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Well, I didn't get to write the update I wanted to exactly WHEN I wanted to! Life around here is never boring and I don't get to the computer much! A few days before my last post, we had a small breakthrough with Leona. In short, she admitted that all the naughty things she was doing were because she didn't want anyone to love her. It went something like this: Leona,(in a very loud crying voice)," I DON'T WANT NOBODY TO LOVE ME, I DON'T WANT YOUR GUYS TO LOVE ME OR NOBODY TO LOVE ME!!"(excuse the bad grammar!) Me: "Oh so that's why you've been doing all these naughty things.....?" Leona: " Yep, 'cause I don't want nobody to love me." After this, we had 2 VERY BAD days and then we actually had a string of 4 really good days. Now it's mostly ups and downs. One thing that I have noticed is there are some things she is obeying about. Such as, I asked her to spread the rag out over the bucket when she was done cleaning so it doesn't start to smell bad and she has done this EVERY time without exception. Although, this seems small, it's actually a big improvement since most times when I asked her to do something, she did the EXACT opposite. For instance, if I asked her to scrub a certain spot on the floor, she would scrub every place BUT that spot!! On the other hand, we've also had a few more days where she needed restraining so she didn't break a window or something. We also installed a door alarm on her room because she had been making threats, mostly to do "something naughty" but also to "run away down the street". I am thankful that I will know if she leaves her room (she only tested this once during the day). She is not happy about it at night and has decided to give up the wetting during the day in favor of wetting in the morning so she can blame me for not getting there soon enough to let her go pee. Well, that was until 2 days ago, when she admitted that she was wetting in her bed on purpose (um, no suprise!!-my older daughter said she wet each morning a few minutes before I went in! She would hear Bekah move around in her bed and then...the flood would begin!). It was actually kind of amusing how she admitted this-I even got some of it on video! I went into her room where she had been scrubbing to make the room clean and fresh smelling. She had missed 2 large areas of the floor (on purpose to make me mad!). I went in and told her that, because I love her, I was going to scrub those 2 spots she missed. She was mad! She said I was a mean Mom! I said "Why, because you didn't make me mad??!" She got very agitated (but amazingly she wasn't screaming!) and said "Yeah, I been trying really hard to do all these things to make you mad so you don't love me and it's not working!" "I peed in my bed for 25 days and it isnt' even working cause you won't stop (loving her!)" I didn't have the camera on at first so the part we recorded was more me asking her questions and her answering them in the same way! It's very eye opening to watch. Imagine, feeling like you need to try SO hard to make people NOT love you! A few days prior to that, I helped her get a bath (ater she wet-I usually don't help her clean up at all) and told her I'd do it because I love her. She screamed and cried at the top of her lungs "I DON'T WANT A MOM TO LOVE ME!" over and over for the whole bath. Each night, we have cuddle time. At first, she did not like this at all. I think she actually likes it now although I don't know if she would admit it! At first, when we tried this new approach to her attachement issues, she was VERY ANGRY, treating the other children very mean. She doesn't have many privileges right now and I don't allow her to play with the smaller kids unless she is supervised. I make all her decisions for her-what she eats, what she wears, what she does and when she does it. Kind of like you do for a baby or toddler. She has no toys or clothes in her possession, I keep them all and give them to her when she is allowed to use them. The only thing she has are her glasses and a hairband and she has tried multiple times to break the glasses! She needs this control placed on her so she can feel that she is safe and we will take care of her. We are praying that will happen soon and that the Lord would heal her heart and allow her to receive, and eventually give, love. We are grateful to have many people praying for us and we go through this challenge. I do need to add a story about Josephine here because I think it's pretty amazing (and completely opposite of Leona). She made a picture with everyone in the family's name on it and wrote "love" underneath all the names (she has never signed "i love you" in return, although we sign it to her every night) How sweet! Have a great evening!!
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Posted by Anonymous