Oh friends. Let me tell you I have had my eyes opened yet once again. Last night at my Bible Study I shared something with the group that had "hit" me this week in the study and it didn't come out right and I was so embarrassed. First let me say what hit me. I have been feeling rather worn out this week, just tired and like everything I'm trying to do just isn't enough. I know you probably all know what I'm talking about here. So in the book it had us look up this verse: John 15:16 "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you."

It just hit me at the exact right time...HE CHOSE ME! HE CHOSE YOU!

So, back to my embarrassment. I was saying how when I read that verse I needed it so badly. I was feeling like such a failure in the area of housekeeping and parenting. I said to the group that I didn't understand why God gave me my three daughters. Everyone gasped. However my words came out I believe they took it as "why in the world did He have to give me these three girls" which is in no way what I intended. But as usual, my words didn't come out like they felt in my heart. So I quickly said that I meant I will never understand why He thought I was good enough for them. You know what I'm saying here friends? What a gift and I feel so unworthy of them. What treasures they are.

I wanted to crawl under the table and hide and cry the rest of the night. I had already come to the meeting last night with such an emptiness inside and broken heart that I was just so open and ready for the Spirit to speak to me and use the ladies to teach me. I believe I'm the youngest one in there. There are other younger women but mostly they are of an age where they could be my mom or grandma...so I know there is a lot of combined wisdom and learning in that room!

After I finished my little "testimony" of how the Lord spoke to me in the lessons last week the speaker said to us something to the effect of "Satan conDEMNS but the Lord conVICTS". See the difference there friends? Oh that was it. That was my moment. That's what the Lord had for me last night. I didn't really gather too much spectacular information the rest of the night...though I did learn a lot of interesting and beautiful facts that connected the Old Testament to the New Testament and just how perfect God created everything and linked everything in the Bible together so that it would ALL come full circle.

But that's what I needed last night. My feelings of failing over and over and over and the feeling of just giving up and crawling inside myself and just letting things be as they may is not of God. It is of Satan. He had condemned me and was getting my heart right where he wanted it...ruined and hopeless.

BUT

PRAISE THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY! Today I am renewed and re-directed. I see that Jesus Christ my Saviour has chosen me! He has delivered me! He has forgiven me! And so today I am crying out "Hosannah, Hosannah, Hosannah" which I learned literally means "Save now" or "Send our Messiah". I feel it so deeply in me today. Just come now Lord. I want to see Jesus.Oh I pray I feel that urgency every day of my life, to see my Lord, to meet my Maker, to fall at His feet and weep for joy!