Attachment disorder, Reactive Attachment disorder, Post Traumatic Stress disorder etc.  These were all mentioned briefly in the "adoption educational" materials we were required to read during our homestudy.  After we got a real agency, we were also required to read a few books about Liberia.  Since the above disorders were so briefly mentioned, I guess I thought they were pretty rare. 

I didn't think most of the behaviors listed applied to Leona (except the superfically charming and crazy lying) until someone recommended a few books to me and I read some real-life examples!   I was very surprised when the book mentioned that kids with attachment problems actually pee on purpose (when angry etc.)!  Our adoption materials said "bedwetting" is common (I don't consider bedwetting the same as peeing on purpose!). 

Another adoptive mom clued me in on the fact that adopted children are often feeling miserable and do things to make those around them feel the same way.  Well, it worked for Leona!  We were all a bit irritated with her wetting and lying!   They also try to sabotage family activities (hence, her wetting every Sunday morning). So, we've found some answers I think!  We need to be UN-irritated.  This is very difficult sometimes because now that it's not so easy to irritate us, she needs to try harder.  AND SHE DOES!!

For example, on her sisters birthday, she woke up drenched in pee up to her hair (I don't really want to know how she does this!).  None of us got irritated or made any comments (like EEEW GROSS!).  I told everyone to be extra nice to her.  She was MISERABLE!   She was yelling at everyone, calling names, trying to constantly provoke and irritate while she cleaned up herself, the bedroom, and the bathroom(this was pretty much the whole day since it takes her hours to get cleaned up on her own-I refuse to help other than getting her a bucket full of water and a rag).  

Last week, she went so far as threatening to hit me when she was angry.  She has also mentioned that she would like to go back to Liberia and get a new mommy and threatened to call the police because I wouldn't get her a drink until she calmed down and asked nicely.  She is just trying everything she can think of! 

What I am getting at, is that I really wish I would've read THESE books before we adopted (although they do deal with kids who are a danger to others-I may have chickened out if I read that beforehand!)!  At least I would've know better what to look for.  If you are a struggling adoptive parent one of the books is called:  When Love is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas.  This one was the most helpful to me although one other book that I read had a wonderful suggestion for the tinkle problems:  It is as follows:  tell the child since they like gross things like pee (and/or poop) in their rooms and other places so much that you will be giving them the job of cleaning up after pets, cleaning toilets, etc. (I added diaper pails and toddler "pee" accidents too-we don't have pets.). 

So, we are trying a new approach.  Please keep us in your prayers-it is not easy! 

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