Dec. 9, 2008
I've Been Had!
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In the last few weeks I've been noticing a trend in our family dynamics. I was putting all the blame on myself for this. It involves me always coming across as the bad guy. The one to declare whether or not we can afford to buy something. The one who has to say "no" when kids ask for extras. I was beginning to feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas....or at least like the Grinch who wasn't about to let Christmas happen - at least not as elaborate and extravagant as the children would like. Some of this attitude stems back to my childhood where my brothers were notorious for buying themselves the book they wanted to read 2 weeks before Christmas, after I had already bought and wrapped that very same item to give them. I felt they were robbing me of my gift giving joy! Now for all I truly remember this may have only happened once with each of my two brothers. But the trauma still exists in my mind. And when I find my older children doing the same thing it infuriates me! I lose my cool! Once you get teen and adult children still living at home you will discover this. They have their own money. They have no real responsibility other than that which I impose on them. They know what they like and they have the ability to obtain it (cash, car, freedom). So every year around this time I find myself talking like a broken record. "Remember no buying yourself that video game you just have to have! No more going to the book store. Wait until after Christmas and if you don't get what you want you can use your Christmas money (if you get any) for this." This nagging gets me down and makes me feel like the constant bad guy. It is not just for gifts at Christmas. This is something I always find myself doing. "Sorry, no ice cream, no soda, no chips, no candy, no treats, no desserts...I only buy FOOD" I'll say when I come home and everyone complains that I didn't buy anything to eat. If someone has a "hankerin" I'm the one who denies that child a fullfin' of the hankerin'. And why is this? Because one parent has to be the mean one! And whether I chose the role or not, I've definitely been handed the card. The Mean Mommy Card. Tonight the realization hit me that I've been had! Les has a great relationship with the kids. They go on walks, they have long talks, he takes them to special events and on special outings. The kids love being with their dad. I love that they love being with their dad. Neither Les nor I had the greatest Dad role models, though I admit my Dad has come through in my adult years for me. Looking back I can see that he had a rough time of it when he was raising me and I have to forgive him for not being the perfect dad back then. I wish I could say the same for my husband's relationship with his father. Needless to say I'm thrilled that my kids have such a great relationship with their dad. And why is this? Because he gives them their hearts desires! I get to be the one who always says "no" and he gets to be the one who always says "yes". It is simply no fair. But I'm on to his ploy. I'm just going to have to start saying yes more often. |
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