Yes. I'm sorry. Anyone who actually read my blog. I've been MIA. It's been the story of my life for the past few months it feels like. Everything I should be doing...I'm not. I've been lazy. I don't know what's gotten into me?

However, I am the only one who can change my behavior so I'm going to take ownership of my time and with the Lord's help get back on track. I have been a firm believer that if my day is going to be productive, it has to start right! I have figured out that it doesn't matter what time it is or how much sleep I've had, I just plain do not like to get out of bed. Eric could vouch for the fact that hundreds of times I have set my alarm only to turn it off. I go to bed with good intentions, but they never pan out.

This morning as I was checking a couple of my favorite blogs, I found this post at Biblical Womanhood which has totally encouraged me to change my routine...or lack therof.

My current time-wasters and life suckers are TV and the Computer. I waste hours each day staring at these screens. I dread looking back on my life 20 years from now and regretting wasting my time and not spending more of it doing more with my children, better managing my home, etc.

From the above linked post, I found this one she had written last year and that linked to this post by Tammy where I realized, my schedule attempts have probably all failed because I started with too much. I love how Tammy just wrote the basics and then over time the rest can be filled in.

So, I am going to try that way this time. I have to start somewhere, and my nature is to dive in head first, but I think in this matter, I'm going to stick my toes in to start. Alright, here it is. I'm going to start this tomorrow. Except it will have to be a loosely followed schedules because we aren't always home all day...like tomorrow  and Wednesday  and Thursday or Friday this week .

5:45	Wake Up & give Eric kisses on his way out the door to work.
	Shower, Dress, Wipe down Bathroom counters, sink, & toilet, & floor
7:00-7:30	Girls usually wake up & eat breakfast
	After breakfast, I'd like them to get dressed, brush teeth & hair, make their beds
9:00	School
12:00	Lunch
1:00	Nap/Rest Time
5:30 or 6:00	Eat Dinner
7:00	Start Bedtime Routine & Girls to bed by 7:45'ish

After some deep thought and prayer, I feel I can better explain my feelings on living a simpler life. As simple as it seems, I think what I'm looking for is only found in a deeper and closer walk with my Lord. Yes, I would love to have an old country home on rolling acres of tall grass that blows in the wind and lots of woods my sweetie can go out back and hunt in and a rolling stream we can fish in. I can see the red plaid curtains blowing in the summer breeze that are hanging from my kitchen windows above the sink. I can picture lots of things in my mind that mean "simplicity" to me but nothing compares to the joy of knowing our Lord.

So, for now, while He calls us to remain in this home, I will embark on a journey to find joy in the simple things He beckons me to do. Foremost, I am a mommy and a wife; servant to my Jesus, my husband, and my children. Maybe my eyes have been foggy from focusing too much on myself and what I want rather than what Jesus wants for me. So, while I will keep my dreams alive for that country home and the peace I believe country living could bring us, I will indeed strive to simply live in the today and walk closer to Him each moment, finding joy in each trial and each triumph!

What I am about to share I have only shared with a few close people in my life. It is something I am finaly finding victory over and though I still have a long way to go, I praise Jesus for beginning to heal this problem in my life. I have struggled my whole life with anxiety and once we had children, you can imagine how much my fears and anxieties have only grown. I worry about every little thing that could happen to them. It has caused me so much pain in my heart and distressed me so that I cannot enjoy things as I should. I avoid places like the park because I fear them falling or getting hurt. I have worried myself so silly when we should be having fun that things just aren't fun for me. Another big stressor for me are stairs. If someone invites us over who has stairs, I would rather not go. Isn't that silly! What bondage this has been for me! I think that as my Healer is helping me to gain victory in this part of my life, I am beginning to feel the chains loosen and that I can enjoy my children and their play more! If you think of it, you could pray for me in this area!

I saw a book a while back on some blogs I read and thought it would be a great book for me but I have ordered books before that greatly disappointed me and I didn't want to waste my money. So, I waited a long time until I finally felt impressed to order this one. It came in the mail the other day and I have only read a chapter or two but I am sure it is going to minister to me! I have opened up my soul to great change and am certain the Holy Spirit will teach me from what I read in this book and the thoughts and prayers it inspires. When I am done reading it, I will write a review. The book is "Passionate Housewives Desperate for God."