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Friday and Saturday Leona had 2 days of backsliding with the wetting issue. Today she was dry again. But I have not had to "hold" her while she is letting her anger out since Wednesday. She is enjoying more privileges and our home seems slightly more relaxed as compared with Jan.-March. I have given her a few privileges that she didn't earn "just because I love her". I've had a few emails asking what to do about those annoying behaviors....well, being so new at this, I don't feel qualified to answer that question but I will tell you some things we have done that seem to help. For example, yesterday I told her she should come in to the kitchen from the dining room and she just stayed at the table. I was pretty sure she heard me. When I told her to go to the kitchen, I was on my way to do something quick. When I got back into the kitchen, I said "Oh, I see you aren't obeying today (you have to say it nicely, without irritation!)". She said "What, I didn't hear you!", I said "Yes you did!", She said "No, I didn't, if I would have heard you, I would have come in there!" (Yes, she really thinks I am that dumb!!). So I calmly told her that it seemed like her ears needed some exercise so she could hear better so I would give her an extra 5 minutes of running to help her ears hear. I make her do 10 minutes of running and 10 minutes of jumping on a mini-trampoline each day to help tire her out because she doesn't sleep well. A few months back, I would've second guessed myself and thought that maybe she really didn't hear me but, now, I know better. She can be very convincing. But, this is just another one of her controlling behaviors. Today, it seems that she "forgot" how to stay on the trampoline and "fell" off twice in the span of 10 minutes (she's been doing this for a month now and has never fallen off). I gave her an extra 5 minutes of jumping to "practice" not falling off. If she does not want to do her running, I give her the option of doing "bad running" for 30 minutes or "good running" for 10 minutes. Usually, when she "forgets" something it is just an act. Like when in the last row of her math work, she suddenly "forgets" how to do the work. If I circle the problems she has wrong, she might do something like changing the answers on all the ones that aren't circled. The first few months she was home, I actually believed that she truly was struggling to learn. She does have a visual disability and nystagmus (her eyes move quickly back and forth due to her albinism) and I thought this was part of it. I now know better! I quit the battle with the schoolwork by telling her I didn't think she was ready for school and I would let her know when I thought she was. I don't think this is the best option but I could do it because, in our state, she doesn't have to be registered for homeschool until age 8. I have since realized that I need to start working with her again and take her control away in this area also. I will probably be doing some summer school with her. Courtney, the mom I gave a link to in my previous post, says if they want to battle like this during school or even for chores (scrubbing the same spot for hours, refusing to work etc.) that you should just tell them you will do the work for them because you love them so much. This REALLY works. BUT, believe me, this is the last thing you will feel like doing!! I still get irritated (but I don't let it show!). If you let irritation show, they are winning! At first, we used many ideas in the Nancy Thomas book (When Love is Not Enough) but I can honestly say they did not work as well for us as Courtney's idea does. Some things, in the Nancy Thomas book did work well for us. Such as giving Leona "practice time" for annoying habits. Like burping, slobbering, sticking her tongue out, repeating certain words A LOT etc. I told her "Oh, I see you have a new hobby, I want you to get really good at it so I will give you 15 minutes outside (or in your room) to practice it." This has stopped most of the annoying behaviors pretty quickly. It even worked temporarily for peeing her pants. I gave her 15 minutes to stand in the bathtub or outside and pee her pants so she could get really good at it. She never did pee at "pee practice time". One thing in the Nancy Thomas book that really didn't work was the idea of earning certain privileges. She did not care at all and did not want any privileges. She only wanted to make us mad! So, I started giving her some unexpected privileges and telling her that I did it because I love her. This really causes her to have a downward spiral sometimes but she is getting better at handling "fun". The most recent battle we took care of was her hair. When I did her hair, it was sure to be wet with pee. So I only did it occasionally. Last week, she purposely lost the new hairband I gave her and so I told her "Oh, I see you didn't want those braids in, I will take them out for you, It's OK." Eric decided she should get a hair cut which I thought was a good idea but I didn't want it to seem mean and make her look goofy. We did eventually decide that the haircut was the best option. So, Eric shaved her hair to 1/2 inch. She was mad at first but then asked me if I ever saw any girls with short hair. I told her I did and she got over her anger pretty quickly. We did this in love, telling her that we wanted to help make it easier for her to take care of her hair. Motherhood does take quite a bit of self-control sometimes. Not only with Leona but also with our biological kids. Two nights ago, Ian was sick with a stomach virus. He came downstairs and told me that everything he touched felt funny (strangely enough, I actually think I have heard one of my other kids say that before but I wasn't prepared for his next statement...)and my mouth feels really big. It took all the self-control I had to hold in my laughter over that one! I quickly got him a drink and put him back to bed so I could roll on the floor laughing. After all, a merry heart doeth good like medicine! Have a great day! |
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