span of about 1-5 people. That's called procrastination. I am the master of procrastination. Why do today what you can rush through next week? Have you ever went about your daily life with a general attitude of irritation, only to discover after some self-reflection that the person you are irritated with is you?

I hate it when that happens.

The fact that I procrastinate irritates me to no end, and yet I continually find myself repeating the offensive habit.  However, I am not alone. When Jesus asked his closest friends to pray with him before the crucifixion, he walked away for a little while only to return and find them sleeping. That is when he gave them (and me) this advice, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak." (Matt 26:41, NIV)

So, if I would strengthen my prayer life and watch my attitude, I think that I might be better equipped to resist the temptations in my life.

Sure, you might think that procrastinating isn't one of what most consider a "big" sin like stealing, lying, or cheating, but I tend to think that sin has a lot to do with our attitudes and the condition of our hearts and minds. When I put off things that need to be done, I start to feel overwhelmed as projects and housework began to pile up. As dishes pile on my counter or laundry becomes a small mountain, so does my irritation. I get snippy with my children. I get defensive with my husband. I find myself experiencing a shortage of fruit-the fruit of the Spirit, that is. I may lack self-control or joy in my attitude.  My home lacks peace and I get short on patience. My procrastination has led to sin. I have sucumbed to weakness.

However, the Bible brings me healing and comfort. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 we find that God's message to Paul can bring hope to us all: "My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Perhaps today's blogging session wasn't all bad. Perhaps, God used my weakness to teach me a lesson. I can accomplish more today than I thought I could, not through my own power, but through His!

The process of becoming a foster parent can be overwhelming at times! They need fingerprints and forms and physicals and so much- sometimes I expect them to say, "And, what color is your underwear?"

Of course, the questions aren't that invasive, but still, it's quite an intro into the "your life is an open book" way of living that foster parents must endure as caretakers of a ward of the state.

You may be wondering, "Why do it?" Isn't it almost contrary to the ideals held by many homeschoolers to allow the state access to my home on a regular basis? It seems an even stranger choice when you consider that, if I receive a school-age child, I will not be allowed to homeschool him/her. Only if/when a child becomes legally free and we are granted adoption will we have the right to homeschool that child.

I have two answers as to why I want to be a foster parent and a homeschooling parent.

1.  I am proud of my homeschoolers. My children are living proof that there is no educational neglect in this house. They are learning to love to learn. Perhaps a caseworker, guardian at litem, or CASA volunteer will leave my home with a different perspective on homeschooling than they had once assumed.

2.  The children need me. When you look into the eyes of a foster child in need, it's hard to be selfish. These children need to know what living in a normal, well-adjusted family is like. Even if they return home to chaos, I will know that the children who came through my door know what it is like to have a family that loves each other, prays together, talks to each other, and enjoys being together. They will see what it is like to be in a family that trusts God, and will be given the opportunity to get to know God on a personal basis.

So, if they want to know the color of my underwear, I guess I'll tell them. It's not really about them anyway. Jesus said, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." (Mark 9:37, NIV)

My six year old boy is delightfully, and sometimes not so delightfully, truthful. After watching a comericial for hair color featuring a tall, leggy, blond woman,  he remarked to his father, "That's what I want my mom to look like!" (Ouch!) We had to talk about that.

One day my single friend said that she liked to talk a lot. Jared looked at her with his big, blue, innocent eyes and said, "Well, you must talk to yourself, because you live alone. I have a family at my house, but you don't." (Yikes!) We had to talk about that, too.

He isn't like that all the time. Sometimes the sweetest  or cutest things come out of his mouth. Once he said, "If God were made of chocolate, I would not eat God, but I would lick his elbow."

Life is a fantastic adventure with my little guy in tow. I never know what he is going to say! He may embarass me at times, but most of the time I am an unbelievably proud momma.

Yes, we are teaching him to be careful about what he says, although it may take some time before he can filter the "hurtful remarks" from his "interesting thoughts". That's okay, because anyone who has spent any time with him knows his cutting remarks are not malicious.

I think homeschooling parents have a very special privledge: We really know our kids. We know what's going on with them everyday. We know what kind of character our kids display because not only do we see it every day, but we are making a deliberate effort to shape it. I have the time with my little guy that I need to teach him to share his feelings but still speak in love. I don't have to worry that his teacher allows or even teaches the children to speak or act in a way that I would find inappropriate.

This is my precious gift from God: time with my children!

Today is a great day! After months and months of looking, we have found a three bedroom house to rent. We are moving in a month!

God in his wisdom has helped us find a new home at the perfect time. We are a few weeks away from finishing our foster parenting classes and my young brother-in-law (who lived with us for a while) is happy  doing well at Mingo Job Corp. So we are excited about the possibilities of the near future!

It gets crazy in our house sometimes. In addition to homeschooling our two sons, ages eight and six, we often babysit other children. Babies. Toddlers. Big kids. We take them all. We fill our tiny home with the sounds of rambutious little ones. We absolutely love kids, but sometimes, I think our little place will burst at the seams!

As if this wasn't enough, my husband and I, with the support of our boys, have decided to become foster parents. You see, we used to be Children's Pastors, and we have always said that taking children into our home would really be the ultimate children's ministry.

Since leaving full time ministry for personal reasons, my husband has worked as a social worker with the mentally ill. I hold down the fort at home, often teaching lessons with a toddler or two underfoot, perhaps a baby on my hip, and trying very hard not to become one of the mentally ill!

I have the best boys! They are polite, well-behaved, helpful, and thoughtful. My husband is purposefully teaching them to be gentlemen. They open doors for me and other ladies. They help carry in the groceries.  They help with little ones in the house.

My house is small (although we are looking for a larger place) and our budget is often tight. It's a struggle sometimes to keep everything organized. (My lack of space collides with my creative yet messy personality to create chaos at least once a week) Yet, still, I'm so grateful and happy to spend each day with my boys. I delight in being a blessing to other families by taking good care of thier children. Tonight, as I lounged in my boy's room reading to them about the adventerous Box Car Children, I was really glad that I get to be the one to teach them to read, to write, to love books and love to learn.

Thank you, Lord, for a crazy house with sticky, loud, sweet, inquesitive, precious children!