Mar. 31, 2006 - Too comfortable
I don't want to write much tonight. My mother and I are having a garage sale this weekend. We opened it this morning. But we had so much work to do before it did open. I was up at 4 am to feed the baby. I never went back to bed after that. This is the first morning in ages that I have actually had a cup of caffienated coffee. Wow!!! I felt good. LOL!!!
I spent a good portion of the 5 o'clock hour this morning praying. It was a pray full of passion for heart change. Not just my heart change but for my dh, my children, my parents, and my brother. We all seem to know alot about Christ. But beyond our knowledge, the flames have kind of, well, died out. I have prayed before that God would bring the Spirit on my household as He did the disciples at Pentecost. During the time I prayed that prayer my dh was telling me about some of his very passionate prayer times in the morning. It was also during that time that my 5 yod accepted Christ. My very rebellious 6 1/2 yod also began to show changes in her heart. Something was happening. But like other things I become passionate about, the prayers died off.
I got comfortable. I am learning that I simply can't get comfortable when it comes to praying for the souls of your family. Satan can too easily move in with deception. And the deception is so subtle. He got my dh and I big time this weekend. We had a pretty significant fight. That hasn't happened in a really long time. We have had disagreements before but they have always been very rational and calm. This fight gave way to alot of screaming and crying (much to my shame, it was mostly on my part). We resolved our differences and by God's grace have forgiven each other. I am thankful that we are able to forgive and not hold grudges.
I don't want to be comfortable anymore. My great passion right now is to know my Savior more. I know alot about him. But I don't think I really know Him. John Piper calls it being enthralled with Christ. Enthrall means to be captivated. Does Christ captivate me? He hasn't. . .but He's beginning to. I so greatly desire for God to grow a passion in my heart for the things that most glorify Him. I long to see my dh have the same passion. And together, I hope my children will capture that passion and live it themselves. I prayed this for parents and brother as well. I grew up with them. I am passionless because they are. I believe they love the Lord. But life just kind of goes on after the token Sunday worship service. That's the way I have been for a long time too. And my brother, well, sadly he has bought the deceptive lie that all roads lead to Christ. My heart is broken over him especially. I want to see the Spirit's fire light up the eyes of my family and I want to see us all live a life that completely brings God all glory.
God has a lot of work to do and I believe it's going to have to begin with me. I have a feeling that cleaning out the dross is going to be painful. But when precious metal has the dross cleaned out, the finished prodcut is beautiful. 
