A couple years ago we decided to give the boys a year at the public school in small town USA. When Isaiah first arrived he wasn't warmly received by the kids, first because all of the kids grew up together since kindergarten, and secondly it was a very small school so it wasn't easy to just blend in. However, one child, Eric, took him in. He was so good hearted. Isaiah said that Eric was amazing and had lots of friends, but his friends weren't sure about Isaiah. So in moments when the other kids were willing to close up the clique' and not give a second thought to Isaiah, Eric would tag along with Isaiah and abandon his other friends. He did this for awhile, until all the kids began to fall in love with Isaiah. Eventually, Isaiah found his own spot amongst this crowd.

We went back to homeschooling and he didn't keep in close contact with Eric, but they did play sports with one another and we saw and chatted with them frequently at the grocery store or wherever else you bump into them in such a small town. He was always a happy guy, hanging out with his Dad. He was an only child, and seemed to have one of those relationships that you dream about.

Well yesterday we went to his funeral. No, he didn't have some fast acting cancer, he committed suicide. When we got the news this last weekend, we were sure they translated the name wrong. It couldn't have been Eric. He was an outstanding student, had tons of close friends, wonderful relationship with his parents, and very intelligent. So what happened? Well no one will know for sure. There was no note, the Dad went to the feed store that day and even invited Eric to tag along to which at first he agreed and then decided to stay home and get things done around the house. Or at least this is what he told his Dad, but on his Dad's return he found him in the field, and that he had taken his own life. We don't know much more than that, except that they had been fighting about chores earlier that day.

So we sat in that lonely funeral room listening to quiet music being pumped in. We looked at all the pictures they had of him in front. It was too much for me. The ball cap, the book he was writing, the book he was in the middle of reading with his bookmark in place, and all the twinkley eyed photographs of an amazing child.

We have taken this opportunity to really visit with the boys about suicide, the effects, and the consequences. It was a day of remembering, reflecting, and confusing sorrow. Isaiah said that he can't really let his mind go there with Eric yet, he would rather think that he has just moved to a different state right now. So if that feels safe to Isaiah than that is where we will let him be, but we know, we all know that their precious only son is gone.