I am really wrestling with our school this week.  I had a rather big disagreement with my oldest over her work this week.  It's a long story how it happened but it left a sore taste in my mouth and haven't gone to back to our normal school schedule since.  But today was fun.  I fully intended to do some school this afternoon.  I have been allowing the kids to take advantage of my reluctance by playing in the backyard.  It's beginning to cool off in the morning now and they deserve as much time in the backyard as possible after our miserable summer.  So today I was reading in the living room when I had an inspiration. . .we should do something spontaneous in our day.  I remembered at 11:30am that our homeschool group had park day today.  So I called the kids in, told them to change their chalky clothes, and get park shoes on.  We were going on a picnic to the park.  And we had a blast doing it to.  After we left the park we made a surprise trip to the library and got a special treat with a trip to Whole Foods for a good snack. 

But we came home this evening to same problems I am facing with my oldest.  She's a newly discovered strong-willed child (newly discovered by me because I refused to believe that sweet little girl could be strong-willed.)  My dh and I discussed it last night and she really is.  She doesn't want to be made to do anything. . . . .unless she's in control of the when.  We have used the typical discipline for disobedience and I believe with this child it's just simply made her more angry.  So I am reluctant to do it anymore with her.  I tried a couple of new "tactics" this evening and she seemed to respond well to them. 

Because of this child's reluctance to learn, I am considering a new direction for our school.  Of course, my dh has to be behind me in this.  And I would never make a change unless he was behind or asked me to.  I have been rereading Teaching the Trivium.  I have been especially focused on their article "Ten Things to Do with Your Child Before Age Ten".  And in my attempt to further understand one of the concepts in their chapter, I bought an ebook that Cindy Rushton wrote.  She is a Charlotte Mason expert.  I love her writing and books. 

But one of the things that is going through my mind as I read these things is how my school doesn't really reflect what I wish it did. . .a lifestyle of learning.  We are a SCHOOL at home.  Learing isn't a lifestyle. . .SCHOOL is.  I wish I had the guts to put aside some of the subjects that I think are unnecessary at this point in their young lives and just live out school.  You see, I think I push my dd too hard for her personality.  She's independent and wants the ability to decide what we do.  Who's right in this case?  I am beginning to wander if perhaps she's on to something.  I guess it's kind of the delight-directed learning.  I would still direct her education but she would have a littlre more freedom in how she expressed herself. 

The other factor I am having to consider in all this is that my oldest ds (5 1/2) LOVES school.  He would thrive in a public school and probably be placed in a gifted program.  He's got an incredible ability to know things that kids his age don't.  Like he told me to today that we wouldn't be able to turn onto the busy street outside our housing complec until the light at the other end of the street changed and stopped all the cars coming our way.  HELLO!!!!!  He's 5.  I didn't figure that out how to time the lights until I was a driver.  He can give answers during our Huddle Time (Bible study with dad) that blow me away.  Sometimes I don't even know the answers.  He taught himself to read and can't get enough of it.  He loves to write and will pass his sister in his ability to write if she doesn't get a move on it.  Some relaxing my approach to school may be harder on him than anyone. 

I would give anything to have a relaxed homeschool with a few structured parts of our day for the essentials.  It's not like that though.  There is no room for my oldest to cook with me. . .which I learned today is what she really wants to learn how to do.  There is no room for me to set my oldest ds up in his room with art material and let him go nuts (he's the artist.)  There is no room to wrestle with my youngest for longer than 10 minutes (and maybe that's a good thing since I can't keep up with him right now.  ha!!)   There is no time to give my 3 1/2 yod the attention she needs from me right now.   There is no time to go on nature walks or walks at all.  We have to get the academics in. . .as if somehow they will be stupid if I don't do it NOW when they are 7 and 5.  Isn't that the lie that the public education leaders tell homeschoolers?  But look at the homeschoolers who are given a more relaxed approach to learning.  They are blowing their PS peers out of the water and out of jobs. 

No guts, no glory.  does that apply here?  Can I do this?  I think I need more time to pray.  But I do know that I desire to live a lifestyle of learning.  And that needs to include more time to cook and do art and just be children (even mom needs to be a child every once in a while.)