For us, one of the first things we discussed concerning our children was what we really wanted our children to learn by the time they left our home, and embarked on their own lives. The first thing was God, of course. I really wanted them to have good hearts towards the Lord. I wanted them to really be kind and loving people, and I wanted them to understand how and why we should be good. So, with this in mind, I began to character-build as soon as I deemed them old enough to understand.

When I first started out I was pretty strict, not always in a bad way, but I worried about why I was making some of the choices that I was making. So I had to reevalutae my goals and methods alot. I didn't want my kids to be obedient based on fear. I wanted them to obey because they loved me and their Dad, and they desired to do what was right. So I thought I am going to teach them love. In order to learn love you have to know love. I really believed in the beauty of the physical touch. Even though I have older boys I put my arms around them, I kiss them on the cheek, I pat their back. I recommend that you don't ever let their body language, of distance, keep you from giving this to them. The boys have gone through awkward phases where they were unsure about those touchy-feely moments, but I don't let that hurt my feelings. In fact, there have been moments where I have said, "Listen, I need a hug, so come here." In time, you will have them glide right over those uncomfortable moments, and it will become second nature again.

This was important to me, because again, I wanted them to learn love and so I had to show it. I want them to be loving to their wives and children, and of course, to their Dad and I. Den gives the boys hugs and kisses too. Sometimes he isn't always as mindful, so I will discreetly remind him,"Hey so & so may need a hug from Dad." Den is great about that, and he is showing them that a grown man shows affection in a healthy non-sexual way too.

After, or during a discipline we talk about God. Not the kind of discussion where we make them memorize scripture (it shouldn't be drudgery), but we just talk about how we know it's hard to be good, but this what the Lord thinks about obedience and disobedience. I always try to tie it into my own battles with being good too. I fully admit that I struggle to the boys, and I use that time to make them think about the what-ifs of me not doing what I am supposed to do. What kind of a house would we live in, or what kind of a life would we have? When we think about why we ALL need to be good, it takes the spotlight off of them feeling like we think they are losers, and we can talk about the daily war of being good in life, in general.

As consistent as I am about showing and giving love, which is the whole foundation for me, I am, likewise, as consistent about my discipline. Never say something you don't mean, or that you don't intend to follow through on. I will leave this post with that. Too many times a parent will get caught up in the moment of being angry, and throw out some threat or punishment that they know after a few minutes that they really don't want to do, or just won't follow through on. That is very dangerous. Take it back. Just be honest to the child and say, "You know I have been thinking about that discipline and I don't feel good about that choice. I am going to do this instead." No harm done there, as long as they know that you are going to follow through on whatever discipline you chose. I think it's fine, and maybe even good that they see you are only human, and you didn't let the moment carry you away. Just be honest enough to admit it needs readjusted, and then you follow through with something else.

To be continued............