The Occasional Blog

Oct. 24, 2007

Dating in High School

Whenever I tell someone that I don’t date, I normally get weird looks. When they ask me why, I say, "I think the whole high school dating mentality is just stupid." Do you know what's weird? Most of the time - they agree with me!!

That's a huge problem with today's culture. We do things even though we know they're stupid just so that we'll fit in with the crowd. I was talking with a girl last month, and she was telling me all about the problems she was having with her boyfriend. I told her that it'd just be better if she broke up with him and didn't involve herself in dating relationships like that. She said that she knew she should do it, but she couldn't.

What kind of teenagers is our culture raising? Most of the time, they're too blind to see what the right choice is, and when they do know it, they supposedly "can't do it."

Here's why I don't buy into the whole "high school dating mentality." High schoolers seem to think there's some sort of unwritten law that they have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But, when you're 15, it'll be another 5 years until you're really old enough to get married. Do you think you'll still have the same boyfriend when you're 20? Sometimes it happens, but the great likelihood is that you'll eventually get married to someone else. That means that it's probably a 95% chance (or more) that you'll break up. Why would you want to have a romantic relationship with someone when you know that you'll eventually break up? Why attach yourself to someone when you know it'll cause you pain in the end? Every month, I see girls moping because their boyfriend dumped them or vice versa. Well, I have a very simple solution to that problem - don't date in the first place!

There's another problem with dating in high school, and that has to do with physical and emotional purity.

A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. ~ Song of Solomon 4:12

If something is pure, that means that it's unstained or untouched. If you've opened the doors to your garden and let someone else inside, that garden is no longer pure in the strict sense of the word. I don't think this is only talking about physical purity. It also has to do with the emotions. We as girls can open ourselves up emotionally to guys and get attached to them. That's why breaking up is always so hard.

I'm going to borrow a line from Joshua Harris, the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl: An Introduction to Courtship.

"Intimacy without commitment, like icing on a cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick."

When you're in high school, you're not old enough to make a marriage commitment. Why should you enjoy having intimacy (whether physically or emotionally) with someone else?

In this post, I just talked about high schoolers dating, but I think I'll post my thoughts on dating in general next time. I think that it can be a good thing when it's in the right context.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. :-)

-Sylvia

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Comments

Oct. 24, 2007 - Hey

Posted by cherryblossom

I totally agree. Just because your in high school or whatever doesn't mean your SUPPOSE to be dating a guy. Get real. All they are is drama.. Plus I want to concentrate on my education not some guy. I totally agree with you!

Julia

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Oct. 24, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by quietcajun

My 15 year old daughter, Kaitlyn and I whole-heartedly agree with you! Yay for you for saying so!

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Oct. 25, 2007 - Note from Brielle

Posted by BrielleCostumes

Hello,
I just wanted to stop by and say hello….

That was a very good post…. I have been asked that question many times… and have gotten the same response…”what you don’t date?” …..”what??? No boyfriend…that is insane!” ….
I have enjoyed reading the books by Joshua Harris and have loaned them out to my cousin who shares the same view as I do about dating during the high school years…. Again great post!

I LOVE your new avatar… (well it might not be new, but it is new to me…lol..) That is such a good scene in LOTR …. Oh, I got elf ears! I love them….I need to get some pictures…then you all can see my little pointy ears.

I hope you have a wonderful day!
Brielle

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Oct. 25, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Chris

Yeah i just don't think it is a very black and white issue. I've heard horror stories from courtships, dating relationships that went great and vise versa so yeah.

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Oct. 25, 2007 - Wonderful~

Posted by nancysnook

Hi Sylvia, I like your post and it makes a very valid point! I love the words from Song of Solomon too, they're so beautiful. I've anticipated getting the Harris books for my daughter but I think she's still a bit young for them...she's a new 14 but maybe this time next year, I'll give it more thought. Thank you for this post, it's wonderful.

Nancy

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Oct. 25, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by BlogBoy

Great blog Sylvia, totally agree!

The basic point of dating is to have fun, then it starts to turn into a commitment between two people that really shouldn't be having a commitment at all!

RYC: I hope you are right, I won't mind if they just have a little romance, but I'm gona' be pretty mad if they have anything more then that ;)

Eric

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Oct. 25, 2007 - hey, girly!

Posted by guardedmodesty

Sylvia, you're amazing! And Mrs. M didn't call me. but she didn't need to, i'll be lucky if i have even 2 good shots! haha! I totally see where you're coming from, and i definitely agree about most of it!! reading your post was like eating something sweet, you don't want to stop, and you want to come back for more!

I have to add one thing though, if i may. not all more-than-friends relationships are detrimental. notice that i didn't say dating relationships, cause i think that in the wrong context with the wrong perspective/focus for the relationship, they can get ugly.

all to say, i met this guy at camp, and we talk several times a week. but 1) he lives all the way in Iowa 2) it's at the moment a "just friends" thing. the thing i've taken away from this though, after 4 odd months of talking to him and stuff, is knowing how to converse well with guys in writing and on the phone. i never was challenged in that way before, so its been nervewracking at times, even stressful, but i wouldn't change any of it. anyways, i can't wait to hear what else you have to say about dating!

P.S. what you said about being proud about modesty... WOW!!! great point. do you mind if iuse that later? i'll credit you and everything...

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Feb. 11, 2008 - You go, Girl!

Posted by Godzgirl