The other day I was driving in the car and heard just a few moments of some Christian radio talk show. The person was talking about how the "aches" in our lives really serve a good purpose - they remind us that this world is not our home and stir on our yearning for Heaven. Even though I just heard mere moments of the show and I don't even know what the show was or who the speaker was, those words have stuck with me.
This world is an imperfect place. It's made up of imperfect people. I think most of us have difficult relationships and situations in our lives and it's all just a matter of how much room we give God to work in them.
Some people just go passive and don't deal with them. They try to pretend that they don't bother them or that they really don't care. They emotionally check out while the ache just takes root and grows.
Some people rush to try and fix them. They almost go into hyperdrive, demanding that the situation be dealt with promptly and in the way they deem appropriate. If they can't "fix" the situation, they struggle to participate in an imperfect one.
Some people try and struggle, try and struggle. Their situations may not resolve in a pretty wrapped package, but yet they keep working through it with God's grace. Through it all they are reminded that, "All things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose."
I know that in my own life, I've had times of dealing with major issues - times when I felt unloved, tricked, deceived, misunderstood, misrepresented, forgotten, and abandoned. I felt that ache until I wondered if my heart could physically break from the pain. And while I believe that working through the pain is part of the process, here's what I've learned:
I needed to keep my eyes on my Savior and off of the situation. He always has my best interests at heart and He has a purpose in allowing the trials. He doesn't want me to go passive and just stop caring nor does He want me to demand my way in the situation - sometimes He just wants me to be and to wait on Him and His timing.
If the ache does nothing more than help me to realize the totally amazing gift of His unconditional love and His promise to never leave me nor forsake me, then the ache is ok. If the ache reminds me that He is my advocate and knows the deepest desires of my heart, then I have to be thankful for it.
The ache somehow can point me back to the One who won't go passive and give up on me or check out of my life. The ache can point me back to the One who is King of Kings, yet is patient even with one like me. The ache can point me back to the Father who welcomes home the prodigal son or the Lover who chases after their beloved.
And that ache always leaves me fully resting at the Throne of Grace - which is a good place to be. It's not always comfortable and it doesn't always look like we might imagine it, but it's the place of wholeness, where healing happens time and time again.
I'm back at that place again, dealing with some wounds and disappointments. It's always weird to me how the anniversary of my father's death seems to stir things up for me even when I'm not thinking about the date. For years, it frustrated me to continue to battle certain issues, but now I'm starting to learn to be thankful for the growth and healing that has taken place without requiring that it all look so perfect.
For now I just rest in His grace and His promises and His love for me ~ even in this imperfect world. And I continue trying and struggling and loving even when it's hard because He does that for us.
I'm sure that many of you can relate to what I'm talking about and if any of you feel led to pray for me - for strength and courage to keep on keeping on even when I'm tired, worn-out, and exhausted, I'd appreciate it. Lots of wonderful things are going on and I need to really enjoy them - even if they aren't the perfect way that I would imagine them.
Remember that Jesus came full of grace and truth. Most mistakes in parenting are a failure to act according to the truth, on the one hand, and in a spirit of grace, on the other. Never choose truth over grace or grace over truth. The two are both essential and should be inseparable. Children raised with truth but not grace become legalists or rebels. Children raised with grace but not truth wander aimlessly, falling off ledges because their parents failed to post signs and build guardrails and hold their hands, which could have saved them.
And then if you read down to his previous entry, you'll find some great insights into Disputable Matters.
I've really been encouraged by Randy's insights on grace, truth, and Christian liberty today. I pray you all are enjoying a wonderful Father's Day as well.
PS - I gave Tony his Father's Day gift today so now I can share the link with you all here. I had so much fun making it and it really wasn't expensive - only about $30, but capturing all those memories together was priceless.
Like many of you, I've been deeply touched by the loss of the Chapman's daughter Maria. Recently I found the House Mix, a blog where Steven's manager is giving updates on how things are going for them.
Here are excerpts from his most recent entry:
Everyone wants to know... how are they doing? I understand the question. So many care so deeply, so many can't imagine this loss. But the question is unanswerable, really.
I think Caleb did it best when he said at the visitation and at the funeral that the best term he can find is "confused." "We're sad and happy. Together and Lonely..." and then he stopped, realizing you can't describe confused, in his words, "it's sorta the point of the word." So much wisdom in this young man.
And then in his own words:
I've been privileged to be with them each day of this horrible week... so how are they doing? It is unanswerable... but I'll say this... I see them holding on to the Gospel better than you could imagine or hope for, just as you might think they would. Today, the room is quiet, the talk is somber... but occasionally you'll see a smile. Once in awhile, you might even hear a light laugh. Hope never left, and hope is just starting to show itself again, in small ways. There is still profound sadness. There is still deep concern for some in the family and how they will chart their way out of these dark days. But, there is a Savior, they are sure of it, I hear them talking about it. Heaven is real. It's real-er than ever to this close knit family. Sadness with hope.
A wedding cake picked out today, hope with sadness.
a little girl crying missing her sister, sadness with hope.
basketball practice and carpool and lasagna from friends for dinner.
The new normal is not much fun right now.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1
From the Tennessean: Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest child died Wednesday evening after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.
Maria, one of the Christian singer’s six children, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.
The 5-year-old was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.
The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see Maria in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.
“It appears to be a terrible accident,’’ McPherson said.
They've set up a special blog so you can meet Maria and express your condolence. I just couldn't believe it when I read some of the details. They were celebrating their oldest daughter's engagement and just hours away from celebrating a son's graduation. And they've got some videos on there of Steven singing and washing dishes with Maria not too long ago. You just never know what the day will bring do you?
I'm one of those people who struggles with finding the right words to say when it comes to grief. Nothing seems quite right. All I can think of is carrying them to the Throne of Grace. Only He can carry them through this.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace,
that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "Thanks."
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "I'm praying for you."
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "Hey, why don't you all come on over?"
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "Sure, I can do that."
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "I love you."
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "I miss you."
Sometimes there is silence and other times you hear, "I understand."
Sometimes there is silence and it's a good thing. A very good thing.
But sometimes silence leaves you to read between the lines and that's not so good.
I happen to prefer words.
Words make a difference.
Thank you all for the encouraging words that you share. God truly does use them.
Encourage one another, and build each other up.
1 Thess. 5:11
Although I can remember these really passionate times of Bible study before kids when I could just literally spend hours digging into God's Word and searching out really deep topics, you know what?
It's now that I've had kids that so much more of it makes sense.
Being a parent helps me understand how God can love us more than we can ever understand because sometimes I just wonder if our kids know - REALLY know, just how much we love them.
As a parent, I understand so much more clearly how things we don't always like, truly are for our own good.
As a parent, I understand more about rebellion, grace, and forgiveness.
Having been blessed with these three boys, I even think I understand more about what a miracle is and how God has plans for us that we could never even dream of.
I know more about praying for wisdom and strength, not just because I want to know or to be able to do something, but because I feel so humbled that God has entrusted these children to Tony and I "for such a time as this".
And through all of the busyness of life, I've learned more than ever to just trust Him and His grace. He always meets me right where I am and He knows how a momma worships.
I saw this video on a friend's blog and thought I'd pass it along to all of you as well. I think it's pretty handy for keeping the commandments in order!
Do any of you ever struggle with wondering if you are doing "enough" to serve others?
I really think most of us who struggle with that question are just underestimating what we're doing to serve since it doesn't have an official title. God tells us in 1 Cor 12 that all parts of the body are important and that God has arranged each part of the body right where He wants it to be.
In fact, I've heard a lot of buzz about Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris and am looking forward to reading it. One of the reviews listed the 5 Hard Things that they challenge people (specifically teens) to do.
1. Things that are outside your comfort zone.
2. Things that go beyond what is expected or required.
3. Things that are too big to accomplish alone.
4. Things that don't earn an immediate payoff.
5. Things that challenge the cultural norm.
And I guess the big thing I'm still learning is not to discount the importance of ministering to the people God placed in the bedrooms down the hall or at my local homeschool group or at the park or the store.
I figure that woman was just out running errands that day, yet she was available and God used her to bless Shanon in a very realistic way and now her story is encouraging many others. How many times do we have opportunities like that?
Maybe for you it might just be passing along some clothes or homeschool books to another family. Maybe, it's inviting another family over for dinner or just taking the time to talk. Maybe it's encouraging your husband when he's had a bad day at work or praying for a friend going through a rough time.
Who knows? I think it's all just a part of living the Spirit-filled life. And while some of those tasks might not "sound" as important as teaching a Sunday School class (or whatever), just remember that the Lord tells us in Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,"
A few years ago, I really enjoyed reading The Mitford Series with its quirky characters who were just walking out their faith daily. Father Tim would pray each day, "Father, make me a blessing to someone today, through Christ our Lord."
May we all live that out daily - whether it's in offering a cold water bottle to someone having a rough day or helping your child learn to ride his bike. Let's just be a blessing to someone.
I was browsing blogs this morning and I do believe that I have "had church" for the day.
If you listen to the music in my sidebar, one of the songs there is "You Raise Me Up" by Selah. That song first ministered to me years ago when I was driving down the road just feeling totally crushed by some damaged relationships in my life.
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
As I drove on down the road that day, I just kept replaying that song and I'm here to tell you, the Lord did come and sit awhile with me. He took what I didn't think I could overcome and raised me up so that I could.
So anyway, today I found a link to this blog, Bring the Rain, and I knew that it was going to be about someone who had recently lost a child. What I didn't realize, what that it was one of the singer's from Selah's family.
"Today, as I read each scripture, I was struck by something I have never put too much emphasis on before. Jesus did not return to His followers as a healed man. He had scars that told the story, that brought Thomas to belief. He was alive, fully alive, and yet, not unscathed. God chose to use these wounds to remind the world what He had overcome. It seems like if I were the writer of the story, I would heal them completely. Really show people what kind of power I had. Just make it look like it never happened...complete restotation. This isn't what God chose for Christ, and it isn't what He chooses for any one of us.
If we are called to suffer in the name of Jesus, we bear scars as well. He doesn't hide them when trouble has passed, but rather He allows our paths to cross with those who want to touch them, to believe in them, to fall into the arms of the one who allowed them to be inflicted.
This is why I write to you all.
I have prayed many, many times that the eyes that read these words will run their fingers along the wounded hands of Christ, letting His suffering tell you the depth of love He has for you.
This life is not about being healed.
It's about bearing wounds for the sake of the One who bore them for us. For you.
As a psychologist, I want to help people face these hard things. To turn them into beautiful gifts to be given back to the Lord.
It is as simple as recognizing that God has chosen your suffering for a purpose, and the splendor of His plan begins to be revealed as we trust Him to do that."
And I can't remember where I heard it, but to say it more simply - Let your mess, be your message. I'm not the same person I was years ago, but God used those times of suffering for a purpose and even though I tend to still think of myself as "a mess", I'm reminded of how Jesus bore those scars and how they testify to who He is. I pray that we're not all so busy trying to cover up our scars that we hide just what He can do - even in the rain.
If you go to that link, you can listen to samples of each song.
Well, he is really hooked on Charlie Daniel's version of "I'll Fly Away". I was just happy that it was a hymn since I appreciate hymns, but then we were driving down the road and singling along to it and it hit me -
My daddy would have LOVED this CD. It's all very old-fashioned style country and my daddy loved true country music. Oh I can remember being a teeny-bopper and just cringing when he would turn the radio to a country station. I'd fuss and grumble about how I just couldn't stand "the twang".
But he'd keep it on that station despite my protests and he'd sing along and I'd think, "Well, he's got a pretty good voice."
My daddy would have enjoyed the sing-a-long in the truck today.
I enjoy seeing glimpses of the grandfathers in my boys. Tony's dad died when Joe was just a year and a half old and then my dad died shortly after Jon's first birthday. We tell the boys a lot about their grandaddies and especially about just how much they would have enjoyed getting to spend more time with them.
Losing both of our fathers so young taught Tony and I to appreciate the things that sometimes drive us nuts about people because we know that later on you miss even the quirky things - like being subjected to "very uncool" country music.
In fact, I was watching Extreme Home Makeover the other night and heard someone say the neatest thing. "I love you for who you are. I thank you for all you do."
Tony's dad and my dad were both great about doing things for us, but even if they hadn't been able to, just being themselves would have been enough.
And I'm striving to express that to the people in my life. I love them just for being them and I'm just extra thankful for the sweet things they do.
It reminds of the song by Casting Crowns - Who Am I?
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.
And I am most thankful for Who He Is, for all the loved ones He has blessed me with, and for precious memories and sing-a-longs in the truck.
