The title of this post contains actual words that came out of Leona's mouth on Monday (she was not talking to me..I just overheard!).   It is truly a miracle that she is beginning to think this.  I tell her this almost every night and every time I need to "hold" her while she lets out her anger.   Usually while she is "letting it out", it includes insulting me, calling me a liar and a mean Mom and telling me how much she doesn't like me!   Later in the day, after she said the above words, she made herself vomit (new trick!) and then had much anger to let out. 

She has been slowly improving but has made a large leap that I am hoping will last.  I think I mentioned that we put a door alarm on her room and she had to wait to be let out to use the bathroom.  I know this made her very angry that she had to wait and she wet her bed almost every morning before I came in.  We tried using diapers but she just wet through them (she pees very fast and it leaks out before soaking in).  I decided to give her a 5 gal. bucket with a lid to use to pee in her room if she wanted.  She has been using it every day...which means DRY clothes and bed!!  YAY!!  She is very happy about it and so are we.  In fact, she was so happy that she just couldn't calm herself down for a few days.  She was very annoying!   But annoying in a way that I haven't seen for a while!   I did have to send her outside to practice some new habits she acquired in her "happiness"  like saying the word "bummer" every 2 minutes, slobbering, and sticking her tounge out.  Thankfully, she decided she didn't want to fully develop these new habits, and chose instead to dance in the yard and forget about them.  

Which brings me to the real reason I wanted to post!  I know many of my posts have probably been portraying adoption in a mostly negative light which I don't mean at all to do.  I really think adoption is a wonderful thing-it has taught me many things and given me a little bit better understanding of God's unconditional love,  But it hasn't been easy!  I think every adoptive parent should know this!  At first, I thought "Oh they're just kids, how hard can it be-I mean we have 8 biological kids(well, 7 at the time)?"  Well, it can be hard!  The bond is definitely not the same as it is for your biological children.  I wasn't prepared for it to be so different!  I certainly wasn't prepared to have a child who would try ANYTHING to make sure I don't love her!

This ANYTHING included:  wetting her pants and lying (which were the ones that really got me!), but it also included some of the dumbest things you would never think of!   It did begin with chewing a huge mouthful of food for a LONG time and refusing to eat.  At the time, I thought she was just copying my picky eater (he didn't chew forever though).  She would do many other little, yet irritating, things too.  Like "forgetting" how to button her shirt, zip her coat or sweater, buckle her seat belt, how to do the math school work she had been doing for weeks or months,  how to write her letters, how to put her clothes on facing the right way, how to put her shoes on, how to open the door, and how to do her chore that she had been doing fine for a while.  She also farted (sorry if anyone is offended by that!)  A LOT!  And picked her nose and ate it.  Now, imagine this if you will.....your biological child is doing something irritating...we'll just use the picking your nose and eating it example, you get grossed out and say something like "That is so gross, stop it!".  So they stop and may even say a half-hearted "sorry".  Picture the same scenario with some adopted children (who have attachment issues)...only what they will do (instead of stopping) is make sure that they do it 10 times more to irritate you!!    That is their goal, to irritate you and make you angry so they can be in control--they want to be in control!  No one who hasn't been through will understand either.  People will think you are crazy...perhaps even your husband because Mom's are usually the target.  Their old Mom gave them away and they are MAD and the new Mom gets to pay for it!!

If you have an adopted child who does any of the above things, think attachment problems!  We wasted months thinking it was just really weird kid behaviors and disciplined her for some of the things she was doing.  This just made it worse....don't waste that precious time.  Start now!  Take the control away from them so they can start to heal.  When you do, it will get worse, but then it will get better a little bit at a time.  And you will hear them say "Mom is keeping me forever and she's not going to send me away."

I've recently had the privilege of talking with a mom named Courtney who has been through attachment problems and her children have healed.  I am so thankful for her suggestions and encouragement.  Her blog is at http://storinguptreasuresinheaven.blogspot.com/.   She feels the Lord is leading her to help struggling families like us! 

Thank you again for your prayers!  Have a great evening!

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