Does God ever just show you something in your character so clearly it's like being hit over the head?  I am generous... when I WANT to be.

This has been a crazy week for me.  I've been to town almost every day.  I usually only go once a week, if that.  I haven't been feeling well and have gone to two doctors. Exhaustion and responsibilities have set in.

So, the first day I had to go into town for a doctor's appointment, the parking lot was ridiculously full.  I searched through 3 different parking lots looking for a space.  I felt like a vulture circling around waiting for someone to pull out.  I was running late.  A time or two, I allowed someone else to go in front of me and take an empty space.  I was feeling generous.  Fortunately, before I totally gave in and left a great spot came open and I was able to park.  I made a comment to the nurse about how crowded the parking lot was and she said that everyone was mentioning that today and a few of the patients earlier in the day had actually *exchanged words* with other people over parking places.  I thought that was so sad.

Fast forward two days.  I'm in a hurry to run in Wal-Mart to get something and to get back home.  I feel like crud.  I am frustrated that I'm driving 40 minutes round trip for one thing.  I'm going down the aisle and forunately someone is backing out of a place.  I'm thinking this is good.  I didn't want to have to walk too far.  Then what happens? 

You guessed it.  Someone whips across another lane to cut in front of me to take that place.  I guess they had been doing that vulture thing before I showed up.  Well I'm not a confrontational person so I said nothing, but I was pretty angry.  I was thinking about how I could sympathize with those angry people *exchanging words* in the doctor's office parking lot two days earlier.  I wasn't in the mood to be generous and I felt like that person was just like a bully shoving to the front of the line.

I was stewing on all of that when a person signals to me that they are about to pull out of the *first* parking place in the row.  So I got the better space, but God had taken me to task.  See He was generous and provided the good parking place even when I didn't deserve it.  I was sulking and thinking only of myself.  I had been generous when I wanted to.  Maybe even because I saw some of the other drivers that I let in front of me had elderly people or young babies.  I was okay with letting them go in front of me.  But that car load of able bodied folks that just rushed in, stereo blasting and bad language pouring out... I guess I had made a judgement call.  I didn't think they deserved that parking place.  I didn't think they *deserved* my kindness. 

Oh I thank heaven that God isn't just kind to us when He thinks we *deserve* it.  Forgive me LORD and help me to be more like You.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8